Memorable moments: Rushing to relax

A couple of years back, I signed up for a Buddhist meditation class. The goal was simple, yet profound: learn how to let all earthly cares fall away and finally experience true bliss.

One day, I found myself running a few minutes late. To make matters worse, one of the traffic lights on my route was playing up, causing a frustrating delay. Before I knew it, I was swearing at the dashboard and driving far too fast, my heart racing as I maneuvered through traffic to make it to the retreat on time.

Suddenly, the great irony of the situation hit me like a physical weight.

Here I was, getting myself into a frantic sweat and driving like a maniac, all so I could reach a building where I would be taught how to remain calm. I was sacrificing my peace of mind in a desperate attempt to go "learn" peace of mind.

In that moment of realization, I took a long, deep breath. I decided to become completely mindful of the present, letting go of the deadline and intentionally slowing right down. My state of being shifted instantly from panic to presence.

Then, something miraculous happened. From that point forward, every single traffic light between me and the retreat turned green. The congestion seemed to simply melt away, and I glided through the streets with effortless ease. Despite my earlier delay and my new, slower pace, I pulled into the retreat with ten minutes to spare.

It was a powerful metaphor for life: the harder we push against the world in a state of resistance, the more it pushes back. The moment we find the "bliss" within ourselves first, the world outside seems to rearrange itself to match.

Memorable moments: The potjie and the peaks

In 2015, I was backpacking through South Africa with my friend Chrisel. We arrived at a hostel nestled in the shadow of the magnificent Drakensberg mountains and discovered they had a potjie—the traditional, heavy cast-iron cauldron used for slow-cooking over an open fire.

We went to the local shop and loaded up on supplies: lamb, heaps of vegetables, and stock. Back at the hostel, I set about building the fire in the garden. It wasn't something I did often, and the pressure of "getting it right" started to mount.

As the oil began to sizzle, the stress took over. I became obsessed with the mechanics of the meal—searing the meat, tossing the vegetables, frantically moving everything around to ensure nothing burnt before the liquid went in. Chrisel told me to relax and leave it be, but I snapped back, convinced that one wrong move would ruin the entire day's investment. I was totally lost in the drama of the pot, my world shrinking down to a few square inches of bubbling iron.

Finally, after an hour of intense, fixated labor, the water and stock were added. The lid went on. The "crisis" was over; the stew just had to simmer for the next three hours.

I stood up, my body stiff from crouching, and finally looked up from the dirt.

The sight hit me like a physical wave. The spectacular peaks of the Drakensberg were looking down at me, ancient and unmoved. The trees in the hostel garden were swaying gently in a soft afternoon breeze. I could hear the rhythmic twittering of birds darting to and fro. It was a scene of absolute, unwavering peace.

I realized then, with a visceral jolt, that while I had been trapped in a self-made prison of stress and "culinary emergency," this peace had been present the entire time. It hadn't gone anywhere; I had simply tuned it out. I hadn't been mindful. I had been living in a mental simulation of a disaster while standing in the middle of paradise.

The Drakensberg didn't care about my burnt lamb, and the wind didn't care about my irritation. They were simply being. That realization remains the foundation of my daily practice. When the world feels loud or the "stew" of my life feels like it’s burning, I go outside. I look at the greenery, feel the air, and listen to the birds. By choosing my senses over my thoughts, I find the peace that was there all along. It’s the ultimate way to wake up.

Memorable moments: The Tel Aviv revelation

I have spent much of my life accompanied by a quiet, persistent shadow: Imposter Syndrome. Even when I was at the top of my class at school, I dismissed it as a lack of innate ability; I convinced myself I was simply working harder than the other kids. The anxiety was a constant hum during exams—the terrifying certainty that this was the time I’d finally bomb out and be "found out."

This pattern followed me into my professional life. At Old Mutual, I was singled out as a high-potential trainee, yet I waited daily for the mask to slip. By 2001, I was in the UK, working for a renowned branding agency with a vibrant culture and iconic clients. Despite excellent feedback, the syndrome was stronger than ever. Branding wasn't my specialty, and I felt like a guest who had snuck into a high-society party.

Then came the Israeli bank project.

Our team of three—including the Managing Director and our colleague Anita—flew from London to Tel Aviv every week. The MD was a powerhouse, a charismatic genius who had single-handedly formulated the brand identities for some of the world’s most iconic companies, including Apple. Watching him work was like watching a master conductor; I was in absolute awe of his confidence.

One night, after a long day of strategy, the three of us met in a hotel bar in Tel Aviv. After a few drinks, I finally confessed my admiration. I told the MD how much I respected his genius and, more than anything, his unshakable confidence.

He looked at me and said something that shifted my entire world view.

"You know," he said quietly, "I have a huge imposter syndrome. Every time I stand up in front of a board, I feel totally nervous. I think, 'Oh no, they’re going to find me out this time.'"

I was stunned. If the man who branded Apple felt like a fraud, what hope was there for us mere mortals?

It was a moment of profound self-compassion. I realized then that Imposter Syndrome isn't a sign of inadequacy; it’s a nearly universal human experience. It might even be the very thing that makes us a driven species. It’s the friction that motivates us to be better, to prepare more deeply, and to reach further.

The goal isn't to kill the imposter; it's to understand him, be kind to him, and then—like the MD in Tel Aviv—stand up in front of the board anyway.

Attention is love

In many ways, Gran and Gramps could not have been more different. To my young eyes, Gramps was the undisputed hero—an extroverted, charismatic powerhouse who had been a respected amateur actor in his youth. He was the man who held sway as the MC at the annual bowls club, a storyteller who lived for the spotlight and the punchline. He was physically effusive, showering us with praise and affection. As a shy, introverted boy, I idolized him. I wanted to be that eloquent, that funny, and that confident.

In many ways, I took on his mantle. I found myself in school plays, losing myself in roles, and eventually becoming a skilled public speaker—though, unlike Gramps, my "performance" always came with a side of anxiety. I learned from him how to express admiration and how to hold a room with a well-timed story.

Gran, however, was the steady, background presence. She was never the center of attention and far less demonstrative with her affection. But if you got her into a one-on-one conversation, the world shifted.

Gran was an incredible listener. She didn't just hear you; she held what you said. She had a memory like a carefully curated archive; if you mentioned a small detail in passing, months later she would present you with a newspaper clipping perfectly relevant to that thought. Her love wasn't a loud performance; it was a quiet, non-judgmental space.

I’ve realized as I’ve grown older that love, in its purest form, is exactly that: spacious, affirming, and attentive. Attention is love.

While I idolized the "Toucher Tony" version of life when I was young, my appreciation for Gran has grown until she stands as a role model equal to Gramps. She is the bar I set for my own relationships. If I can show a genuine, loving interest in others the way she did, I know I’m offering something truly special.

I was remarkably lucky to have them both. They represent the two halves of my personality: the part of me that wants to tell a great story to a crowd, and the part of me that knows the most important thing I can ever give someone is my undivided, loving attention.

Insights (2025)

Life is a movie: Limits of science and intellect

• Mystical insight points to transcendent, ineffable, super-sensory, timeless, dimensionless, benevolent, non-dual reality that gives rise to observable world events and the sof our senses. Science points to the non-dual, timeless, dimensionless state of reality through quantum physics and relativity. Actually this reality is transcendent reality is Consciousness. We know this reality in mystical states when we merge with it.  There is only consciousness and its contents (Subjective experience). Science (with focus on what can observe and measure) and intellect (with time, space, separate subject and objects, causation etc. built in) really struggles to explain and describe this reality. Both consciousness and its contents.  Right brain modes of being have essential role to play.
• Subjective is significant and indisputable aspect of reality. But science and intellect ill suited to know, capture or explain it.
• Truth is an expanded state of being: a non-conceptual right brain mode of knowing and being, that the intellect can only point to.
• The intellect can be used to switch itself off. Like a thorn removing a thorn. A ladder / raft.

Mind as content, not agent

• The mind is an appearance, created by brain or consciousness. It is an activity / process in brain or consciousness. An excitation of matter or consciousness.  It is not an enitity or agent. Except in dualism which makes no sense.

Nature of consciousness

• Structure: How it appears
• Texture: How it feels
• Content: What appears

Gene Key 18

• Judgement → Integrity → Perfection
• An extraordinary clarity of vision — often intellectual, analytical, or even surgical.
• You are here to see where the world is out of tune, and help it sing in harmony again.
• Can grasp things that others cannot easily see
• Creative project:  Remain in one place for extended time
• Simplicity
• I will have enough
• Prosperity is in your connection to source, to nature, and the simple purity of loving your life
• Seeing the perfection in everything just as it is.
• Moving from withdrawing to protect your clarity to entering the world to radiate your clarity.

Plant seeds today

• Invest in areas (habits, skills, projects and initiatives) that will reap return (shade and fruit) later. 
• Plant seeds and tend to plant. Keep investing and tending to it. Then reap a life time of fruit.
• Seeds need special nurturing at beginning. Vulnerable to harm. As germinate and grow, become more and more hardy and self-sustaining. But still need fertilising and pruning.

Garage leak

• Martin: Do not worry until I tell you. Make yourself ill.
• Martin problem solving and level mindedness
• No point to panic until worked out source of leak
• "Wailing Will" character
• Sharon "Get in touch with younger Graeme where anxiety and "all is not well" default started
• It was so helpful to spend afternoon with Lydia and Sharon. Slept that night

Not avoid

• Garadge leak. Had look when tenant told me 2nd time.
• Xenia "Tell anyone re 12 step program?"  Phoned Shushann immediately. No.

Power of calm

• Ramaphosa stays calm despite Trump video and gets political capital.

Gavin

• Not fazed by several not liking yellow doors.

Timber

• Timber project was fine: Overly anxious and over-managed
• Didn't check my wood. Missed back balcony.

Reflect, not just curate

• Reflection and writing is key, not just reading and curating quotes. 
• Writing creates insight. Texts to Yogi. 
• Be able to explain it to a child

Review

• Only track what I will actively review and learn from

Honour people's private stuff

• Xenia and 12 Step Program

Insights (2024)

Face issues

• Pulse rate (1 year of stress)
• Steve and Greenslip
• Should have checked garage leak after rain bomb
• Estate duty calculation: Save loads for now

Power of my mind to stress

• Triaxil management fee
• Iceland competition
• Dr Cosgrove dex for Iceland
• Put water into oil ?
• Canon 400mm marks

Advantages of courage

• Went into pharmacy, avoided day of no dex
• Into emails, Triaxil management fee only $12000
• Moving garage leak along, facilitated going without engineer ($11K saving)

Iceland

• Flight Centre (travel agents) as potential source of cheapest flights. Going in avoided a 1 hour layover in Oslo.
• My brain really stresses out and jumps to worst imagining. 
• Gavin: Name wrong on ticket costs $1000 and difficulties. Bags not arrive. All taken as it comes, remaining calm. 
• Gavin asks for room for me in Reykjavik. Finds cancellation. Benefit in asking.

Photography

• Benefits of shooting in raw.  E.g Reduce shadow in terns. 
• Portrait and landscape. Wide and close. Different angles. Walk on, assess, take photos on way back. Imagine if in Grimsey I hadn't walked on ?
• Research photography. Soft water in Iceland. Neutral density filter.
• Take more video. Some in Iceland but wish more.

Offence, not defence

• Biden after debate → Weeks of hanging on, defending → Changing to Kamala
• Ukraine unexpectedly invades Russia to their shock

Finances

• Price of myopic focus on wisdom
• How can reduce prices by shopping around with reviews (E.g. Watch for $40, iPhone case $ 12 , hair clippers $20)
• How risk adverse I am: When markets tanked
• In order and visibility greatly ↓ anxiety
• Power of finances in order (E.g. South America travels)

Finances limiting me

• Lost in wisdom, no strategy
• Not invest in 2017 (or 2020 during Covid)
• Not invest in Nasdaq
• Not track levies etc. over time, only big expenses. Not notice levies etc ↑
• Move away from HSBC in 2023 only. Lose out interest as rising in 21, 22
• Wasted so much finances in 2017, 2018 etc.
• Threw out paper statements (utility bills etc.)
• Tax pre 2020 not keep records of calculations
• Not seeing some expenses coming off (e.g. housemate advert)
• Car hold on and keep spending

Insights (2023)

Dx binging is bad for productivity

• 7 hours on 7 (5 hours on 2)

Essential to do bank checks 

• Lost $440 over 2 years from Roommates.com

Be informed, ignorance is stressful

• Capital gains on property, did calculations. Became clear.
• Research on PAYE.
• Research on % of house in tax returns.
• % yield on dividends verse interest.

When the mind is anxious, it tells terrible lies

• E.g. Slideshow, tax sms

Nip potential issues in the bud right away

• Become informed (online & experts)
• Prevention, not cure.
• Face worries & take action.
• Knowing can prevent so much worry.
• E.g. Tax issue if I'd googled it.

Look after health. 

• Blood pressure
• Pulse
• Blood tests
• Get a watch
• Do exercise
• Get rid of belly fat

When climbing a hill, go slow. 

• Not exert heart rate
• Metaphor for life. One step at a time, super slow.
• Power of tiny steps without exertion. This step alone. Limit looking at destination.

Don’t take Gav as gospel

• Better to be realistic than overly optimistic ? 

Love & respect my Future Self.  

• What I do today. What I choose. My dx consumption.  All effect my beloved future self. Do it for him.

Bernardo Kastrup

I learned of Bernardo through Rupert Spira. He is a wonderful philosopher who makes a very convincing argument for  idealism, the theory that reality is mental rather than physical. I read most of his books and listened to many hours of him very eloquently discussing this theories on Youtube.

Books that inspired me

Quotes

• Physics is a science of perception. We start with perception and then start to model the behavior of those perceptions. Bernardo Kastrup
• Science does not say what things are. It only says how they behave. Bernardo Kastrup
• Experience is already mind in motion. Bernardo Kastrup
• All of reality is a phenomenon of, and in, mind. Bernardo Kastrup
• The brain is like a whirlpool in the stream of mind. Bernardo Kastrup
• All reality is in mind, including your body and brain. Bernardo Kastrup
• We are all multiple personalities of a cosmic consciousness.  Bernardo Kastrup
• How can consciousness arise from something truly unconscious. Bernardo Kastrup
• Death causes us to remember all that we already know but cannot recall. Bernardo Kastrup
• Every whirlpool represents the subjective world of its respective human being. Bernardo Kastrup
• If you can be sure of anything at all, it is that your conscious perceptions exist. Bernardo Kastrup
• The whirlpool represents a partial localization of the flow of experiences in the stream. Bernardo Kastrup
• The whirlpool of mind ‘filters out’ of itself most subjective experiences unfolding in nature. Bernardo Kastrup
• The brain is like a whirlpool in the stream of mind that filters in our experience and filters out all else. Bernardo Kastrup
• Localized points-of-view become seemingly amnesic of everything that doesn’t fall within their respective vortices. Bernardo Kastrup
• According to idealism, all of reality – the entire universe – exists in mind, although not all in your egoic mind alone. Bernardo Kastrup
• In a sense, we have been deputized by mind at large to look back at itself and try to make something out of what we see. Bernardo Kastrup

The power of awareness

Hi there Aimee

I had this thought and wanted to share it with you...

If you were God, you could go to anyone, spiritual or not spiritual, and offer them the entire world and all they could ever dream of (all the money, fame, love, intelligence, talent, good looks, experiences, special powers and indescribable pleasures imaginable).  In exchange for this, all they need to sacrifice is their conscious awareness.  No-one in their right mind would make the exchange!  Without the light of awareness, these things would go on in the dark, unknown and in-experiencable and therefore, meaningless.  That’s how precious awareness is!!

In my circumstances, if God were to come to me and offer me 100 million dollars and in exchange for it, all I need to sacrifice is my ability to be aware of being aware while thoughts arise. In other words, I'd go back to and stay in the state I was in 7 years ago of being totally identified with my thoughts and mind.  I'd say "thank you, God, but no, I'll stick with my awareness."  That's how sacred awareness is to me: the ability to rest in it and know myself as it.

So it has just struck me how precious awareness is. And we can rest in it knowingly (bask in it, Be it) whenever we want.  It's effortless and free and our innermost essence.  Wow, what a priceless gift!!!!

Graeme

---

Wow... that is so beautifully put. I really had to take a few moments to sit in the Awareness-I-AM and feel the preciousness of that.
And you are so right, AWARENESS is the treasure, the gift, the jewel, the diamond...
What ELSE could possibly be? I am laughing even thinking about the concept that anything could be more precious than the conscious Awareness-Infinite Mind-we are.
But we think fame, money, beauty etc etc etc is the PRIZE for Awareness - Never!
This Awareness is unpossessed and that's what makes it so incredible... no amount of external pleasure can make you feel more Aware...
How blessed are we, Graeme? Truly, we have found the most prized jewel that is free for all.. paradoxical yes...but also simply the Truth.
AND YET we also get to experience being this unique individual called Graeme and Aimee.. what a Wonder of Wonder ! ! !
Aimee x o x

Insights (2019)

• The importance and power of balance and variety.
• Power of being real, not perfect.
• Thank you life, for awareness, surrender and spaciousness.
• Wisdom Trove, Compass and Life Trove are expressions of the same thing: Guiding wisdom and appplication (Compass) and the sharing of the wisdom, applied to my life (Life Trove,)  Also about truth and inspiration to see sacredness of world and embrace life.
• My life is a laboratory for experimenting with the wisdom from Wisdom Trove.
• Wisdom Trove is a form of content curation: Selective wisdom, specific theme (Wisdom on the art of living) and a specific point of view.

Insights (2018)

12 focus areas of my life strategy

• Aware, Surrendered, Spacious
• Connection, Wisdom, Wonder
• Exercise, Diet, Rest
• Vision, Strategy, Process

More

• Consciousness is inner experience. Consciousness is the ultimate mystery.
• World is made of perception, not matter
• Purpose, Vision, Values (Inner verse Outer purpose)

Marion, wise seer and intuitive healer extraordinaire

I totally love this amazing and beautiful human being. A fellow South African, Marion is an intuitive therapist and energy healer and played a huge role in my life from 2017 - 2021. Recommended by Tina, her wisdom and insight has had a profoundly transforming effect on my life.  

I recommended all my spiritual friends to her and Shushann, Nic, Sharon, Xenia, Aimee, Lydia, Jane and Chris all ended up seeing her and swear by her.

I don't see Marion on a regular basis right now but just knowing she is there if I ever need her makes all the difference.

Marion's husband is also wonderful. We have met up for lunch on several occasions and had deep philosophical discussions. A wonderful meeting of the minds.  He got me interested in Iain McGilchrist whose books on the left and right brain I subsequently read from cover to cover.

Marion and Alun

Some insights and breakthroughs

• Help connecting to my greater Self and to a sense of oneness with All.  Felt connected for days.  All mental aspects fell into place. 
• Anger as 4 or 5 year old. A powerful "Fuck you!"  Then release and laughter.
• Marion drew a diagram of my head with a line up my neck and across the sides of my head. She said it was something for me to have looked at. Extraordinarily, I had experienced pain up my neck the night before, causing a headache to manifest along the sides of my head exactly as she had drawn. I had never mentioned my discomfort with my neck before.
• Confinement in the womb as the source of my fear of being trapped? Release and compassion for my baby self.
• The source of my strident, incessant voices: "Sergeant Rush More!" and "Sergeant Do More!"  Marion asked "What happened when you were 16?" My answer: "I was depressed and coped by immersing myself in hard work." That was the birth of those voices.
• I am worried that I will cause upset. I am sensitive and I pick up on others' upset energy. Marion's advice: "Give them permission to get upset.  Honour that. Remain centred in being caring and loving."
• The terror is not a place but a momentary experience contained in the One. I am not separate from That.  Be the space for the Fear. Be with it as a sensation.
• What would not needing to try look like?  There is no need to try! Allow creativity to unfold through me from Universal Intelligence.
• I have an attachment to Wisdom Trove being popular. Marion: "That's not the true measure of its success. The true measure is if it deeply effects one person who goes into a position of influence.  What you do (and the wisdom gained in the process) goes into collective consciousness for the benefit of the all."
• Visioning is good and fine as well as surrender. It’s God doing it after all.  Surrender is letting go of attachment to results.
• Disapproval is not personal. I’m as they need me to be to process their own stories and projections.
• Profound experiences of disappearing into stillness.
• Mackie chose to go down the stairs and gave up in order to allow me to goto Nepal. It was a fearful experience but also an act of love.

People I referred to Marion

1. Nic
2. Alessandro
3. Aimee
4. Sharon
5. Xenia
6. Jane
7. Chris
8. Lydia

Michael Singer

I read Michael Singer's book "The Surrender Experiment" thanks to a recommendation from Nic. It had a huge impact on me.  Surrender is now a core spiritual value for me. I also read his book "The Untethered Soul" which I also found very powerful. 

Books that inspired me

Some favourite quotes

Just sit in the seat of awareness and never leave

• Come to know the one who watches the voice, and you will come to know one of the great mysteries of creation.
• Now you are in your center of consciousness. You are behind everything, just watching. That is your true home.
• Consciousness is the highest word you will ever utter. There is nothing higher or deeper than consciousness. Consciousness is pure awareness.
• If you aren’t centered, your consciousness is just following whatever catches its attention.
• You are sitting inside the center of consciousness watching your personal TV show. But there are so many interesting objects distracting your consciousness that you can’t help but get drawn into them. It’s overwhelming. It’s three-dimensional. It’s all around you. All of your senses draw you in—sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch—as well as your feelings and your thoughts. But you are really sitting quietly inside looking out at all these objects.

Withdraw attention from and identification with the mind

• Withdraw your attention, and the thinking mind falls away.
• My sense of me no longer included the neurotic thought patterns that were passing in front of me.
• When your mind is disturbed, don’t ask, “What do I do about this?” Instead ask, “Who am I that notices this?”

Stay open and aware in a state of relaxed allowing (non-resistance)

• Acceptance means that events can make it through you without resistance.
• Your only way out is the witness. Just keep letting go by being aware that you are aware.
• Stop defining the disturbed mind as a negative experience; just see if you can relax behind it.

To stay happy, keep your heart open

• Most of all, keep your heart relaxed and  open.
• No matter what happens below you, just turn your eyes upward and relax your heart.
• The moment you feel a change, relax your shoulders and relax the area around your heart. The moment the energy moves, you simply relax and release.
• Every single time you relax and release, a piece of the pain leaves forever. Every time you resist and close, you are building up the pain inside.
• If you close around the pain and stop it from passing through, it will stay in you.
• The more open you remain, the more  energies and experiences are able to pass through you

In so doing, you are able to fully embrace the experiences of life

• Don’t be afraid of death. Let it free you. Let it encourage you to experience life.
• To see, to experience, and to honor is to participate in life instead of standing back and judging it.

Use your human energies and disturbances to awaken and transcend

• Awareness transcends what it is aware of.
• Now what used to hold you down becomes what wakes you up.
• That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up.

You now become aware of a universe behind your seat of consciousness

• When the drop of consciousness that knows itself as an individual drifts back far enough, it becomes like the drop that falls into the ocean. The Atman (Soul) falls into the Paramatman (Supreme Soul). The individual consciousness falls into the Universal Oneness. And that’s it.

This is how you know something about God. You become one with Him.

• Such a state exists; one can merge into the Universal Absolute. One can merge into God.
• If you move your search for God down to the mental level, somebody will dispute it. You can’t know God that way. It must come from actual experience. Michael Singer

This centred state of awareness is a state of freedom

• The only way to inner freedom is through the one who watches: the Self.
• To feel great love and freedom, to find the presence of God within you, all of this stored pain must go.
• Let go of the need to control everything with the mind
• Life is continuously changing, and if you’re trying to control it, you’ll never be able to fully live it.

Realise there is a creative Intelligence running the show that is far vaster than the limited human mind

• If life can manifest the DNA molecule on its own, not to mention create the human brain, how is it that we feel that we have to control everything on our own?
• If the natural unfolding of the process of life can create and take care of the entire universe, is it really reasonable for us to assume that nothing good will happen unless we force it to?

Surrender to life’s unfolding

• Life was asking me to get out of the way and let her do her thing.
• I was willing to roll the dice and let the flow of life be in charge.
• I was not in charge, yet life continued to unfold as if it knew just what it was doing.
• It seems as though life knew exactly what it was doing, and as usual, my mind knew nothing.
• What would happen to me if I just inwardly surrendered my resistance and let the flow of life be in charge?
• My personal experience is that aligning one’s will with the natural forces unfolding around us leads to some surprisingly powerful results.
• I decided to stop listening to all the chatter about my personal preferences, and instead, start the willful practice of accepting what the flow of life was presenting me.

Quotes on Wisdom Trove

Rupert Spira

Apart from Eckhart Tolle, no spiritual teacher has played a greater role in my spiritual awakening and evolution.  I have read many of his books and listened to many hours of his teachings on You Tube.

Books that inspired me

Some favourite quotes

• Happiness is in the knowing of our own Being.
• Happiness is simply to allow everything to be exactly as it is from moment to moment.
• In ignorance, I am something; in understanding, I am nothing; in love, I am everything.
• Love is the experience that others are not others. Beauty is the experience that objects are not objects.
• Give your attention to the experience of seeing rather than to the object seen and you will find yourself everywhere.
• There are not two things—one, the screen and two, the image. There is just the screen.
• The greatest discovery in life is to discover that our essential nature does not share the limits nor the destiny of the body and mind.
• Only that which is always with you can be said to be your self and if you look closely and simply at experience, only awareness is always ‘with you’.
• The separate self is not an entity; it is an activity: the activity of thinking and feeling that our essential nature of pure Awareness shares the limits and the destiny of the body and mind.
• Just as a screen is intimately one with all images and, at the same time, free of them, so our true nature of luminous, empty Knowing is one with all experiences and yet, at the same time, inherently free of them.
• Quotes on Wisdom Trove

Key insights

• All I can be certain of is the awareness of experience and the awareness of being aware. In other words, all I can be certain of is the existence of consciousness. The existence of a world external to consciousness, consisting of matter, is pure conjecture.
• Experience is indisputably real even if what is experienced is an illusion (not what it seems). The ego (the sense of being a separate self) is an experience I am having. It is an activity in consciousness.  But it has no stand-alone existence except as an experience in consciousness being had by consciousness.
• Consciousness is not only the Knower of all experience but also the Substance of all experience. Consciousness always only knows Itself. There is only God, Godding.

Insights (2017)

• Rush to tell Sharon re Yogi without planning it
• Did not rush into threat with Sharmista.  Sent her blessings.
• Mal Plumber under immense pressure - took personally. 
• Interplay of Essence and Substance
• Make decisions using Consciousness ladder
• Surrender - no agency, nothing personal

Insights (2016)

• Love the mind; the being. "Its ok my baby"
• Just notice what's here. What's here Now?
• Utter simplicity. Absolutely necessary? Space up.
• All spiritual thoughts are empty, arising from emptiness and returning to it. All pointing to this.
• May all beings be happy and free
• Watching mind and labeling
• This is a natural world, governed by natural laws, unfolding as meant to, and Life is on the journey too.
• A multiverse of different laws ?
• The totality of the universe brought me and this moment into being. Exactly as meant to be. As am I. 
• Don't act in anger or resentment (Chris, Sue)
• What is happening now? What is arising in the space I am?

The Ultimate Experience

Just for fun, lets experiment with a conceptual way of looking at the experience of Life that has the potential to include all the religious and spiritual view-points of human beings as well as the views (experiences) of other living forms too ...


The most universal truth spoken about by spiritual mystics and enlightened beings is that We are all One

A commonly held Scientific view-point is that you, in concept at least, are nothing but space containing swirling particles, moved and held together by energy. I am the same.  The space between us is the same.  Basically the two of us and the space between us is one space, containing swirling particles and energy.

The separation between us is an illusion created by both distance and energy attachments holding particles together - and most importantly, the interpretation made of that made by the brain.  Science may one day discover that distance is as much an illusion as time.   We already know that death breaks particle attachments releasing space into space and allowing energy and particles to dissipate to become part of everything else.

Modern spirituality talks more and more about God (The Infinite) being formless and timeless; something beyond this dimension of form we live in.  What if we create a conceptual view-point where we think of God in the dimension we live in as being that which is formless?  Namely, Space.  After all, through history we’ve represented God as an energy form (e.g. The Sun), as physical form (e.g. idols or even some animals) and as a mind concept or image (e.g. A father in Heaven).  The only thing we haven’t represented God as yet is Space or “Nothingness."

Using this conceptual framework (and it is nothing more than that), the universe is nothing but swirling particles and energy contained in Space. Everything in One Space, and Space in Everything.  Space in every single form, living and non living.  And Space between all physical forms, embracing them as part of One Space.

Imagine the implications that.  A conceptual view of Truth that believes in Nothing, yet also acknowledges Everything including all points of view.  A view that provides a deep sense of the inter-connectedness and Oneness of all things, physical and otherwise, in line with realities we think we know.


Why would the Infinite choose to be Space in a world of Form?

In this room, containing you and me, right now, there is nothing but Space (God) containing swirling particles and energy.  Why?  Because God, being Formless, is having an experience of being Form in a dimension of duality (which is ultimately the polarity between spaciousness (limitless) and density (limitation).

God is experiencing this world of form through “us” in this very moment of Now.  Except, we don’t exist.  The identities we create are illusions of the human brain (itself nothing but space, particles and energy), specifically designed to perpetuate this illusion.  And God loves the illusions of the human mind and the stories it creates (including the “story” of ourselves) as much It delights in waking up to Itself within the human form. Why?  Because stories, including stories of self, are part of the experience of life for the human form.

However, this world of form is about far, far more than the experience of God waking up to Itself through the human form (and the other equally valid experiences that other religions and spirituality contain.

To think that all this is about the human form and experiences through it is one of the ultimate illusions of the human brain and is steeped in human ego.  God is having a personal experience through every living form that exists now and has ever existed. When an eagle soars, God is experiencing that through the form that is the eagle. When an ant scurries, God is experiencing that through the form that is the ant. Not just through that particular ant, but through every ant on the planet, now and past.   All life experiences through each and every life form is separate. But all separate experiences are part of One Experience.  And no single experience (whether that of a human or beetle) is any more important than another.


Maybe God is creating the ultimate Work of Art through form
We know that God is the ultimate Creator. The ultimate Artist.  Maybe this Universe is the ultimate work of art.  An infinite cosmic canvas created through forms and experiences. An eternal symphony.  Each living form and its experiences is a “dab of paint” on that infinite canvas.  Each living form and its experiences a note in the eternal symphony.  And each dab of paint and each note is a priceless and essential part of the whole.

The One Experience comprises almost an infinite number of experiences.  On this planet, this includes an experience of:

• Evolving, through Life forms, from limited to limitless - from water to land to air and into Space.
• The elation and expansion of the soul (none other than God within the form) when the form triumphs over challenge and diversity.
• The love and compassion that flows when God, experiencing though one form, connects to God, experiencing through another form.
• The joy of creating through form.  Yes, the creation of art, music, architecture and tools through the human form and all else it creates.  But also the creation of life stories, both real and fictional. And world stories like history.   The creation of thought and knowledge.  But also the creation of elaborate nests, termite cities, coral colonies created through other life forms. And all else they create.
• The joy of exploration and the discovery of new frontiers and possibilities.
• The delight of inspiration, insight, revelation and wisdom and the unfolding of profound truths.
• Waking up to the exquisite, breath-taking beauty and wonder of this world of form. Looking out into the vast night sky and contemplating the infiniteness of it all.  No wonder the soul (the space within) expands when God contemplates infinite space through form for it is the very nature of God.
• The joy, delight and laughter of God when God wakes up through form to experience Itself more and more directly, more and more undistorted by the lens of the human mind.
• And so, so, so much more.

Certainly, through the human form, there are countless experiences of peace and joy and love.    Certainly experiences of the wonder and beauty of it all. And experiences of abundance and transcendence.   But what good would those experiences be without their opposites?  Experiences of limitation, scarcity, pain and suffering?  And the soul expanding experience of transcending them?  If you were God, would you choose to experience a world like that?  A life of constant bliss and peace.  A world with no challenges and no pain required to deepen and expand the spirit, grow and triumph? No experience of expanding from the ultimate limitation (being nothing) to the ultimate freedom (being Everything.)    Surely a world like that containing perpetual heaven would feel like a kind of hell after a while?


Experiment with the concept of "God as Space" and see if it translates into a direct experience

Nothing points to truth if it doesn’t translate into a direct personal experience.  For no concept is true because the mind cannot comprehend truth.  Words are only signposts to a truth the heart can feel and the soul within can sense through its own expansion.

If you’re willing to experiment with the idea that God is the Space within you, here are practices to try.  Practices to allow God to experience the world more directly through the form you take.  To experience the joy and peace within.  To love.  To release pain and heal.  To inspire.  To have access to universal intelligence and creativity.  In a nutshell, for the form you take, to be an instrument for God ...


Create Space in your life; special time for God to breathe within “you."

• Be the Space for this moment.  The more space behind your awareness, the more God experiences this moment directly, free of the distortions of the mind and the more “aliveness” there will be.
• Be the Space for someone else through spacious listening without thought or judgement. Or through shared stillness.  If they are the space for you, God unites with God and there is an opening of the heart to deep unconditional love.
• Be the space for pain, in yourself and others, and there will be a release of dense energy which brings healing over time.
• Bring Space to ideas, both new and old.  Let God breathe life and inspiration into them and combine them with other ideas to create something startlingly new.
• Bring space to your decisions and choices.  Decide from Space (peace and stillness), not from contraction  (desire and fear).
•  Let all doing arise from Space (stillness and peace).  And bring Space into the midst of all doing too to create inspired, effortless, mindful action.
• Be a Space for natural beauty.  Be the space for a flower. Or even a pebble.  Or a grain of sand.  Let God experience it as directly as possible.  Feel the exquisite beauty and wonder of it all explode from within.
• Create Space in the body - breathe in, yawn, stretch.
• Bring Space to all your attachments.  Space loosens the bonds between forms to release energy and create spaciousness.
• Create mind Space though stillness, time in nature and whatever else quietens the mind.
• To get a sense of whether a thought tends to truth or falsehood, first bring deep Space (stillness) to the mind and body.  Say the thought out loud and bring spacious awareness to the body.  If there is a sense of expansion of the soul (space) within you, the thought is true for you.  If there is a contraction, it is not.
• Declutter to create Space.  Ditch physical stuff that is not serving you.  But most of all, ditch mental stuff - ideas and beliefs that don’t serve you. In fact, let go All of it and see what happens.
• Lie under a night sky and be the Space for the vast Space above you.  Feel your Soul expand, for that that you look out into is what You are.  Infinite and vast beyond comprehension.
• Become aware of the energy you bring to all your intentions and goals.  Is the energy spacious (peaceful) and loving?  Or full of contraction (fear and desire)?

In these ways and more, bring Space to everything in life. Experiment with all practices that help you to loosen around any contractions and densities you feel within you.  Bring Space to them.  Most of all, let go of the perceived need to try so hard for that more than anything creates deep contraction, the very opposite of Space.

As you open to space and loosen around contraction, feel the expansion and delight in the release.  Welcome to Freedom. Welcome to Possibility.  The more you open to Space, the deeper that experience becomes. And the more the heart opens to love and joy; energies that bless the world and the more Space is released through you into the world as Peace.

Insights (2015)

Spiritual

• Reading the Mystery Experience.
• Cast of characters in head & dialogues
• Radical letting go and surrender.
• Letting go of psychic tension (rushing, striving, physical tension).
• Churning for order blocks creativity and inspiration.  I let my mind be alive, untamed, free.
• Give it space to breathe. Not smother it.
• A change will require a radical change (Radical Letting Go)
• When present, it's Consciousness that experiences wonder. Sees out of eyes of this form.
• Movie: Amy leading to universe as art.
• Life is Consciousness’s epic masterpiece of art, each of us a brushstroke.
• Slow and easy, my friend, All is Well.
• Am I here now?
• Test for truth: What expands the soul.
• God is experiencing Life through each living form. A symphony.

Other

• Stop avoiding and face it.  (leak)
• Plan ahead to avoid last minute stress (balcony)
• Power of a bit at a time (SA blog, Evernote migration)
• Need to be more decisive (state preference)
• Need to let go of need to impress (Chrisel)
• Not rushing into floors solution - evolved

Mystical experience: The form I temporarily take

I had such a deep, profound experience tonight while listening to music. I felt so much love that I thought my heart would burst. I just cried and cried. Then, I felt moved to write down some of what I sensed so deeply. 

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Consciousness is timeless and formless. Consciousness is no-thing. Consciousness is everything that is.

This form named "Graeme" is a creation (expression) of Consciousness. Just as this time based universe of form is a creation of Consciousness ...

- A way for Consciousness to experience itself through form.

- A way for Consciousness to delight in the universe of form it has created.

- A way for Consciousness to experience itself in a world of duality...  to experience itself as the light it is in a relative world of light (it) and dark (absence of it).

- A way for Consciousness to create; for Consciousness is infinitely creative.

- A way for Consciousness to awaken to itself.

Consciousness is pure Love. Underneath this world of form, there is nothing but PURE LOVE.

Knowing this is to fall into a sense of pure trust and peace that All is well, that All is perfect, that All is as exactly as it should be.

The "I" named Graeme is an illusion. A fantasy created by the mind. Letting go of that illusion allows Consciousness to wake up through this form named Graeme.

When the mind of this form lets go and pure awareness emerges, it is Consciousness itself that is aware through this form.

When the mind lets go and there is a deep wonder and love for it all, it is Consciousness itself delighting in the world through this form.

When the mind lets go and creativity and inspiration flows, it is Consciousness itself creating through this form.

This form named Graeme (including it's mind and ego) is perfect for Consciousness to experience what it is here to experience.

When the mind of this form loses itself completely in thought, judgement, fear, pride, guilt, shame or anger, Consciousness becomes trapped in that and "falls asleep"  until awareness re-emerges and it wakes up again.

This form named Graeme is not unimportant or immaterial.  Quite the opposite.  It's a perfect expression of Consciousness.  Perfect in every way for the divine purpose of Consciousness to unfold.  Wondrous and miraculous. Vital and precious beyond words. Honour this form.  While letting go of all attachment to it and identification with it.

The intention of this form named Graeme is to let go of the mind and ego to become pure awareness.  To allow Consciousness to wake up to itself.   To become an open space for Consciousness to flow into the world.  A space for Consciousness to delight in the world.  A space for Consciousness to create.  A space for love, compassion, kindness, wonder, inspiration, peace, and joy to flow.

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One of my intentions on my spiritual journey is to let go of the mind-made sense of "self".  The "story of me" that the mind creates. After all, it's just a carefully edited, selectively remembered fantasy.  An illusion that exists only as thoughts. It is not Who I Am. And in my experience, the more I attach to that story and get my identity from it, the less Consciousness is able to flow through the form.  Because with it inevitably comes energies like guilt, shame, desire, pride and fear, all of which "suck up" Consciousness rather than allowing it to flow into the world.

To give up the mind made sense of self is to become a Space that allows Consciousness (The real Self that I Am) to flood through.  And with it flows inspiration, wonder, compassion, peace and most of all, Love, for the benefit of all.

Having said this, "I" have temporarily taken on a form. The form "I" take has a body and a mind.  All inherited. All perfect creations and expressions of Consciousness. All created for the divine purpose of the universe to unfold.  Especially for the purpose of Consciousness to awaken to itself in this world of form.  Even the ego I have inherited (seen by some as the "enemy") is perfect for Consciousness to experience what is wishes to experience, until I am able to let it go.  And as  Eckhart says "Without the ego, there would be no awakening."

When I am able to honour the form I temporarily take, and feel a sense of wonder in it, as a perfect expression of Consciousness and a way for the universe's divine purpose to unfold - but without getting my sense of identity from it - then letting go of the little self and awakening to the real Self becomes easier.

Tim Freke

Tim Freke is a spiritual author who had a huge impact on me through his books, especially "The Mystery Experience" It was a catalyst to my interest in quantum physics and its relationship to consciousness. He provided wonderful context to the experiences of immense love and wonder that had been arising in my life.  He also contributed greatly to my understanding that Universal Consciousness (God) is experiencing life through us, as us.

This short video moved me so much.  It sums up so beautifully what much I've discovered on my spiritual journey over the past two years.

Books that inspired me

Quotes

• You are different from me and yet we are one. Tim Freke
• You are infinite potential playing at being a person. Tim Freke
• I am the primal oneness of awareness, conscious through Tim. Tim Freke
• The multiplicity is only apparent, in truth there is only one mind. Tim Freke
• All we actually know for sure is what we are experiencing right now. Tim Freke
• Your experience of this moment is all you can be absolutely sure of. Tim Freke
• ‘I am’ is one of the great names of God in many spiritual traditions. Tim Freke
• I am spacious awareness within which my experience of life is arising. Tim Freke
• On the surface of life I appear to be Tim, but at the depths I am God. Tim Freke
• At the depths of my identity I am awareness witnessing Tim’s adventures. Tim Freke
• I am the universal field of being, individualized as a particular being. Tim Freke
• I am a spacious emptiness within which all of my experiences are arising like a dream. Tim Freke
• Is the ‘I’ your mind? The mind is something you are experiencing. It isn’t the experiencer. Tim Freke
• You are awareness witnessing a stream of experiences within which you appear to be a person. Tim Freke
• I am the field of awareness presencing a particular flow of experience that is arising right now. Tim Freke
• There is no little man inside my head who is choosing to say this or do that. There is no ‘doer’. Tim Freke
• Your experience of this moment is not a belief that can be questioned. It is a self-evident certainty. Tim Freke
• Right now, you are awareness witnessing a stream of experiences. This is your permanent essential identity. Tim Freke
• Awareness isn’t something within your experience. It is an emptiness that contains all you are experiencing. Tim Freke
• As a body I appear to exist within the world, but essentially I am awareness and the world exists within me. Tim Freke
• Being one with God and being in love with God are paralogically different ways of experiencing the same awakened state. Tim Freke
• The purpose of the spiritual journey is not to arrive anywhere, but rather to engage with the adventure of life in a new way. Tim Freke
• There is one awareness imagining itself to be everything and everyone, and meeting itself in all its many different disguises. Tim Freke
• We must become conscious of the oneness of being through the separateness. Tim Freke
• You and I are the singularity looking at itself… thinking about itself… confused about itself. Tim Freke
• When we become conscious of the deep mystery, the mystery experience spontaneously arises. Tim Freke
• For me the wonderful thing about awakening is that it enables me to embrace my human nature just as it is. Tim Freke
• Paralogical thinking means understanding reality from opposite points of view that complement each other. Tim Freke
• Logical thinking is either/or thinking.   Paralogical thinking is both/and thinking.  If we adopt a both/and perspective it becomes much more straightforward to awaken.  Tim Freke
• God is the primal being dreaming itself to be all beings. You and I appear to be separate individuals, but essentially, we are all God! Tim Freke
• Spirituality encourages us to pay attention to the elusive subjective perspective. It urges us to ‘look within’ and become conscious of the deep I. Tim Freke
• She’d seen herself as trying to wake up to ‘God’, which felt like an impossible challenge. Now she felt that ‘God’ was trying to wake up through her. Tim Freke
• The primal field of unconscious awareness is ‘dreaming’ itself to be many conscious individuals, through which it is coming to know itself and love itself. Tim Freke
• Haven’t you noticed how full of significant patterns and strange coincidences your experience is? As if there is some hidden meaning? Well, that’s because this is a dream. Tim Freke
• Objectively, you’re an insignificant speck of dust passing through this vast universe. But subjectively, you’re the centre of the universe, around which everything revolves. Tim Freke