Louise Kramer

Sessions with Louise

• I heard about Louise through Nerium through Louise's relayed wisdom: "You do the best you can with where you're at." The best you can at the level of consciousness you're at.
• Introduced me to Don Miguel Ruiz. Don't take things personally. A person perceives you through their story.  Don Miguel happened to be doing a presentation in Sydney which I went to.
• Introduced me to Byron Katie and The Work.  Inspired my "enquiry" and "assurance."  Helped me get over Dani and hellish thoughts. Also transcend judgements of others.
• First person I spoke to about Wisdom Trove. Gave her access. She gave me a lot of encouragement, especially about approval seeking.

Approval seeking (something I wrote, inspired by our sessions)


My need to be approved by others is my own need to be approved by myself. To seek approval is to assume I'm not whole.

In seeking approval, I pay a heavy price ...

• I waste energy and time, the precious stuff that life is made of.
• I'm driven to try to manipulate you and your mind.
• I stop sharing all of myself.
• I sacrifice my uniqueness in an attempt to fit in.
• I pretend to be who I am not. Then when you say "I love you," I can't believe it, because I know you're loving someone that doesn't exist.
• I put my happiness in another's keeping, making myself their hostage, and I become easy to own, control and manipulate.
• I make everyone my judge, opening up the fear of rejection.

Approval seeking is bound to lead to failure and pain ...

• It's impossible to control what others think.
• It's impossible to please everyone. In fact trying to do so is the surest way to fail.
• Even the warmest and most sincere approval can be taken away at any time for any reason.

External approval is actually worth very little ...

• When someone says they approve of me, I can never know for sure if it's sincere or even true.
• The approval of another is just their projection; part of their story. When someone approves of me, they're approving of their story of me; not me myself.
• Approval can be taken away at the snap of a finger.

Letting go of the need for approval brings wonderful rewards ...

• I am able to be me. That's true freedom.
• My eyes are opened to my natural wealth and I start gaining my own approval and respect.
• I become a student. I'm totally open.
• I become tranquil and peaceful.
• Paradoxically, the less I care about seeking approval, the more I tend to get.

I free myself of the need to seek approval from others ...

• Life is too short to waste time waiting for other people to approve of me and how I live my life.
• I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy.  And to be a loving space for consciousness to flow through me.  If others approve of me, that's wonderful. And if they don't approve of me, that's good too. It doesn't effect my life or happiness.
• The only person I want approval from is me. Instead of seeking love and acceptance from others, I work on loving and accepting myself.
• I don't want people's approval. I want people to  think the way they think. That's love. I focus far more on recognising the treasure in others than on trying to get them to recognise the merits in me.
• I realise deeply that the source of what I seek externally is in me already. I am perfect and complete with everything I need right here, right now to be happy. My happiness depends on nothing external, including the approval of others.

Letter to Eve (my therapist in London)

Dear Eve

This is an email out of the blue to say thank you for being the wonderful healer that you are.  Coming to see you back in 2002 was one of the best decisions I have ever made – and I will forever be thankful to you for helping me to put myself back on track.

If you’ll remember I came to see you at a very low ebb – out of work for many months and feeling close to despair.  I felt helpless and trapped and devoid of confidence - and I honestly feared I would never be happy again.  I realised I needed to see someone and I searched for counsellers on the web – and your name immediately appealed to me.  Eve Dolphin sounded like such a wonderful, friendly name!

The first time I met you I was feeling very low – but your smile made me feel much better.  I remember how you emanated such a warm, soul nourishing vibe and I felt good that I had someone to confide in.  You mentioned in our first meeting that you sensed I had positive energy and all I needed was to find a way to channel it and I would be fine – and I rember feeling hugely re-assured by that.  Sitting in the chair next to your lovely garden, with the sun shining through, and I felt  like maybe there was hope after all.  You encouraged me to talk about the things that I love to do – and to think outside the box, making me realise that I do not need to be constrained by tradition or the expectations of others (or myself!) in creating the life I want for myself.  That I am free to do what I dream, that I don’t need to chain myself to a mundane existence just because that is normal and expected of me.

It was thanks to you that I phoned up all those outdoor adventure companies, to find out if they were looking for a tour leader for the summer.  I wouldn’t have dreamed to do this – save for the sense of freedom and possibility that you instilled in me.  And when unexpected an opportunity came up, I was wracked with indecision and stress and pain, not knowing what to do – and again it was your support that helped me to summon the courage to go.

And of course, you know the rest.  It was the most fantastic, wonderful, awe inspiring brilliant time – 6 months in the middle east, leading young people on 5 week trips from Cairo to Istanbul -  a time of tremedous healing and I felt myself grow in confidence and spontaneity and gradually the scared me became confident and refreshed and exhilerated.  I felt free to let the real me out – a zany, funny, cheerful me – who I loved.  By the time I came back to the UK 6 months later, I felt like a different person.  And it was largely thanks to you.  If it hadn’t been for you I would never, never have gone…

Of course, it was tough coming back.  But I was married and Ally needed me with her.  She had been very accepting of me going ( I couldn’t ask for someone more supportive than her) – but understandably she needed her loved one to be present.  When I’d been back for a month or so, of course the Volvo opportunity came through – and again I was wracked with pain and indecision.  My confidence fell back – and I feared going back into a corporate world of responsibility and burden and stress.

And again, you were a saviour.  You reminded me that life was for exploring – and that by trying it out, I was not a captive -  just an adventurer exploring something new.   And you opened up my intuition too and courage through access to amazing spiritual experiences that unblocked fear and doubt and pain deep inside me.

So yet again, it was thanks to you and the sense of possibility that you instilled  that I decided to give it a go.  And again, I have been blessed.  For although Volvo is not the company I will work for for life, it was another example of the perfect thing at the right time.   Last year, I got to travel all over the world with Volvo – helping people to launch sites all through Europe, the US and South America.  I felt encouraged to be myself – zany, and positive and slightly alternative, and I grew enormously in confidence and for the first time (inconceivable), I actually enjoyed a conventional job.

This year, Ally and I have moved to Cambridge and I’m still working for Volvo, as their e-commerce manger for europe.  In the meantime, Ally and I have been accepted into Australia (we applied two years ago),  We plan to work for the rest of the year, then backpack round South America for 6 months (one of my biggest dreams) – and then settle down in australia.  All in all, things are going great – I’m keeping balanced, re-awakening old passions like movies and bird watching and travel, and growing tremendously spiritually too though meditation.

The tough times; the pain, the anguish - I can see now - were all a catalyst to new life and healing.  For it was thanks to those tough times that I got to meet you and try something different and get out out of my comfort zone.  And now I honestly feel like anything is possible.

So thank you Eve – you are an angel.  I often said I thought you were a true healer – and time has proved that to be so, so true for me. Whovever comes into your life is truly blessed.

Wishing you all life’s happiness…

Graeme Myburgh

PS – I really like your site, that’s how I found your email address!  I’ve just started blogging so if you want an update on what we’re up to, it’s all at http://graemex.blogspot.com/

Cheerio  / G