The Ultimate Experience

 

I Am

I am unremitting joy. I am utter despair.

I am languid peace. I am chaotic turmoil.

I am abundant generosity. I am insatiable greed.

I am adoring love. I am heartless indifference.

I am pure innocence. I am vulgar sleaze.

I am cocksure swagger. I am fearful doubt.

I am a shy smile.  I am a vicious snarl.

I am a soaring symphony. I am a fearful din.

I am a scurrying ant.  I am a motionless sloth.

I am a soaring eagle.  I am a crawling worm.

I am a gargantuan tree.  I am a tiny flower.

I am an omnipotent king.  I am a cowering subject.

I am an athletic champion.  I am a lazy slob.

I am a holy saint.  I am an atrocious tyrant.

I am an impenetrable jungle.  I am a withered land.

I am a  mountain peak.  I am a gaping abyss.

I am a blazing sun.  I am a planet of ice.

I am an endless galaxy.  I am a grain of sand.

I am a radiant light.  I am the darkest night.

I am this.  I am that.

I am here.  I am there.

I am him.  I am her.

I am you.  I am me.

I am the collective experience of all these things

and many, many more;

a kaleidoscope of a quintillion different perceptions

and I am that which makes experiencing possible.

I am the Eternal Subject

yet I also take the form of every object.

I Am All That Is.

I Am all Knowing.

I Am all Being.

I Am.

I Am.

I Am.

Written: 2021

Right now

Right now I Am…

   soaring high on outstretched wings

   opening my petals to the morning sun

   scurrying through a termite cathedral

  spinning an intricate web of silk

   trumpeting through an upturned trunk

   laying eggs in a little pond

   picking nits from my lover’s fur

   probing the damp soil with my spindly roots

   singing a duet through a twittering beak

   galloping along on mud-spattered hooves

   surfing waves with gleeful squeaks

   gazing out meditatively with large, luminous eyes

   stretching my branches up and out into the vast, open sky

   smelling for truffles with my sensitive, pink snout

   probing a hole in the rocks with a nimble tentacle

   paddling along a stream with powerful kicks

   hungrily sucking warm milk from my mother’s teat

   searching the ocean bed in search of a larger shell to call home

   charging headlong into the horns of another with a mighty clash

   licking my paws with a raspy tongue

   wriggling this way and that to shed my scaly skin

   breathing in air through my damp, permeable membrane

   bobbing up and down in an intricate dance with my life-long mate

   cutting the water with my dorsal fin

   rising up on thrusting haunches in orgasmic release

   stalking stealthily in pursuit of unsuspecting prey

   enclosing my young one in a protective embrace of flippers and feet

   staring patiently at the water with my rapier like bill ready to strike

   wagging my tail in unrestrained welcome

   sharing a belly-laugh with a beloved friend

   staring in wonder at a crimson sunset

   shedding grief-stricken tears at an untimely loss

   typing this poem with clumsy fingers and an open heart

All these things I, the Cosmic Mind,  experience in the timeless Now

and a quintillion quintillion more things

across countless different worlds and dimensions.

All experiences past, present, and future

exploding forth as pure perception from the Singularity I Am,

the Infinite Awareness I Am,

in a great, exultant cosmic bang,

creating the ultimate immersive, experiential work of art,

wondrous and beautiful,

epic and profound,

beyond all imagination.

Written: 2021

Embrace experience

Gaze at beauty like tomorrow you’ll suddenly find yourself blind.

Listen to music and birds singing like tomorrow you’ll be deaf.

Eat a meal like tomorrow your taste buds will dissolve and be gone.

Smell a flower like tomorrow your nose will be eternally blocked.

Make love like tomorrow you’ll lose all sense of touch.

Express love like tomorrow like you’ll be struck dumb and illiterate.

Reminisce like tomorrow all your memories will be lost.

Written: 2021

Correspondence with Yogi

 From Yogi

Beautifully said Graeme. You are being of enormous help to me. Thank🙏 you!!

Presence

Notice that you’re noticing. Resting deeply in the awareness of being aware. Resting knowingly as the presence of awareness (Rupert Spira).

Surrender

All is exactly as it is meant to be at this moment. This includes anxiety. I don’t care what happens - (Krishnamurti). God/Life is running the show. God, universal intelligence, is having a human experience through me. Yogi is just a character in the movie. Trust that all is well. Be welcoming. Sit back in the seat of awareness & enjoy the show. Be curious as to what will happen next. Enjoy every twist in the plot, & the synchronicities. You are in the world but not of the world. Don’t take it so seriously. No self, no problem.

AA - God, I turn my will & my life over to your care.

AA. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

VRE - God is well, & so are you, if you would but know it.

VRE - The awareness of the presence of a higher & friendly Power.

NM - You see yourself as in the world. I see the world as in me.

Spaciousness

Remaining relaxed & open to events, emotions - not closing. Not rushing.

Yogi. Do one thing at a time. Take your time. Pause between activities. Do everything for its own sake, not as a means to an end.

From Graeme

Wow, Yogi, that's a superb synopsis.  I love it.  Really great.  It really sums up the philosophy that has brought me a great deal of freedom and peace over the past year or two.

As you said in your follow up text, the "I don't care what happens." has absolutely nothing to  do with apathy or indifference  - and everything to do with surrender and acceptance.  When you know that there is an Infinite Intelligence unfolding all experiences and events, you surrender to that power and let it run your life.  You thus allow these unfolding experiences and events to be as they are, trusting that all that arises is for the ultimate Good of the All.  All is as it's meant to be even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.  In my experience, the good of what the mind labels as bad is often revealed much later in hindsight.   

It is very much in this sense that Krishnamurti said "The difference between you and me is that I don't care what happens."  As Eckhart says, he is totally aligned with life and with what is unfolding in the present moment. He is fully surrendered to God and to Life's unfolding.  

In this state of consciousness, paradoxically, the choices that get made and actions that get taken in order to deal with life's challenges are so much more inspired and intelligent.  You have access to universal intelligence. In a sense, God is choosing and acting through you. 

In an even deeper sense, there is no you.  Only God experiencing being you and everyone else. In this sense, the life of Yogi really is like a movie and Yogi exists as a character in it. And who would want to experience a movie where nothing ever seems to go wrong?  It would be dull and there would be no character development or profundity. The "movie of life", I believe, is all about the experience of limitation and the experience of transcending that limitation in order to increasingly discover our true limitless nature.

I so loved our discussion yesterday and the brilliant quotes you shared.  It brought a beautiful sense of clarity.

G

The power of awareness

Hi there Aimee

I had this thought and wanted to share it with you...

If you were God, you could go to anyone, spiritual or not spiritual, and offer them the entire world and all they could ever dream of (all the money, fame, love, intelligence, talent, good looks, experiences, special powers and indescribable pleasures imaginable).  In exchange for this, all they need to sacrifice is their conscious awareness.  No-one in their right mind would make the exchange!  Without the light of awareness, these things would go on in the dark, unknown and in-experiencable and therefore, meaningless.  That’s how precious awareness is!!

In my circumstances, if God were to come to me and offer me 100 million dollars and in exchange for it, all I need to sacrifice is my ability to be aware of being aware while thoughts arise. In other words, I'd go back to and stay in the state I was in 7 years ago of being totally identified with my thoughts and mind.  I'd say "thank you, God, but no, I'll stick with my awareness."  That's how sacred awareness is to me: the ability to rest in it and know myself as it.

So it has just struck me how precious awareness is. And we can rest in it knowingly (bask in it, Be it) whenever we want.  It's effortless and free and our innermost essence.  Wow, what a priceless gift!!!!

Graeme

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Wow... that is so beautifully put. I really had to take a few moments to sit in the Awareness-I-AM and feel the preciousness of that.
And you are so right, AWARENESS is the treasure, the gift, the jewel, the diamond...
What ELSE could possibly be? I am laughing even thinking about the concept that anything could be more precious than the conscious Awareness-Infinite Mind-we are.
But we think fame, money, beauty etc etc etc is the PRIZE for Awareness - Never!
This Awareness is unpossessed and that's what makes it so incredible... no amount of external pleasure can make you feel more Aware...
How blessed are we, Graeme? Truly, we have found the most prized jewel that is free for all.. paradoxical yes...but also simply the Truth.
AND YET we also get to experience being this unique individual called Graeme and Aimee.. what a Wonder of Wonder ! ! !
Aimee x o x

Mystical experience: There is nothing but God. It's all God, Godding.

I was driving past Milson's Point train station in Sydney, quite close to home.  There were a number of people walking along the side-walk. I saw them and felt love. A powerful and sudden gnosis (an indisputable intuitive knowing beyond words) arose in me that each person was God. Each person was God having a human experience. God was looking out into the world through each person's eyes.  Everyone was God.  Everything was God. There was nothing but God. There was nothing but God Godding.

This mystical state and knowing lasted for several days.  There was an immense sense of oneness, connectedness, wonder, peace, love and euphoria.  Also, my mind felt it was more connected to universal intelligence than usual.  There were a series of deep insights and revelations.  There was deep mental clarity. 

In the midst of this, I met up with Aimee at The Botanica. There was a beautiful sharing of insights. At times, as I shared, I felt such love and wonder that tears streamed from my eyes.

I went to 5 Rhythms Dancing. Deep insights kept arising and I kept going off to write them down on my phone.

In the days following this experience, I felt inspired to write essays entitled "Life is God's experience" and "Why would God choose to experience objective experience?"  The words just flowed through me.  

I also started collecting quotes on the topic "Life is God's experience" for Wisdom Trove. This reached its climax in Mauritius.

Entry into a photography competition (theme: the power of sight)

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Gazing into the eyes of this majestic lion, I saw my own soul reflected. I realised that he and I and all living creatures, in essence, are one being. We are Life itself, seeing the world through a trillion eyes. And the result?  A visual kaleidoscope of unimaginable wonder; a cosmic work of art. What a gift; the power of sight.

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Gazing into the eyes of this majestic lion, I saw my own essence reflected back. We all look at the world through different eyes, yet what is looking is somehow the same. Life itself.   When eyes connect, the sacredness in another is so clear to see.

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It is all just happening (2016)

There is no person. No thinker. No doer. No chooser.


There is nothing to be, nothing to to do, nothing to think about, nothing to choose, nothing to to plan and no need even to notice.


All these things happen spontaneously, naturally and effortlessly within the Presence I Am; exactly as they are meant to


No need to worry or fear; no need to try, no need to control anything at all ..


... simply a sitting back on the sofa of Life  ...


... an enjoying of the stream of life experiences as they flow into and out of the Awareness I Am ...


… the joy of creating, expressing, loving, choosing as they naturally arise ...


... an allowing of all things to come and go ...


.. and a resting in the peace that passeth all understanding.



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I remember Eckhart posed the question: to become present in any moment, does Presence choose us or do we choose Presence?  He said it doesn't really matter.  In this play of form, there is the appearance of choice, and that's all that matters.


I like to think of free choice in this way: When I am unconscious, I follow the script of my conditioning so there isn't really any free will or choice. When I'm truly present, I surrender completely to Presence, so it is the Presence I am (not the script of the thought identified mind) that makes all the choices.  I surrender completely to Life's flow. And that is true freedom.


A puppet is free as long as he loves his strings.   Sam Harris

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In presence, when the little "I" falls away,  there is no longer a "chooser."  All sense of "self will" falls away and is replaced by a sense of "Your will be done, Life".  Choices arise and are made naturally and spontaneously in Presence; sometimes through thought; sometimes through intuition. Choices are made within a vastly deep, intelligent space that is free of the limitations of conditioning. Thus, the script falls away and infinite possibility arises.


Even the choice of whether to be present or not arises in Presence, whether we are aware of it or not.  And the only true response when awareness does arise is the deepest gratitude to Life.  For what greater gift is there than the arising of the Presence we are.  That's true Grace.



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To get to the heart of it, I don't think it matters whether we believe in free choice or not. Free choice is merely a concept of the mind, arising in awareness.


In the spiritual realm, all thoughts and concepts are inherently empty, arising from emptiness and returning to emptiness.  No need to attach. Nothing to believe in.


Ypgi, if the thought, "I choose presence" or the thought "The awareness I am makes choices" helps you to reach a state of presence, then it is a beautiful signpost for you, pointing to a surrendered state in which choices are made effortlessly and intelligently. No need to discard it.


Buddha once said, to awaken, we do not need the entire forest, just a few leaves.  To awaken, we do not need to try to understand the entire workings of the cosmos, just a few useful pointers to stillness.


Of course, any particular pointer is subjective. It may work for one, not for another. That's the beauty of the diversity of consciousness's expression through the human form.

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Waves

By being a tranquil space for the waves that flow into and out of our lives, we learn to ride them with a beautiful grace; even the mighty waves that seem unsurfable at first.

As the practice deepens, we merge more and more with the immense ocean currents that give rise to the very waves themselves.  And so we become instruments for the endless, loving power of the ocean to surge through us like a spring tide.

To recognise our oneness with the exquisite oceanic force, we don't need to search with exhausting kicks along its turbulent surface.  By Grace, we surrender and sink effortlessly into the serenity of its depths where we are embraced by a love vaster and deeper than even the ocean itself.

Written: 2016

Experience from a Deck Chair

I was looking out into the sky from my deck chair on my balcony.  I had an immense sense of being the space (created by the eyes looking out from the head that  could not see itself) in which the clouds and other forms like birds flying by were arising and subsiding.  I got a sense too of any thoughts that arose as coming into the space from "out there", rather than emerging from within my head.  They just passed through without getting stuck.

What made it so much more powerful was the sense that I was pinned to the very edge of the universe looking down into the universe (my part of it, my world).  It was such a strong sense that it gave me a scary and yet delicious feeling of vertigo.  I felt my back (which I  also could not see, and never can, no matter where I am) merging with an infinite Space behind me. A Space far vaster than the universe itself (my field of experience).  It felt as if the universe, as immense as it is, was contained in a sphere and I was pinned to it's outer surface with my back merging with the infinite nothingness (formless Consciousness) outside it.

I felt the space in front of the eyes (the space in which all forms arise and subside) merging with the infinite Space behind.  The more I sensed the Space behind merging with the space in front, the deeper the sense of expansiveness I felt and the more I sensed that I was that Space.  I felt tapped into something vast that was immensely peaceful but also immensely intelligent.

I still have this sense now (not as strong) when I anchor myself in the body and look out of my head into the space that contains my computer screen.   A space of awareness in front, and a sense of  vast space behind.  The forms in the foreground (arising and subsiding) AND an infinite Space in the background, both merging with each other through the aliveness of the body.


Reflections From A Deck Chair 

I gaze into the sky below
stuck to the ceiling of the world
by an invisible force
that makes leaves fall in autumn,
breasts sag with age,
daredevils hurtle from planes,
water cascade into ravines,
chairs collapse under the fat,
snow avalanche from cliffs,
rain patter onto roofs,
and ostriches stay earthbound
as much as they might want to fly.

Written: 1997 (on a holiday in Turkey)

Mystical experience: Waking up to life as God's movie

One morning in 2015, I woke up in a state of the most profound peace. I could see my entire life to that point stretched behind me and the utter perfection of its unfolding. I could see that my life was a kind of movie choreographed by a genius movie director. The movie of my life to that point and going forwards was already in the can and there was nothing I needed to do to influence it.  For the next week, I existed in a kind of blissful, enlightened state, sitting back on the sofa of awareness, watching events unfold.  Actions, choices, thoughts, perceptions all choreographed and arising perfectly. I was in a state of constant awe and wonder and a state of curiosity too as to what would arise next.  After a week, my enlightened state slipped away and I got lost, once again, in my sense of being a conscious agent living my life. But the sense that life is a kind of movie still remains.

What impact has this had on me?  Some fear that waking up to the “non-reality” of the world will make them lose interest in life.  In my experience, the opposite has been true.  Even if the physical world is not real, the experience of it is indisputably real.  In fact, the experience of it feels far more vivid and intense for me now.  I have awoken to the fact that life is a wondrous, mysterious, joyous experience to be embraced.  It still has its ups and downs and challenges, for that is exactly how life on this planet has been designed to be.  But I no longer take it all so seriously. I have realised that Graeme is no more than a kind of movie character that God I Am is experiencing the world through.  And all I need to do is sit back in the seat of awareness and enjoy the passing show.  I find myself playing more and laughing more and loving more and creating more, because knowing who I truly am somehow opens the gate to amazing spiritual creativity and power.  Also, I am no longer afraid of death. Death is but the end of the movie. It is waking up from the dream to become more truly yourself.

I have also been able to embrace my humanness and my limitations, and this has been immensely healing.  I am now able to love every part of being this character called "Graeme" especially his foibles and imperfections.  I no longer think of myself as a human being trying to become perfect like God.  I am God wanting to have a human experience.  And this character; this temporary form, including its body and its mind, is perfect in every way for the experience to be exactly as it is meant to be.  All is well, and all is as it is meant to be.

Most wonderful of all has been the blissful recognition that God is not just experiencing being “me”.  God is experiencing being everyone. God is experiencing being my loved ones and Mack, my dog. God is experiencing being everyone I meet and have ever met. And God is experiencing being every ant and every plant.  Everyone and everything is God.  God is experiencing nothing but God.  It is all God.  And I Am That.  With this realisation comes a love and a joy so deep and explosive, it is beyond description.

The Ultimate Experience

Just for fun, lets experiment with a conceptual way of looking at the experience of Life that has the potential to include all the religious and spiritual view-points of human beings as well as the views (experiences) of other living forms too ...


The most universal truth spoken about by spiritual mystics and enlightened beings is that We are all One

A commonly held Scientific view-point is that you, in concept at least, are nothing but space containing swirling particles, moved and held together by energy. I am the same.  The space between us is the same.  Basically the two of us and the space between us is one space, containing swirling particles and energy.

The separation between us is an illusion created by both distance and energy attachments holding particles together - and most importantly, the interpretation made of that made by the brain.  Science may one day discover that distance is as much an illusion as time.   We already know that death breaks particle attachments releasing space into space and allowing energy and particles to dissipate to become part of everything else.

Modern spirituality talks more and more about God (The Infinite) being formless and timeless; something beyond this dimension of form we live in.  What if we create a conceptual view-point where we think of God in the dimension we live in as being that which is formless?  Namely, Space.  After all, through history we’ve represented God as an energy form (e.g. The Sun), as physical form (e.g. idols or even some animals) and as a mind concept or image (e.g. A father in Heaven).  The only thing we haven’t represented God as yet is Space or “Nothingness."

Using this conceptual framework (and it is nothing more than that), the universe is nothing but swirling particles and energy contained in Space. Everything in One Space, and Space in Everything.  Space in every single form, living and non living.  And Space between all physical forms, embracing them as part of One Space.

Imagine the implications that.  A conceptual view of Truth that believes in Nothing, yet also acknowledges Everything including all points of view.  A view that provides a deep sense of the inter-connectedness and Oneness of all things, physical and otherwise, in line with realities we think we know.


Why would the Infinite choose to be Space in a world of Form?

In this room, containing you and me, right now, there is nothing but Space (God) containing swirling particles and energy.  Why?  Because God, being Formless, is having an experience of being Form in a dimension of duality (which is ultimately the polarity between spaciousness (limitless) and density (limitation).

God is experiencing this world of form through “us” in this very moment of Now.  Except, we don’t exist.  The identities we create are illusions of the human brain (itself nothing but space, particles and energy), specifically designed to perpetuate this illusion.  And God loves the illusions of the human mind and the stories it creates (including the “story” of ourselves) as much It delights in waking up to Itself within the human form. Why?  Because stories, including stories of self, are part of the experience of life for the human form.

However, this world of form is about far, far more than the experience of God waking up to Itself through the human form (and the other equally valid experiences that other religions and spirituality contain.

To think that all this is about the human form and experiences through it is one of the ultimate illusions of the human brain and is steeped in human ego.  God is having a personal experience through every living form that exists now and has ever existed. When an eagle soars, God is experiencing that through the form that is the eagle. When an ant scurries, God is experiencing that through the form that is the ant. Not just through that particular ant, but through every ant on the planet, now and past.   All life experiences through each and every life form is separate. But all separate experiences are part of One Experience.  And no single experience (whether that of a human or beetle) is any more important than another.


Maybe God is creating the ultimate Work of Art through form
We know that God is the ultimate Creator. The ultimate Artist.  Maybe this Universe is the ultimate work of art.  An infinite cosmic canvas created through forms and experiences. An eternal symphony.  Each living form and its experiences is a “dab of paint” on that infinite canvas.  Each living form and its experiences a note in the eternal symphony.  And each dab of paint and each note is a priceless and essential part of the whole.

The One Experience comprises almost an infinite number of experiences.  On this planet, this includes an experience of:

• Evolving, through Life forms, from limited to limitless - from water to land to air and into Space.
• The elation and expansion of the soul (none other than God within the form) when the form triumphs over challenge and diversity.
• The love and compassion that flows when God, experiencing though one form, connects to God, experiencing through another form.
• The joy of creating through form.  Yes, the creation of art, music, architecture and tools through the human form and all else it creates.  But also the creation of life stories, both real and fictional. And world stories like history.   The creation of thought and knowledge.  But also the creation of elaborate nests, termite cities, coral colonies created through other life forms. And all else they create.
• The joy of exploration and the discovery of new frontiers and possibilities.
• The delight of inspiration, insight, revelation and wisdom and the unfolding of profound truths.
• Waking up to the exquisite, breath-taking beauty and wonder of this world of form. Looking out into the vast night sky and contemplating the infiniteness of it all.  No wonder the soul (the space within) expands when God contemplates infinite space through form for it is the very nature of God.
• The joy, delight and laughter of God when God wakes up through form to experience Itself more and more directly, more and more undistorted by the lens of the human mind.
• And so, so, so much more.

Certainly, through the human form, there are countless experiences of peace and joy and love.    Certainly experiences of the wonder and beauty of it all. And experiences of abundance and transcendence.   But what good would those experiences be without their opposites?  Experiences of limitation, scarcity, pain and suffering?  And the soul expanding experience of transcending them?  If you were God, would you choose to experience a world like that?  A life of constant bliss and peace.  A world with no challenges and no pain required to deepen and expand the spirit, grow and triumph? No experience of expanding from the ultimate limitation (being nothing) to the ultimate freedom (being Everything.)    Surely a world like that containing perpetual heaven would feel like a kind of hell after a while?


Experiment with the concept of "God as Space" and see if it translates into a direct experience

Nothing points to truth if it doesn’t translate into a direct personal experience.  For no concept is true because the mind cannot comprehend truth.  Words are only signposts to a truth the heart can feel and the soul within can sense through its own expansion.

If you’re willing to experiment with the idea that God is the Space within you, here are practices to try.  Practices to allow God to experience the world more directly through the form you take.  To experience the joy and peace within.  To love.  To release pain and heal.  To inspire.  To have access to universal intelligence and creativity.  In a nutshell, for the form you take, to be an instrument for God ...


Create Space in your life; special time for God to breathe within “you."

• Be the Space for this moment.  The more space behind your awareness, the more God experiences this moment directly, free of the distortions of the mind and the more “aliveness” there will be.
• Be the Space for someone else through spacious listening without thought or judgement. Or through shared stillness.  If they are the space for you, God unites with God and there is an opening of the heart to deep unconditional love.
• Be the space for pain, in yourself and others, and there will be a release of dense energy which brings healing over time.
• Bring Space to ideas, both new and old.  Let God breathe life and inspiration into them and combine them with other ideas to create something startlingly new.
• Bring space to your decisions and choices.  Decide from Space (peace and stillness), not from contraction  (desire and fear).
•  Let all doing arise from Space (stillness and peace).  And bring Space into the midst of all doing too to create inspired, effortless, mindful action.
• Be a Space for natural beauty.  Be the space for a flower. Or even a pebble.  Or a grain of sand.  Let God experience it as directly as possible.  Feel the exquisite beauty and wonder of it all explode from within.
• Create Space in the body - breathe in, yawn, stretch.
• Bring Space to all your attachments.  Space loosens the bonds between forms to release energy and create spaciousness.
• Create mind Space though stillness, time in nature and whatever else quietens the mind.
• To get a sense of whether a thought tends to truth or falsehood, first bring deep Space (stillness) to the mind and body.  Say the thought out loud and bring spacious awareness to the body.  If there is a sense of expansion of the soul (space) within you, the thought is true for you.  If there is a contraction, it is not.
• Declutter to create Space.  Ditch physical stuff that is not serving you.  But most of all, ditch mental stuff - ideas and beliefs that don’t serve you. In fact, let go All of it and see what happens.
• Lie under a night sky and be the Space for the vast Space above you.  Feel your Soul expand, for that that you look out into is what You are.  Infinite and vast beyond comprehension.
• Become aware of the energy you bring to all your intentions and goals.  Is the energy spacious (peaceful) and loving?  Or full of contraction (fear and desire)?

In these ways and more, bring Space to everything in life. Experiment with all practices that help you to loosen around any contractions and densities you feel within you.  Bring Space to them.  Most of all, let go of the perceived need to try so hard for that more than anything creates deep contraction, the very opposite of Space.

As you open to space and loosen around contraction, feel the expansion and delight in the release.  Welcome to Freedom. Welcome to Possibility.  The more you open to Space, the deeper that experience becomes. And the more the heart opens to love and joy; energies that bless the world and the more Space is released through you into the world as Peace.

Reflection on the movie "Amy"

Why did it effect me so much?

I resonated…  with her pain.  With her being driven to create through the pain.  Also the amazing “art” that her life story creates.  No less beautiful and precious because of its sadness.  The director created a beautiful piece of art out of her life.  So you could with all our lives.  Perhaps that’s what consciousness is all about.  An artist creating art out of life stories.

Maybe when we die, we will get to watch a highlights reel of our life: our moments of grace and transcendence. What art! A cinematic masterpiece. Comedy. Tragedy. Triumph. Drama. Beautiful. Ugly. Light and dark. Brush strokes. Off screen, there is nothing but love. All well. 

Each of us is a brushstroke in a vastly epic masterpiece created by Consciousness.  Life is Consciousness’s epic masterpiece of art, each of us a brushstroke.

The way the press created a caricature of Amy. Merciless. Mocking her.  Making fun of her tragedy.  Using it to sell newspapers.  Making the shallower songs into the wildly popular ones and making her sing them when she no longer resonated with them.

I have a huge ocean of pain. Vast. So did she.  She called it “The Black.”  The source of her creative genius and her depth.   “My life and I are falling apart but these lyrics are still flowing through me."

The way she used her pain to create. Only thing that made her feel better.  She used her most painful experiences as a catalyst to sublime songs (e.g. Fade to Black.)

I felt like an outsider looking in.  Then I realised her life was not her experience - it’s Our experience.  She experienced what she did for us.

The devastation of her deeply needy love affair with Blake. How they dragged each other down, so mutually destructive.  Him using her to keep drugs coming.  Trying to use each other to fill the hole using form.   You cannot fill the hole inside you with any form.  Only by going within and being that hole, filling it with Consciousness.

She was totally authentic emotionally. Herself.  Open. No airs or graces.  Humility.  Never thought of herself as famous.

The huge effect of dad leaving, spent rest of life craving for strong, protective male character.  Her inherited script.

Blake, who played the villain. She loved him so much.  He treated her so badly at times.  Dad also villain.

When she won the Grammy. Told friends: "It’s boring without drugs."

Tony Bennett said "It's different every time with you when you sing, each song sung feels unique." She so felt her songs.  Sang with such emotional intensity.  Her way of pure feeling.

Having to sing old stuff when no longer relevant.  Trot out stuff that had become meaningless

The shackles of success. The opposite of freedom. Enslavement. Obligations. Vested interest. Others on your gravy train., pressurising you to fill obligations that they can get rich on.

Clarity just weeks before she died. Sorry to friends. Time at wedding. 

Refusing to sing in front of thousands. I saw it as a kind of triumph. Fuck you to expectations of others. Didn't want to sing old stuff.  They saw it as letting down her friends in the music industry.  No!!

I don't want to be famous. Just create peacefully. No pressure or expectations. Quietly contribute to raising in Consciousness.  Be a space. Relish in my connection with Consciousness. Enough abundance to do this and be fully alive.

 

Mystical experience: The form I temporarily take

I had such a deep, profound experience tonight while listening to music. I felt so much love that I thought my heart would burst. I just cried and cried. Then, I felt moved to write down some of what I sensed so deeply. 

---

Consciousness is timeless and formless. Consciousness is no-thing. Consciousness is everything that is.

This form named "Graeme" is a creation (expression) of Consciousness. Just as this time based universe of form is a creation of Consciousness ...

- A way for Consciousness to experience itself through form.

- A way for Consciousness to delight in the universe of form it has created.

- A way for Consciousness to experience itself in a world of duality...  to experience itself as the light it is in a relative world of light (it) and dark (absence of it).

- A way for Consciousness to create; for Consciousness is infinitely creative.

- A way for Consciousness to awaken to itself.

Consciousness is pure Love. Underneath this world of form, there is nothing but PURE LOVE.

Knowing this is to fall into a sense of pure trust and peace that All is well, that All is perfect, that All is as exactly as it should be.

The "I" named Graeme is an illusion. A fantasy created by the mind. Letting go of that illusion allows Consciousness to wake up through this form named Graeme.

When the mind of this form lets go and pure awareness emerges, it is Consciousness itself that is aware through this form.

When the mind lets go and there is a deep wonder and love for it all, it is Consciousness itself delighting in the world through this form.

When the mind lets go and creativity and inspiration flows, it is Consciousness itself creating through this form.

This form named Graeme (including it's mind and ego) is perfect for Consciousness to experience what it is here to experience.

When the mind of this form loses itself completely in thought, judgement, fear, pride, guilt, shame or anger, Consciousness becomes trapped in that and "falls asleep"  until awareness re-emerges and it wakes up again.

This form named Graeme is not unimportant or immaterial.  Quite the opposite.  It's a perfect expression of Consciousness.  Perfect in every way for the divine purpose of Consciousness to unfold.  Wondrous and miraculous. Vital and precious beyond words. Honour this form.  While letting go of all attachment to it and identification with it.

The intention of this form named Graeme is to let go of the mind and ego to become pure awareness.  To allow Consciousness to wake up to itself.   To become an open space for Consciousness to flow into the world.  A space for Consciousness to delight in the world.  A space for Consciousness to create.  A space for love, compassion, kindness, wonder, inspiration, peace, and joy to flow.

---

One of my intentions on my spiritual journey is to let go of the mind-made sense of "self".  The "story of me" that the mind creates. After all, it's just a carefully edited, selectively remembered fantasy.  An illusion that exists only as thoughts. It is not Who I Am. And in my experience, the more I attach to that story and get my identity from it, the less Consciousness is able to flow through the form.  Because with it inevitably comes energies like guilt, shame, desire, pride and fear, all of which "suck up" Consciousness rather than allowing it to flow into the world.

To give up the mind made sense of self is to become a Space that allows Consciousness (The real Self that I Am) to flood through.  And with it flows inspiration, wonder, compassion, peace and most of all, Love, for the benefit of all.

Having said this, "I" have temporarily taken on a form. The form "I" take has a body and a mind.  All inherited. All perfect creations and expressions of Consciousness. All created for the divine purpose of the universe to unfold.  Especially for the purpose of Consciousness to awaken to itself in this world of form.  Even the ego I have inherited (seen by some as the "enemy") is perfect for Consciousness to experience what is wishes to experience, until I am able to let it go.  And as  Eckhart says "Without the ego, there would be no awakening."

When I am able to honour the form I temporarily take, and feel a sense of wonder in it, as a perfect expression of Consciousness and a way for the universe's divine purpose to unfold - but without getting my sense of identity from it - then letting go of the little self and awakening to the real Self becomes easier.

My Mantra

Thank you, Divine Consciousness, for this experience of Life on this wondrous, beautiful planet.

Thank you that underlying this universe of form, All is Well, exactly as its meant to be.

Thank you for the love, abundance, health, inspiration, enthusiasm and grace that flows through this experience of Life.

Thank you for the freedom to do what I love and be fully alive.

Thank you for the fellow beings who share the journey and the chance to share love, laughter, wonder, wisdom, fun and adventure.

Thank you for the chance to play, experiment, explore, discover, hike, photograph, dance, leap ....

Thank you for the chance to break patterns, push boundaries, transcend limits and open to new possibilities.

Thank you for challenges and the chance to be courageous, to learn, to grow and to experience triumph of the spirit.

Thank you for pain and the chance it offers to lift illusions from the mind, open the heart to love, deepen the spirit, and to awaken to Who I Really Am.

Thank you that Who I Really Am can never be threatened, harmed or diminished.

Thank you that Who I Really Am is complete and whole containing everything within for perfect happiness and fulfilment.

Thank you that the temporary human form I take is perfect for the Consciousness I Am to experience what it is here to experience.

Thank you for the greatest gift of all; the gift of this sacred, perfect, priceless moment of Now.

- Free in this moment to be inmost calm and still, resting in the aliveness of the body.

- Free in his moment to let it out, let it be, let it go, let it flow.

- Free in this moment to surrender to life's unfolding and love what is.

- Free in this moment to sense my oneness with all.

- Free in this moment to be a calm, loving and open space for Consciousness to flow into the world ...

… a space for love and connection.

… a space for compassion and kindness.

… a space for peace and stillness

… a space for wonder and delight.

… a space for wisdom and insight.

… a space for inspiration and creativity.

… a space for fun and laughter.

… a space for  abundance and gratitude.

… a space for healing and vitality.

… a space for adventure and aliveness.

… a space to serve Life by sharing the gifts of this form.

… a space for the Consciousness I Am to experience and express through.

… a space space to be free.

… a space space to Be.

I Am ...

I Am ...

I Am ...

Life is an epic work of art (Feb 2013)

Life is God's novel. Let him write it. Isaac Bashevis Singer

Perhaps when the Universe returns to formlessness, we as Consciousness will get to view a collage of Life's moments of grace - moments of pure love, joy, triumph, insight, inspiration, passion, courage, tenacity, wonder and beauty that occurred in time and form. 

But would those moments of grace really mean anything at all without the backdrop and context of pain, sorrow, suffering, difficulty, challenge, adversity, hardship, fear, ugliness and even hate?  What would a movie or book be worth if it were about nothing but living happily and perfectly in non- stop peace and harmony?  What would the story of Life and it's awakening to Itself be if it were just non stop light with no dark?  

As human beings, we love to create, watch, read, tell and be inspired by stories.  We love stories and epics and dramas with hardship and struggle and the victory over it and we love fairy tales with heroes and villains.  Maybe this part of us is inspired by our Divine Essence.  Maybe Consciousness loves stories as much as we do.  Maybe, at the end of time and form, Consciousness, of whom We are all merely temporary expressions, will watch a reel of Life's highlights and be inspired and moved beyond anything that can possibly be described. What a work of Art that would be. How epic. How sublimely beautiful. Joyful. Sad. Poignant. Profound. Inspiring.  

Footprints

Kruger 2012

Footprints

Through the loving ways that people connect;

laughter between friends, a couple holding hands,

the generosity of a stranger, the smile of a child.

Through the gift of knowing I am enough, no matter what.

Through my highest thoughts, my truest words, my kindest deeds.

Through the wonders of sunsets and mountains, ocean waves, dolphins and daffodils.

Through the uplifting beauty of music, art and poetry.

Through the infiniteness of time and space and the intricacies of atoms and less.

Through the mighty power of silence and the peace that stillness brings.

Through these things,

I see the footprints of a benevolent Mystery unfolding

and I look out into the vast night sky

and I smile at the stars and the moon

content in the knowledge

that the universe smiles back.

Written: 2004

Uyuni Salt Pans, Bolivia, 2006

Northern Beaches, Sydney, 2008