I resonated… with her pain. With her being driven to create through the pain. Also the amazing “art” that her life story creates. No less beautiful and precious because of its sadness. The director created a beautiful piece of art out of her life. So you could with all our lives. Perhaps that’s what consciousness is all about. An artist creating art out of life stories.
Maybe when we die, we will get to watch a highlights reel of our life: our moments of grace and transcendence. What art! A cinematic masterpiece. Comedy. Tragedy. Triumph. Drama. Beautiful. Ugly. Light and dark. Brush strokes. Off screen, there is nothing but love. All well.
Each of us is a brushstroke in a vastly epic masterpiece created by Consciousness. Life is Consciousness’s epic masterpiece of art, each of us a brushstroke.
The way the press created a caricature of Amy. Merciless. Mocking her. Making fun of her tragedy. Using it to sell newspapers. Making the shallower songs into the wildly popular ones and making her sing them when she no longer resonated with them.
I have a huge ocean of pain. Vast. So did she. She called it “The Black.” The source of her creative genius and her depth. “My life and I are falling apart but these lyrics are still flowing through me."
The way she used her pain to create. Only thing that made her feel better. She used her most painful experiences as a catalyst to sublime songs (e.g. Fade to Black.)
I felt like an outsider looking in. Then I realised her life was not her experience - it’s Our experience. She experienced what she did for us.
The devastation of her deeply needy love affair with Blake. How they dragged each other down, so mutually destructive. Him using her to keep drugs coming. Trying to use each other to fill the hole using form. You cannot fill the hole inside you with any form. Only by going within and being that hole, filling it with Consciousness.
She was totally authentic emotionally. Herself. Open. No airs or graces. Humility. Never thought of herself as famous.
The huge effect of dad leaving, spent rest of life craving for strong, protective male character. Her inherited script.
Blake, who played the villain. She loved him so much. He treated her so badly at times. Dad also villain.
When she won the Grammy. Told friends: "It’s boring without drugs."
Tony Bennett said "It's different every time with you when you sing, each song sung feels unique." She so felt her songs. Sang with such emotional intensity. Her way of pure feeling.
Having to sing old stuff when no longer relevant. Trot out stuff that had become meaningless
The shackles of success. The opposite of freedom. Enslavement. Obligations. Vested interest. Others on your gravy train., pressurising you to fill obligations that they can get rich on.
Clarity just weeks before she died. Sorry to friends. Time at wedding.
Refusing to sing in front of thousands. I saw it as a kind of triumph. Fuck you to expectations of others. Didn't want to sing old stuff. They saw it as letting down her friends in the music industry. No!!
I don't want to be famous. Just create peacefully. No pressure or expectations. Quietly contribute to raising in Consciousness. Be a space. Relish in my connection with Consciousness. Enough abundance to do this and be fully alive.
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