Ella's 13th birthday

Ella decided to do The Manly Scenic walk for her birthday party.  What an amazing idea is that!  I helped Brendan chaperone 20 thirteen year olds. A bit like herding cats. There was much laughter and fun.  

In Manly, we met up with Eva and Jodie and we all filled ourselves with delicious pizza.  All in all, a wonderful day and as the day progressed, I realised I was the "official photographer" so got more and more into that.

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To Eva

Well, it's official.  You gave birth to pure Sunshine.  Not just once.  But twice!!

It was so special being part of Ella's 13th birthday.  Hopefully these photos will allow you all to relive it a bit.  Best idea for a party of I've ever come across !!

From Eva

They are sunshine!

The photos are just fabulous!

Thanks Graeme 

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Mack with Chris at meditation

Amazing meal with Srini

Manly Scenic Walk with The Hiking Gang

Chilling at Sue

It' so precious to have a friend with who I feel so deeply comfortable that in mid conversation I can say I feel sleepy and need a quick cat nap.  I'm totally amazed at the power of a 10 minute cat naps.   I'm incorporating them more and more into my life.

Spiritual Connection (2015)

Total:  7.3

Email sent after a week in hospital

Hello beautiful family and friends

I want to express my deepest gratitude for all your amazing support during the last two weeks: all your well wishes, phone calls and visits, prayers and positive vibes, words of encouragement. To Matt for ensuring I came home to such an immaculate room. For listening to my strange ramblings before I went in; especially Liza, Matt & Sharmista, Shushann, Nic and Srini!

In a nutshell, for all the love and caring you all showed in so many ways. It was yet another beautiful reminder to me of how absolutely priceless friendship and human connection is.  I appreciate your love and care and support  more than I can express.

I want to express a particularly deep public thank you to Craig.  Oh my goodness, where do I start, Craig?  I can't tell you how extraordinary your support was.  You were literally my rock during this often uncertain and scary experience.  Thank you for looking out for me when I was showing warning signs, for getting in touch with the hospital, for all your immense wisdom, for the perspective you gave me, the advice you brought, for your numerous visits, for bringing all my stuff to me, for the nuts and priceless letters from home, for taking me out on walks.  And for your constant peace and calmness which was like a soothing balm.

But most of all, thank you for keeping everyone in the loop the way you did. For reassuring my mum and sister who felt so helpless and far away.  For hunting down hard to get info from the doctors and sharing that, for all your emails and all the calls you made.  You were a priceless gift to my family especially.  Without you, they would have been absolutely frantic with worry.

As you all know, I'm home now.  Apart from the worry it's caused all of you, I'm grateful for the experience.  It's given me some priceless insights into a condition I've had since I was a child. It's brought home powerfully the importance of looking after myself: living life slowly, getting lots of sleep, nourishing food, exercise, walks, connection.  It's given me a renewed appreciation of the immense freedom I enjoy in my life and all the little things that I realise aren't little.  It's given me the incentive to do some therapy to sort out some fears I woke up to. Allowed me to get off medication I've been wanting to get off for ages. And brought home the realisation I don't need to feel shame or pretend to be "well" if I'm experiencing emotional difficulties from time to time.  That is such a relief, such a freedom.

I look forward to catching up with all of you. And embracing and sharing the adventure of life that I feel so privileged to share with all of you.  

Sending you love

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What a beautiful letter which I am sure will mean as much to your friends as it does to me.  I hope you will re read it many times when things get tough and remind yourself of the amazing support you have in Australia and you will ask for help immediately if you ever need it in the future.  I know the next few weeks are going to be very difficult as your body continues to recover and your brain adjusts to being without some of the medication it has become so reliant on.  We love you so much and hate that you have had to go through this experience but hope that the long term result will make it all worthwhile.

Remember we are here for you any time of the day or night.  Be gentle on yourself, take any support that is offered and take it one day at a time.


All my love, Mum

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Wow G!  That is truly an amazing letter you wrote.  I think your friends will be blown away by the sincerity and raw emotion of it.

Will chat soon

Jo  xxxxx

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Thanks Graeme - you are very welcome - & you are well loved.

And "in a nutshell" is apposite, coz that's where you were! -  and what a speedy escape - well done - & may it continue, as the L'Oreal girls say, "because you're  worth it".

Cheers mate

Craig

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Blessings dear Graeme

I’m sorry I wont be there tonight to give you a hug. See you next week. I was thinking of buying Craig a big bag of cashews for all his care. I know how much he loves them.


Shushann xx

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My dearest Graeme,

I was so surprised to receive that long explanatory email from you, that you were actually in hospital and needing help.

I did wonder why I had heard nothing from you in two weeks, but I prayed for you nevertheless. I'm still in the dark but the main thing is that you're better now. I'm so grateful to all your friends who've supported you and been there for you in your time of need. Just goes to show what wonderful friends you have, and how you receive in return all you give out. 

Please take extremely good care of yourself in every aspect of your life and know that there's nothing more important than you!

With much love and a myriad of blessings,

Heather xxx

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Thanks so much, Heather.  All is well and the experience was actually a priceless one, one I wouldn't change for anything, except the worry it caused my family and friends.

Basically, I went off on an extraordinary spiritual high - due at least in part, I'm pretty sure, to the stimulent medication I've been taking for several years that masks lower energies in my psyche.   I was in such a state of peace and complete fearlessness that I stopped taking the medication altogether.  I continued to feel peaceful and joyful for several days with extraordinary revelations and experiences and love beyond anything I can describe.

But sometimes what goes up, comes down abruptly - especially when the brain suddenly isn't getting the chemical it has become reliant on. 

So I plummeted into a sudden world of illusion and in that state, literally stared face to face at my Ultimate Nightmares.  I lived for about 12 hours of intense suffering and intense fear before I realised that it was just a psychotic episode and I was in the North Sydney High Dependency Ward (Maximum Lock Up!)

I stayed there for about a week, meeting beautiful people and coming off the medication I'm been wanting to come off for years.  Now I'm home and feeling fantastic.  

Hope all is going well.  

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Matt doing trampoline

What a cute couple :)

Nice photo.  Taken at a picnic.

Onset of mania

Hi Heather

That's great that you got that downloaded and working. Simplest thing in the world to add pages.  I think they may already be at the foot of the page.

Funny about the energy. For days I've been hugely fatigued with no energy at all, almost certain that would be the case for goodness knows how long while I come off the strong stimulent I've been on for several years.

Today I've taken very little and should feel even tireder than usual.  But I suddenly feel more alive than I have in my whole life.  I have thoughts flowing through me that to the mind seem extraordinarily profound. None of them repetitive, all from the deepest place.  I've spent the day in reverie allowing the ideas to flow, enjoying them, not pre-occupied as I usually am with capturing, but capturing a lot when it feels peaceful to. It feels like the most extraordinarily creative experience of my whole life.

I don't know where it's going or whether ideas will ever see light of day, and don't even feel to attached to that right now.  Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow?  Whether energy will still be here (the body, to all accounts needs plenty of rest having been neglected for a long time.  My state doesn't feel manic in the slightest (had lots of experience of that in past 3 years.)

Who knows where it's going?  I have a strong sense the mind has no control over any of it. Ever. At any time.  Just enjoy the ride and experience of it and don't try to control it.

Not that the mind has any control over whether it can let go of control?  Am I sounding insane?  Surely insanity can't feel this good?  If so, I choose it!  Not even going to edit this.  How totally unlike me :)

Graeme

Email for Chrisel to do her cooking demonstration

Special friends

It's such a gift to have a little group of people in my life with who I can relax into myself, who accept me as I am.  People who provide me with the space and freedom to be me.  It's so special to be able to offer that same beautiful, calm, loving space to Chrisel tomorrow.

Chrisel has been such an inspiration to me. Despite some immense challenges in her life, she embraces life with love and courage and a sense of excitement.  She feels such a strong longing to do something worthwhile with her life, something that taps into what she loves, something that will fulfil herself and inspire others.

That was the catalyst last year to giving up her job as a pharmacist and having a year in South Africa  to explore what that might be.  She did a wildlife guiding course and a yoga teaching course.

She also immersed herself in experimenting with cooking and healthy alternative recipes.  It is in this field that she now feels her strongest calling may lie and she plans to do a nutrition course. In the meantime, she's discovered a cooking tool that makes it really easy to create healthy meals and has become really passionate about, in beautiful Chrisel style, and is experimenting with the idea of using this for now as a "door opener" to share her passion with others for healthy food.

This is all very new for her.  She's doing her first ever session with a small group today.  Tomorrow she'll do it with us.  Just to see how it feels and if this is something to maybe pursue.

She can sometimes feel a little nervous and self conscious in front of others with something new like this, so it's wonderful to be able to offer her with such a calm presence of beings to put her at ease and allow her to explore.  Thank you.

Graeme

Synchronicity: Here Now

I was driving home after a weekend away. As I drove, the mind became active and I got lost in rumination.  Suddenly the insight arose, "Be Here Now"  I immediately became present and a beautiful sense of peace came over me.  At that exact moment, I looked up and saw an enormous billboard on a building.  Emblazened on it were the words "Here Now".  The full set of worlds was "Here Now: the  new Samsung Galaxy" but the words "Here Now" were in bold and caught my attention.  A beautiful sense of wonder arose in me at the extraordinary synchronicity. It felt like the divine was winking at me.

Letter to Carpet Court

Hi Hai

I was away last week, hence the late reply.

I am afraid I’m not satisfied with $1300. I said it was essential to me it was a fair amount. Here are the reasons why this is not the case.

Reason 1: Confirmation that installation was badly done

I’ve had two professional floor installers come through to quote on completing the job recently as I'm too busy to do it myself right now. Both were shocked by the poor quality of the installation and encouraged me to take action with Fair Trade etc.

List of issues that they highlighted:

- In several places, one can feel a significant dip under the planks and an analysis below the planks shows unevenness much greater than there should be. No analysis of floor level was done at all. I don’t think the installer even had a spirit level with him.
- No 3 mm expansion gap left in many places places - photos taken straight after installation with date metadata embedded in file.
- Boards with bits missing at the corners but installed anyway.
- No thought given to placing planks to reduce repeat patterns - especially important with this particular product where there are ONLY 4 repeats.  The product installation instructions clearly say you should have several boxes open at a time to plan this. This was not done. The mark on every 4th plank I hated may not even have been an issue if this had been done and they weren’t all been placed next to each other in crucial places like the corridor.
- Really crude cuts of the planks along the door jams. It would have been so much better to cut under the door jams with a multi-tool. It’s so easy to do and the saw costs less than $100.

- And especially, no advice given to remove skirting boards and install them on top of the vinyl. My skirting boards are nailed on and extremely easy to remove. Just about every single company I’ve spoken to in my research since including other Carpet Court franchises since warns against trim on this product - looks extremely cheap and there’s no need at all to use it.  Why the scotia?  Surely not for the margins?

Reason 2:  No way did I receive 36 boxes

When I asked Alex how many boxes were delivered a few days after installation, he looked carefully into the system and said 35. I was surprised because David left all the empty boxes and I carefully counted 13 which made 33 in total.

I recently meticulously measured and documented the vinyl boards installed and it came to just over 23.5 square metres.  Even with 5% waste, that’s no more than 14 boxes laid. As you know, there were 20 boxes left over.

I believe 33 boxes or 34 was delivered at most. But I’m willing to concede what Alex said the day I came in: 35.  Absolutely no way 36 boxes.

What I am prepared to accept as a fair credit offer

I believe its fair to pay for what I was actually delivered:

35 boxes of vinyl planks at $ 65 per square metre = $ 4186
Very much in your favour as most companies, including other Carpet Court franchises charge $ 50 per square metre for Omega.

Installation of 15 boxes at $ 35 per metre = $ 966
Hugely in your favour given the poor installation, the fact you charged me $35 per square metre when most companies charge $25 or less. This is the easiest vinyl product to install - anyone could do it. Also the vinyl installed was not completed - no scotia applied or filling done to hide the ugly gaps at door jams etc. David was only on site for 7 hours, arriving only at 11 am.

So:
$7100 (total paid)
- less $4186 (35 boxes)
- less $ 966 (installation of 15 boxes)

= Credit of $ 1948

It makes my blood boil to pay for Scotia I shouldn’t have been sold in the first place.  But if you actually provide it to me, I’m prepared to pay for it at wholesale rate (NOT the $ 5 per square metre retail amount) and you can subtract this from the amount above. Maybe I can use it for something, but certainly not on the floors.

If not, then I want the full credit of $ 1948 above. Be assured I have measured my walls and know how much the length should realistically be.

A warning to take this email seriously

After weeks of struggling to accept and get perspective on all this and always having to wait ages for a response plus the confirmation from professionals of what I suspected: that the installation was very poorly done, I’m feeling increasingly irritated.

I’m usually an extremely accepting and accommodating person as you’ve seen.  But I have a dark side to my personality that comes out very occasionally and it can be rampant and devastating when it does.  And if it does, Fair Trade is the least of your concerns. It wants nothing more than to use my 20 years expertise as an Internet marketing specialist to spread the strongest possible disapproval of this job with eloquent words and photos on every single Australian site remotely related to floors as well as all related blogs, discussion forum, search engines, social media and online magazines (through my  journalist contacts) to create so much negative publicity that it will make your head spin.  And none of it will be an exaggeration or lie.

For the sake of our mutual peace, please help me prevent this from happening.  Simply respond without a big delay, offer me fair credit for this unfinished job and fair market rates for the products I decide to buy (plus take my feedback onboard re the installation for future clients) and I will let things be and continue to be friendly and accommodating.

Regards,
Graeme

Stunning Sam

Event highlights (2015)

Create

• Compass makeover
• Wisdom Trove (on Evernote)
• Home Rennovations
• The Ultimate Experience

Home renovations

• Start June when get back from South Africa

Travels

• Tasmania (Cradle Mountain, Lake St Claire, Mount Field, Freycinet)
• South Africa (Garden Route, Addo, Jeff Bay, Cinstha, Port St Johns. Hogback, Drakensberg, Joberg, Utopia)
• Cape Town with Chrisel (Kirtenbosch, Cape Point, Hermanus, Lion's Head, Table Mountain, Franschhoek)

Weekend away

• Mount Kuz
• Kayaking Shoalhaven Gorge

Hikes

• Cradle Mountain
• The Tarn
• Cathedral Rock
• Tsitisikama
• Tugela Falls
• Sani Pass
• Manly Dam & Scenic Walk
• Loura
• RNP Lake

Social

• New Years fireworks with Jilly
• North Sydney pool swim with Elna
• Jilly's 80th birthday party
• Jilly's music concert
• Eat out with Serena
• Close sharing with Srini
• Mndful dinners with Srini
• Meal with Chris, Craig and Peter
• Meals with Chris
• Botanica with Yogi

Hospital

• Hospital (x2)

Wisdom Trove

• Awakening experiences, mania
• Start of Life is God’s experience and Life is God's movie (The ultimate experience & God as space)
• Wisdom Trove to Evernote
• Mac computer
• Life dashboard (Compass)

Synchronicity & Serendipity (2015)

Love

• Healing for Michael and Yogi.
• Eckhart's eyes
• Youtube of Tim Freke music → The Mystery Experience

Mania

• Repent re lock and it appears.
• At hospital, bless the absent receptionist and she appears.
• Biocentrism
• Integration of Opposites (Nietsche)
• Yogi gets me into hospital with locked windows and plastic cutlery.
• Angel in hell: "You have beautiful eyes"

Music

• John Lennon songs.  Oh My Love.  
• Mooji.  From random jumps.
• Awakening to "What a Wonderful Work" which jumped

Spiritual Moments (2015)

Spiritual Moments

• Mindful DIY, cooking, photography
• Isira session "Consciousness wants to be ordinary."
• Experiencing Inspiration beyond the mind (photos, solving problems, inspired ideas)
• Deep, deep, deep love after Ally. 
• Joy in emergency & at spiral in ward. Nothing to be feared. 
• Wonder looking at mist from river in camp site.
• Healing for Michael and Yogi.
• Chills to music & more
• Eckhart's eyes

Lead up

• Create through this form (DIY)
• Miracles
• No lies. No boasting. Nothing in support of identity.
• No mirror. Loss of identity.
• Looking into pupil of eye.
• Mindful photography (Kalk Bay, Harbour Bridge, Manly dam, Ella's birthdy)
• Massive cry, massive Love - then write. "Consciousness through this form."
• Consciousness speaks (Sunrise vision. Here Now.)
• Emotional catharsis and insight after movie: Amy
• Self realisation under swirling clouds on balcony to What a Wonderful World. (jumps)    "Sensory portal"
• Love. "Oh God."
• Use this form - a DEEP hunger. Anything it takes. (floors)
• Eyes (animals too). Birds, flies twirling
• Love from my eyes at Kmart (not 1st time)
• Balcony - feel vertigo
• No boasting (Chris, floors) or lies.

Spiritual Mania

• John Lennon songs.  Oh My Love.  Mooji.  From random jumps.
• No fear or shame.
• Run out of petrol twice. Get to Chris's speech.
• Mania: "Enlightened" oneness.  All an experience of Consciousness. Movie experience, sit back and enjoy the show.
• The moment as a field, the past existing just as context
• No need for dex.
• Hospital visit with Jilly, feeling love and healing, lie under sky
• Balcony looking to sky, sensing eternity
• Matt in computer game. Love Space.
• Ullman believes that certain aspects of holographic thinking are even more pronounced in manic-depressives. Whereas the schizophrenic only gets whiffs of the holographic order, the manic is deeply involved in it and grandiosely identifies with its infinite potential. "He can't keep up with all the thoughts and ideas that come at him in so overwhelming a way," states Ullman. Michael Talbot

Photography

• Bridge Meet Up photography. Crying at beauty and creativity.
• Mindful editing of photos.

Mystical experience: Waking up to life as God's movie

One morning in 2015, I woke up in a state of the most profound peace. I could see my entire life to that point stretched behind me and the utter perfection of its unfolding. I could see that my life was a kind of movie choreographed by a genius movie director. The movie of my life to that point and going forwards was already in the can and there was nothing I needed to do to influence it.  For the next week, I existed in a kind of blissful, enlightened state, sitting back on the sofa of awareness, watching events unfold.  Actions, choices, thoughts, perceptions all choreographed and arising perfectly. I was in a state of constant awe and wonder and a state of curiosity too as to what would arise next.  After a week, my enlightened state slipped away and I got lost, once again, in my sense of being a conscious agent living my life. But the sense that life is a kind of movie still remains.

What impact has this had on me?  Some fear that waking up to the “non-reality” of the world will make them lose interest in life.  In my experience, the opposite has been true.  Even if the physical world is not real, the experience of it is indisputably real.  In fact, the experience of it feels far more vivid and intense for me now.  I have awoken to the fact that life is a wondrous, mysterious, joyous experience to be embraced.  It still has its ups and downs and challenges, for that is exactly how life on this planet has been designed to be.  But I no longer take it all so seriously. I have realised that Graeme is no more than a kind of movie character that God I Am is experiencing the world through.  And all I need to do is sit back in the seat of awareness and enjoy the passing show.  I find myself playing more and laughing more and loving more and creating more, because knowing who I truly am somehow opens the gate to amazing spiritual creativity and power.  Also, I am no longer afraid of death. Death is but the end of the movie. It is waking up from the dream to become more truly yourself.

I have also been able to embrace my humanness and my limitations, and this has been immensely healing.  I am now able to love every part of being this character called "Graeme" especially his foibles and imperfections.  I no longer think of myself as a human being trying to become perfect like God.  I am God wanting to have a human experience.  And this character; this temporary form, including its body and its mind, is perfect in every way for the experience to be exactly as it is meant to be.  All is well, and all is as it is meant to be.

Most wonderful of all has been the blissful recognition that God is not just experiencing being “me”.  God is experiencing being everyone. God is experiencing being my loved ones and Mack, my dog. God is experiencing being everyone I meet and have ever met. And God is experiencing being every ant and every plant.  Everyone and everything is God.  God is experiencing nothing but God.  It is all God.  And I Am That.  With this realisation comes a love and a joy so deep and explosive, it is beyond description.

Grinding concrete

"Anything Goes" at The Opera House

Beautiful birthday presents from Sue: a book and a show.

I met Sue at her house where she gave me an unexpected birthday present.  It was a a copy of Wild Life by Brad Wilson, a book of animal portraits that I was so entranced with at the bookstore that I was in tears. Sue was with me at the time.  Being the amazing friend she is, she went back and got it for me.  I was touched beyond words by her gift.  It's now my most prized book.

We then went together to Circular Quay on the ferry and had a nice meal overlooking The Harbour Bridge.

Then to The Show which was great fun with lots of fantastic songs.  We had great seats, overlooking The Stage.  Cole Porter sure was a musical genius.

Such  great evening I will always remember, a big thanks to Sue.

Wild Life by Brad Wlison

Just some of the wonderful photos.  Eyes are the windows to the soul.  Animals have souls just as rich and important as our own.  If there is a spiritual reason why we exist, then it encompasses animals just as much as us.

Matt, the pancake King

Letter to Chrisel on her return to Sydney

Howdi intrepid traveller

Welcome back to Jbg.  I loved the photos you sent through.  The lion cubs were gorgeous and seeing Mount Kilimanjaro like that just made me want to climb it.  So majestic.  I can't wait to see the rest of your photos.

Can't believe your year is coming to an end.  Enjoy your remaining time with your wonderful family.  Sydney is waiting for you with open arms.  Hopefully it will have warmed up a bit by then. It's been the coldest its been in well over a decade!! So cold that Mack regularly refuses to go for walks. Pulls back against the lead and returns up the stairs with his nose in the air. I can't hold it against him though.  He makes a very handy hot water bottle!

Otherwise, everything is great this side. I went to my first photographic meet up today and LOVED it. I nearly didn't go as the outing was a simple walk across the Harbour Bridge and then along the Cahill Expressway, doing street photography, but so glad I did.  So inspiring to be with so many kindred spirits sharing the same passion.  And amazing how much beauty there is in the city when you pay attention, especially in the little details.  I really felt it.

Talking of photos, I've added all the photos from our South Africa trip to the blog now.  Lots of your masterpieces there too as you'll see.  I did it very gradually and it was lovely to go back through it all and relive so many amazing experiences.  To check it out, goto  http://graemex.blogspot.com/search/label/Chrisèl   When you get to the bottom of the page, click "older posts."

I saw such an inspiring 4 minute video the other day that instantly made me think of you.  It could so easily have been about you and your adventurous year in SA.  Check it out if you get a moment, you'll absolutely love it.  https://vimeo.com/channels/staffpicks/120206922

I saw the movie Amy last night about Amy Winehouse. I don't think I've ever been so emotionally effected by a movie in my life. Such a brilliant documentary, a work of art in itself. I didn't really know much of her music before - what an extraordinary artist she was. If you don't watch it at the cinema, I can download it for you when its available.

Off to bed to rug up with my hot water bottle :)

Chow,
G