Photos for Mandy

At the end of my camping weekend in Kangaroo Valley, I took some photos for Mandy, Jilly's daughter, who lives in Kangaroo Valley.  The photos are of her house in case she wants to rent it out.  I also took lots of photos of Jessie, Mandy's adorable new puppy. Jilly and I then drove home together and had a lovely chat on the way.

Weekend at Kangaroo Valley

I always enjoy Kangaroo Valley with its relaxed vibe and this weekend was no different.

Some highlights

• Driving up with lovely Jilly who I dropped off with her daughter, Mandy.
• One girl made fun of us because we were taking so long to pitch our tents. She had a special tent that she threw onto the ground and it instantly erected. Great for her. Except packing it up wasn't so easy!  Took 5 people an hour to work it out when it was time to leave!!
• Mandy taking pity on me with my tuna and giving me some of her salmon for dinner on the first night.
• A steep walk in The Morton National Park with Andrew while everyone else went kayaking.
• The extreme heat on the Saturday. We opted to escape the sun by going to the pub where I tucked into another delicious salmon steak.
• A relaxed and much cooler walk around the town in the evening.
• A short walk on Sunday with amazing cliffs and vistas over the valley.
• Taking some photos for Mandy of her house and adorable new puppy, Jessie. 
• A lovely deep chat with Jilly on the way home.

 

     

Beautiful Jessie

Jilly's daughter's new puppy is too gorgeous for words.  She has a lovely nature too.

 

Matt's 11 th birthday party

Thanks for the lovely photos, Jo.

Sue and Alex's gorgeous little one, Amilie

How cute is she!!  And she just about never cries. The perfect baby. If Sue and Alex could distil the magic formula, they'd be billionaires.

Challenges (2014)

Relationships and lack of

• Obsession re Chrisel (should I make move or not?)
• Feeling unattractive, bald, greying, ageing.
• Rejections (Mandy, Chrisel)
• S thoughts

Dani

• Dani (especially email re new relationship)
• "Oversharing" in my letter to Dani

More

• Matt, housemate - super self conscious, being judged
• Sick and zyprexa withdrawal (by mistake)
• Leaking ceiling - copper pipes ?

Manly Scenic Walk

I can't believe I've been here 7 years and never done this walk before!  So beautiful. And the refreshing swim once we arrived in Manly was a wonderful reward.

Louise Kramer, my therapist in Sydney

Sessions with Louise

• I heard about Louise through Nerium through Louise's relayed wisdom: "You do the best you can with where you're at." The best you can at the level of consciousness you're at.
• Introduced me to Don Miguel Ruiz. Don't take things personally. A person perceives you through their story.  Don Miguel happened to be doing a presentation in Sydney which I went to.
• Introduced me to Byron Katie and The Work.  Inspired my "enquiry" and "assurance."  Helped me get over Dani and hellish thoughts. Also transcend judgements of others.
• First person I spoke to about Wisdom Trove. Gave her access. She gave me a lot of encouragement, especially about approval seeking.

Insights

• Byron Katie's The Work: "Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true? How do I react when I believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?  Who would I be without the thought? With judgements, come up with turnarounds expressing the opposite of what I believe. Are they not equally valid."
• I am not responsible for my thoughts. I am not the thinker of them. They simply appear to me.
• Effortful thinking achieves very little.  Worrying even less. 
• Insights arise not through thinking, but when the mind is still. 
• Take nothing personally. What you think of me is nothing personal. It has little to do with me.  It's part of your story. 
• It's none of my business what you think of me. 
• Dani would have loved me even more if I'd opened up, stopped pretending to be perfect. 
• The ability to be open and vulnerable opens up love. 
• Don Miguel's 4 Agreements: "Be Impeccable With Your Word. Don't Take Anything Personally. Don't Make Assumptions. Always Do Your Best but know your best will differ according to your state of being at any one time."
• Use your word in the direction of truth and love. 
• Do I have control over this? If not, accept and let go.

Approval seeking (something I wrote, inspired by our sessions)


My need to be approved by others is my own need to be approved by myself. To seek approval is to assume I'm not whole.

In seeking approval, I pay a heavy price ...

• I waste energy and time, the precious stuff that life is made of.
• I'm driven to try to manipulate you and your mind.
• I stop sharing all of myself.
• I sacrifice my uniqueness in an attempt to fit in.
• I pretend to be who I am not. Then when you say "I love you," I can't believe it, because I know you're loving someone that doesn't exist.
• I put my happiness in another's keeping, making myself their hostage, and I become easy to own, control and manipulate.
• I make everyone my judge, opening up the fear of rejection.

Approval seeking is bound to lead to failure and pain ...

• It's impossible to control what others think.
• It's impossible to please everyone. In fact trying to do so is the surest way to fail.
• Even the warmest and most sincere approval can be taken away at any time for any reason.

External approval is actually worth very little ...

• When someone says they approve of me, I can never know for sure if it's sincere or even true.
• The approval of another is just their projection; part of their story. When someone approves of me, they're approving of their story of me; not me myself.
• Approval can be taken away at the snap of a finger.

Letting go of the need for approval brings wonderful rewards ...

• I am able to be me. That's true freedom.
• My eyes are opened to my natural wealth and I start gaining my own approval and respect.
• I become a student. I'm totally open.
• I become tranquil and peaceful.
• Paradoxically, the less I care about seeking approval, the more I tend to get.

I free myself of the need to seek approval from others ...

• Life is too short to waste time waiting for other people to approve of me and how I live my life.
• I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy.  And to be a loving space for consciousness to flow through me.  If others approve of me, that's wonderful. And if they don't approve of me, that's good too. It doesn't effect my life or happiness.
• The only person I want approval from is me. Instead of seeking love and acceptance from others, I work on loving and accepting myself.
• I don't want people's approval. I want people to  think the way they think. That's love. I focus far more on recognising the treasure in others than on trying to get them to recognise the merits in me.
• I realise deeply that the source of what I seek externally is in me already. I am perfect and complete with everything I need right here, right now to be happy. My happiness depends on nothing external, including the approval of others.