Hi there dear Graeme
Here is the article that I’m planning to post out on Tuesday. Please let me know if there is anything that feels uncomfortable for you.
Looking forward to walking and catching up
Love Shushann
He Offered To Do The Dishes..
I’ve been fortunate enough to have had some good hearted, kind, caring men in my life who have supported me in various ways through their acts of service. These include my accountant, my mechanic, various handymen and a couple of male friends. One particular male friend I would describe as a soul brother. I have really appreciated his capacity for presence, insightful conversation, playful humour as well as thoughtful affirmation and encouragement when I’ve needed it.
But I would describe his male superpower as his acts of service. These are caring things he has done for me that have made my life easier. This soul brother has been a wonderful model of the high masculine for myself as well as other female friends that have loved and appreciated his company and friendship.
Giving and Receiving
My soul brother's presence and modelling has created a valuable template for me in my own healing journey around men. His masculine quality of Giving has taught me step into my feminine quality of Receiving. To do so I've had to learn to trust and open my heart and allow myself to feel my own vulnerability and need. We can spend a lot of our life pretending we don’t need others or anything. This can often lead to isolation and exhaustion. There is an art in receiving things graciously. Allowing the gift of being given-to, to land in our hearts with that feeling of acceptance and worthiness and without feeling we must give something back. There is something special about the acceptance of being given to that is also an affirmation, a gift to the giver.
There is a certain honour in my soulful brother’s actions that feels old fashioned in the sense that they carry with them a sense of safety, protectiveness and genuine care without any obligation. Women’s instinctive desire to feel protected by a man hasn’t gone away. It’s a hard-wired instinct and it is difficult to ignore for even the most independent, strong women amongst us.
Safety in Relationships
Safety is one of the key elements that women seek in their relationship with men. Perhaps this is part of our tuning into a collective consciousness where almost 1 in 5 women (18%) and 1 in 20 men (4.7%) have experienced sexual violence (sexual assault and/or threats) since the age of 15. And globally, one out of three women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
The trust and safety that has been built in my relationship with this particular male friend has been built on a foundation of small but consistent acts of kindness, care and service over the time of our friendship. These are qualities that I endeavour to cultivate in myself in my relationships. The consistency is key in building trust. Walking our talk when we stand for integrity.
I'll Do The Dishes...
I remember last Christmas I had a lovely gathering of friends over for a shared lunch. Just at a point after lunch where I felt I was flagging, my soul brother got up from the table and quietly said “I’ll do the dishes” in that matter of fact way. I felt a momentary impulse to say I'd do them later, but chose instead to simply graciously accept. As he started moving back and forth from the table to the kitchen I could feel myself relaxing. I felt an incredible wellness wash over me, that I didn’t have to ask or to carry on doing things on my own. There was help and mostly that it was given without having to ask. That felt such a blessing.
What has been liberating for me in having this soul brother is to engage in our friendship and emotional intimacy without the complication of sex. We haven't tried to label it or change it, but to simply appreciate what is there without any expectation of something more or less. Many of us know what it is like to jump too quickly into a sexual relationship that carries no intimacy.
Are you waiting for the evolved partner?
I know many of us as women can get caught up in our complaints about the many shortcomings of men around us. We are waiting for that evolved male partner or even friend to turn up. But what if we simply started to explore this as our own soul journey of integration rather than waiting. What qualities of the high masculine are you curious about in your life? Would like more of in your life? Are there men around you who are role models for you around this? And how do these qualities live in you? Or not?
Love and blessings
Shushann
