Memorable moments: The profane pharaoh

At school, it was boys only—so naturally, boys had to play the female roles. For reasons no one ever fully explained, I became the go-to woman.

I played everything from anxious mothers to dramatic widows, but the peak was an elderly spinster on a plane who foils a hijacking attempt. I studied my gran for days—her posture, her voice, the way she pursed her lips at mild disapproval. It worked. I won the annual acting award.

But by my final year, I’d had enough.

“Bugger this,” I thought. “I want a masculine role.”

We were doing Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat, and I went straight for Pharaoh—the Elvis-style showstopper. Pelvic thrusts. Swagger. Power. Redemption.

Opening night: I cycled onto stage in padded cycling shorts (for reasons that made sense at the time), grabbed the microphone, and launched into full Elvis mode. The thrusts were… enhanced. The crowd loved it. Slight complication: my gran was in the second row, witnessing the entire evolution of her observational study in reverse.

But it was a triumph. Overnight, I went from deeply uncool to oddly legendary among the younger boys.

Then came the final night.

I cycled on. Big entrance. Huge energy. Grabbed the wired microphone… and nothing.

Silence.

Without thinking, I whispered loudly, “Switch on the effing microphone!”

At which exact moment… it switched on.

My voice boomed through the entire hall.

There was a stunned pause.

Then the biggest laugh of the entire show.

I set out to prove I was a man's man; I ended up proving that if you’re going to swear in front of your grandmother, you might as well do it in padded bike shorts with a backing band.

Pure nostalgia: Acting in school plays at St Georges

One of my greatest joys in high school was acting.  Like my grandfather, I really liked to act on stage and I took part in several school plays.  Here are the ones I remember best.

Oliver!  (Aged 8)

I played the part of the one of the orphans in Oliver and various other roles I cannot remember. I loved the music, especially the song "Food, Glorious Food!"

A movie poster from the movie version of the musical "Oliver!"

Playing Huckleberry Finn in "Tom Sawyer" (Aged 12)

I played the part of Huckleberry Finn in the school stage production of Tom Sawyer. This was a major school production and it was many, many hours of work but I enjoyed every minute of it.  My most vivid memory was having to smoke a pipe on stage in one of the scenes.  I used my Gramp's pipe and he taught me how to smoke it!  Those were obviously the days when smoking had not yet been vilified.

Playing an elderly spinster in "Hijack" (Aged 15)

Because our school was male only, I did have to play a few female roles and I reluctantly admit I was pretty good at it.  My highlight in this regard was playing the part of an elderly, prim and proper spinster on a plane who foils a hijack attempt.  I studied my grandmother's mannerisms for hours to get inspiration and I really gave it my all.  I was really chuffed when I won an acting award for the role.

Playing Spokesperson A in "Us and Them" (Aged 16)

This was a play with a profound message and though I was worried it wasn't going to be good (so much so I asked mum and dad not to come), it turned out to be a triumph. It was directed by Graeme Allen, a student from the year above us (the son of my Sub-B teacher), and he did a great job.

Playing Pharaoh in "Joseph and his Technicolour Dream Coat"  (Aged 17)

I decided to leap out of my stereotype as a female "actress" with avengeance  in my final year.  I applied for the role of Pharaoh in Joseph and his Techni-coloured Dream Coat.  I had to cycle onto stage on a bicycle in a cycling suit with a padded crotch and grab a microphone and sing an Elvis Presley type song while gyrating my hips. I had a ball doing it and it made me popular through out the school which I hadn't experienced since Prep School.  The only embarrassment about the whole thing was having to perform on the 3rd night when my grandmother was in the 2nd row.  I made the gyration of my hips a little bit more subtle on that night.

Preschool: Nativity play

I got to play the role of an angel in the first one and Joseph in the second.

As an Angel

As Joseph