}

15 August 1976

My first depression (aged 17)

I experienced my first depression at the age of 17 when I was in Std 9 at school.  

It started with a sudden attack of doubt as to whether I really wanted to study Zoology after I left school. It mushroomed from there and I suddenly found myself consumed with a deeply heavy and contracted feeling that I could't shake off. I was unable to experience pleasure of any kind.  I became very quiet and withdrawn, and mum asked me what was wrong but I said "nothing" as I had no ideas why I felt so awful.  There was no rational reason for me feeling this way.  I had no knowledge of depression and didn't realise that I was in the grips of it.

I forced myself to focus on my preparation for the coming exams (exams always being a source of real anxiety for me) although this was a real struggle.  But I persisted with my studies, day by day, almost obsessively, and slowly the depression lifted as I regained a sense of control and momentum. 

7 August 1976

An obsessive compulsive phase I went through (aged 14 - 17)

When I was 14 (in Std 7 at school), I did my school work on a pine desk in my room that had a lift up lid. At some stage, for some reason, I put some bars of  Nordika soap into my desk which spread it's scent to all the books and stationery there.  Then, suddenly one day, I found myself inexplicably disgusted by the smell of the Norkika. I removed the offending soap, but the smell remained.  If I handled an item that was in my desk, I felt it was infected with the Nordika and I'd feel compelled to go wash my hands. This compulsion developed into an absolute  obsession.  I found myself washing my hands multiple times per day with soap, and then later with even stronger detergents. I felt more and more anxious about contamination by the dreaded Nordika soap. It made me feel absolutely helpless.  

I can't remember exactly how the obsession ended. I asked my parents if I could move rooms and this helped a bit but the obsession diminished very slowly. By the time I was 15, in a higher standard at school, the obsession was a little easier to manage but it persisted several years.  I didn't think I would ever get over it. It was a very difficult period of my life that co-incided with being emotionally bullied at school.  I've often wondered if the obsessive compulsive phase I went through was related to that.  In retrospect, it probably was.

My obsession with contamination reared it's head again, but to a lesser extent in Std 9 (aged 17) when I became revolted by the smell of the hamster urine in our outside room and I was wary of handling anything that I felt had been permeated by the smell.

Also, in Std 9, we used a microscope to study uni-celled organisms in pond water. I had a beaker of pond water in my room that I used for the study. I was suddenly revolted by it, leading to more obsessive behaviour.  This was a factor that played a part in precipitating my first bout of depression.

1 August 1976

Affirmation (School years: 1977 - 1988)

 

Academics

  • Sub A: Always easy and the fastest
  • Catching up to class at St Georges to top of class
  • 1st in class few times, and always 2nd
  • A matric with A Afrikaans and Latin
  • Awards every prize giving
  • Mam Suttle's adoration (writing, speaking)
  • My Mindmaps


Writing

  • Man and the planet essay
  • Pompeii and Dido essays
  • Cannon - read essay about Tina
  • Dog story
  • Matric Afrikaans essay about The Okovango after reading Huisgenoot


Performance

  • Acting award for hijack play
  • Huckleberry Finn
  • Pharaoh in Joseph
  • Golden diploma - singing
  • Speech re Okovango
  • Poem reciting
  • Painted faces play.


Sport

  • Record for high jump
  • Winning 4 events at sport's day
  • Winning breaststroke
  • Rugby award
  • Rugby try


Appearance

  • Lifting weights
  • Sean "He looks like "hero character"
  • Andrew "So wirey"


Create

  • Computer program


Affirmation

  • Letter to Mr Suttle


8 June 1976

Fiction books read (School years: 1977 - 1988)


Read in class (Prep School)

  • Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (Roald Dahl)
  • The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien)
  • The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (CS Lewis)





School set books (High school)

  • Great Expectations (Charles Dickens)
  • The Pearl (John Steinbeck)
  • The Old Man And The Sea (Ernest Hemingway)





Shakespeare plays

  • Romeo and Juliet
  • Richard the 3rd
  • The Merchant of Venice





Other

  • The Clan Of The Cave Bear (Jean M Auel)
  • The Valley of Horses  (Jean M Auel)
  • Flowers In The Attic (Virginia Andrews)
  • All Creatures Great and Small (James Herriot)
  • Willard Price Adventure series
  • Enid Blyton: The Famous Five
  • Enid Blyton: The Secret Seven
  • Enid Blyton: Mallory Towers
  • The Hardy Boys (Franklin W. Dixon)
  • Nancy Drew (Carolyn Keene)
  • The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCollough)
  • Goodnight Mister Tom (Michelle Magorian)
















      7 June 1976

      Wilbur Smith

      In my teens and twenties, Wilbur Smith was probably my favourite author and I voraciously read all his books.



      Wilbur Smith books read

      • When the Lion Feeds (1964)
      • The Sound of Thunder (1966)
      • Shout at the Devil (1968)
      • Gold Mine (1970)
      • The Diamond Hunters (1971)
      • The Sunbird (1972)
      • The Eye of the Tiger (1974)
      • Cry Wolf (1976)
      • A Sparrow Falls (1977)
      • Hungry as the Sea (1978)
      • Wild Justice (1979)
      • A Falcon Flies (1980)
      • Eagle in the Sky (1980)
      • Men of Men (1981)
      • The Angels Weep (1982)
      • The Leopard Hunts in Darkness (1984)
      • The Burning Shore (1985)
      • Power of the Sword (1986)
      • Rage (1987)
      • A Time to Die (1989)
      • Golden Fox (1990)
      • Elephant Song (1991)
      • River God (1994)
      • The Seventh Scroll (1995)
      • Warlock (1995)
      • Monsoon (1999)
      • Blue Horizon (2003)

      7 April 1976

      Gratitude (School years: 1977 - 1988)

       

      Monte-vista

      • Remedial lessons before school
      • Good for my confidence early on
      • Nurturing atmosphere
      • My teacher: very supportive
      • Movies on Fridays



      St Georges

      • Small classes, very supportive environment
      • Jenny Mallet
      • Mr Cannon
      • Ray Suttle (especially Mindmapping)
      • Mr Howard (computer, photography, worldly issues, nature)
      • Tony and Liakat
      • Tony introducing me to birding
      • Julian and Kaffin
      • My intelligence (especially writing, A matric)
      • Acting and speech making abilities
      • The choir
      • Trip to Okovango and Chobe

      11 January 1976

      My matric dances

      St Georges Std 9 & Matric Dance with Jane






      St Georges Matric Dance with Wendy






      Wynberg Girl's Matric Dance with Jane




      22 November 1975

      Watching television as a child

      I have vivid memories of watching TV as a child. I cannot remember exactly when we bought a TV but it must have been in the mid 70's.


      Here are shows from the 70's that I remember watching:

      • Quincy (1976 - 1983)
      • The Love Boat (1977 - 1987)
      • Maude (1972 - 1978)
      • WKRP in Cincinnati (1978 - 1982)
      • Kojak (1973 - 1988)
      • Starsky and Hutch (1975 - 1979)
      • Battlestar Galactica (1978 - 1979)
      • Star Trek (1966-1969)
      • The Carol Burnett Show (1967 - 1978)
      • Chips (1977 - 1983)
      • Tom and Jerry (1975 - 1977) 
      • Three’s Company (1977–1984)
      • MAS*H (1972–1983)
      • Little House on the Prairie (1974–1983)
      • Dallas (1978–1991) 
      • The Price Is Right (1972–Present)





      11 June 1975

      Childhood holidays

      A holiday I can remember  vividly was our trip to England when I was six years old to visit Gran and Gramps.  It was the first time I can remember flying and I remember the enormous excitement I felt when we walked from the airport onto the tarmac and I saw the huge Jumbo that we were going to fly in.

      Once we were in England, we got roller skates as a present and Jo and I spent hours roller skating down Gran and Gramp's short drive.  I also remember hours of playing Lego with Jo - we were both addicted to Lego.  I also remember playing with a Fisher Price fire engine that gave me hours of fun.

      My other memory is going to Brighton beach and my surprise that it was covered in pebbles and not sand.

      We also visited Uncle Jack and Auntie Nancy in Devon and I can remember creating a birds nest in their hedge using straw.  I also faintly remember visiting Auntie Lottie who was the oldest person I think I'd ever met.  She ended living to 103.




      Then there were our annual trips to Eight Bells, a farm that was about five hours drive from Cape Town.  We would leave very early in the morning and I'd sleep in the back of the car.  We'd stop for a breakfast of sausages and egg out of a Tupperware which I didn't like at all but mum thought I loved.  Mum was quite devastated when I admitted this to her a few years ago because she had very happy memories of our breakfasts.  During our stop, dad would replenish the petrol in the car out of a big plastic container.   For some reason it was illegal to do that at the time, so he'd do it on the sly.

      The thing I remember most about Eight Bells was the horse riding.  We'd ride everyday and I loved every minute of it.  A highlight for me was the exhilaration I felt when I cantered for the first time and how smooth and free it felt compared to the jerkiness of trotting.  I remember feeding the horses sugar lumps from my hand and stroking their noses.

      Eight Bells was the place where I had my first crush.  The object of my affection was Farmer Brown's daughter who was a few years older than me.  She came horse riding with us once and she was a really good rider.  I thought she was magnificent.






      Other places we had had holidays were Mountain World and Sedgefield.  I don't remember much about either except for swimming in the pool at Mountain World and being looked after by a nanny and the fact that we children ate separately from the adults.  I didn't really like that.




      Other holidays I remember are camping trips with the Culleys which I loved.  More about the Culleys later.  I remember we had a huge family tent that had a collapsible frame that would take hours to put together.  But it was a cool tent with separate internal compartments so we were able to have our own private "bedroom."



      Later still, we enjoyed several fun holidays in Pringle Bay with the Rusconis where we'd spend many happy hours on the beach.




      25 January 1975

      Childhood movies: Movies that made a big impact

      • The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)
      • Satan's Triangle (1975)
      • The Eagle Has Landed  (1976)
      • Live and Let Die (1978)
      • Superman (1978)
      • The Blue Lagoon(1980)
      • Private Benjamin (1980)
      • The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980)
      • The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980)
      • Chariots of Fire  (1981)
      • Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark  (1981)
      • For Your Eyes Only (1981)
      • E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
      • Annie (1982)
      • Never Ending Story (1984)
      • Romancing the Stone (1984)
      • Ghostbusters (1984)
      • Gremlins (1984)
      • The Woman in Red  (1984)
      • The Karate Kid (1984)























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