Correspondence with Dani (year after break-up)

Hi G,

How are you ? Hope you are well and had a good weekend. Seems like a very long time since we caught up....what have you been up to ? I've seen a few piccies on your FB page of bushwalks, camping and South Africa -    looks like you've been adventuring a fair bit. How is Mack ? your fam ? and Alex and Sue ?

I'm still at UTS and enjoying it though it is busy and intense as we're finishing 3 buildings this year. 1 down 2 to go. They renewed my contract for another 3 years so I'm very happy about that. Still paddling though not so regularly - club politics, or paddletics, are getting to me again so don't think I'll renew my membership next season. Happy doing coffee cruises with friends and rubber necking at wildlife (some things don't change). My fam is good. Mum and Dad just came back from 6 weeks oversees hiking, sightseeing etc in Europe. Nat and the kids are good though Andrew is recovering from an ankle operation so is getting waited on hand and foot (pun intended). Zak is very passionate about his surf photography; almost as much as Sally is about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles !

Just thought I'd let you know that I've been seeing someone for just over a year now. His name is Paul and he's also a sustainability manager. We met at a David Suzuki lecture ! We are actually moving in together this coming weekend - up to Hornsby. Sad to leave my lovely little unit so close to the City but it feels right and I'm looking forward to more space, an actual backyard and not having to listen to my wannabe rock god neighbour strangling his guitar. Ahh the serenity. Just thought I'd let you know in case I post something on FB...

Anyways, would be good to hear your news. I hope you are happy, healthy and enjoying life :)

Ciao,

Dani



Hi Dani

When I was in South Africa in April, I went on a canoeing trip in the wilderness. One night I lay on the ground and looked out into the vast night sky and my thoughts turned to you as they sometimes do.  I wished from the bottom of my heart that you were happy and well and that you'd found love with someone really special.  As I wished it, three shooting stars shot out across the sky in instant succession.  I was absolutely awe-struck as I'd never seen anything like it. And I was also filled with a great sense of peace that surely this was some kind of sign that everything was well with you.

I was so, so happy to read your e-mail the other night and to learn that this wasn't wishful thinking.

I'm sending you positive vibes as you move to Hornsby - that everything goes smoothly and beautifully. Hornsby may be further away from the city, but at least it is on a direct train line and you're always sure to get a seat. Think of all the great books you'll be able to read on your commute.  Maybe even put your Kindle to great use.  It will be lovely to have a backyard too.  You'll be able to make up for last time with lots and lots of delicious barbecues.

You made me chuckle when you mentioned the irritating guitar player in your block.  My neighbour has taken up the trumpet (of all things!) and he's been playing the same dreadful tune for months, often early in the morning, and never gets any better at it!  I've seriously considered phoning him up at 4 am each morning to tell him how much I enjoy his playing.

You asked for some news from my side so here goes ...

2013, after our break up, was a very tough time for me emotionally. I found myself grappling with feelings, unimaginably deep, that left me reeling at times. It was also a time for deep reflection, and a time of great spiritual growth; a kind of opening of my heart that allowed me to feel emotions I've been blocking for years. A priceless gift, though painful at the time.

2014 has been a wonderful year, one of the happiest of my life. I spent nearly two months in South Africa and connected more deeply with my family than ever before, especially with my little nephew.  On the Sydney front, I've thrown myself into many wonderful hiking adventures, capturing the wonder of nature with my camera as I go, and making some very special friendships along the way. My meditation practice keeps getting deeper and I feel more and more connected to something greater than me that I cannot name or define, nor would ever want to.  It gives me an immense sense of calm and trust.  I'm still playing tennis and my dodgy forearm has suddenly come right which means I just about always beat poor Brendan these days, much to his disgust!  Work's going great and I still find time to work on my quotations project which I firmly believe is going to change the world of online quotes and earn me enough passive income to free me up to travel and photograph all the world's remaining wild places (I live in hope!)

On the romantic front, I made a conscious decision to stay single for a year after we split up; to focus instead on broadening my circle of friends and getting total clarity on what I wanted for my life. And then, in June this year, as if by clockwork, I fell for a lovely South African girl who I met through hiking.  We got really close, but a few weeks ago she left for a year long sabbatical in Africa to train to be a nature guide and do volunteering which she's been planning to do for years.  I'll join her next year to explore Mozambique together.

Mack is as gorgeous and wonderful as ever, although he's suffering a bit from what the vet thinks may be mild arthritis, so I'm not walking him as much as before. Liza is still a big part of his life.  We always see the vet together and I think he is extremely curious as to the exact nature of our relationship.  We so clearly have absolutely nothing in common. Except for an endless mutual adoration for a little furry creature.  And that counts for everything.

You asked about Su and Alex.  Well, a short while after we separated, Su happily announced that she was pregnant.  She asked if they could continue to stay in the house after the baby was born. I immediately said yes, feeling it was meant to be.  They got married in November at Balmoral Beach and I took photos. And then on Jan 15, beautiful little Amilie was born.  She was the perfect baby, often sleeping 12 hours shifts, and just about never crying and I was a very proud and doting "uncle". Then in June, they decided to emigrate to Europe, and at the end of July they left and took their (my!!!) baby with them.  I felt sad but very grateful to have experienced it all.

Your positive influence continues to live on in my life ...

• I still use my slow cooker often
• I've been to all the National Geographic presentations at the Opera House after enjoying Matthias Klum so very much (that was honestly the best present I think I ever got)
• I live in excited (almost cold turkey type) anticipation of the next series of Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead which you, of course, introduced me to (having now gone to the dark side and become a compulsive downloader of movies!)
• I continue to use the word "nana nap" to describe what has become a regular practice.
• I went to another fancy dress not so long ago, and wore my mullet again!!
• I still think of you when I have a mocha, though I've greatly cut down on my caffeine fix.

Anyway, that's enough news I'm sure. There's always tons more on my blog, which I continue to update religiously, much to the delight of my mum and my 80 year old self.

Wishing you all things wonderful.  Plenty of happiness, joy, excitement, adventure, wonder, fun and laughter. A relationship full of love, connection, sharing, support and mutual discovery.  And Saturday morning paddles jam packed with exhilarating wildlife sightings.

With love,
G

PS  If you're looking to do an amazing but relatively unknown hike that's not far away, I can't recommend this one enough.  You'd love it!!

PS PS  If Zak ever puts his surf photos online, please send me the link as I'd love to see them. He and I seem to share so many passions.

Chrisel

After movie and lunch 

• Thanks for such a lovely afternoon. I forgot all about the cold dreary day chatting to you next to the cozy fire.  

After Babootie lunch

• It was lovely having you over yesterday and being able to share a tiny part of my life with you. Shame Mack couldn’t make it this time! I feel so comfortable just hanging out with you and cracking up at the odd funny anecdote or story.  

About blog

• I lost myself for a couple of hours in your treasure trove...what an incredible collection of memories you have created there. You must be so proud of yourself; seriously to be so in touch with all your most valued people/experiences is very admirable. And the photos! Those South America photos are amaaaaaaazing! 

Email with Liz

From Liz   

I Don't know if you watch the Big Bang Theory but at the end of every episode is a comedic note from the writers covering various topics.  This was tonight's:

"A young woman stepped forward from the throng and asked, 'O' great prophet, tell us how we might find love that is unconditional, unwavering, and unending.'  The prophet did not answer right away.  He looked off into the distance, gathering his thoughts.  Silence descended upon the crowd.  Then he turned his gaze upon the young woman and said, 'Get a dog.' " 

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran (1st draft) 

Haha...hopefully that's not true...otherwise I need to invest in a dog!

From me

Oh dear, you've got me onto a subject I can spout on forever!!
Firstly, I love the quote and have added it to my burgeoning collection. Secondly, I hate to break it to you, but it's so true!!!
Let me use this opportunity to try to convince you to choose a canine companion over a human companion...

First off, many famous women agree that no man can love you like a dog does...
• The more boys I meet the more I love my dog.  Carrie Underwood 
• Dogs never bite me. Just humans.  Marilyn Monroe 
• Why can't a man be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive.  Mary Adams 
• A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. Gilda Radner 

Secondly, unconditional love is only the tip of the iceberg of what a furry friend can bring you...
• A dog can give you a purpose in life: to become the person your dog thinks you are! 
• A dog can teach your children a lot of things:  like fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. 
• No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does.    
• Dogs provide oodles of comfort when you're feeling blue because they don't try to find out why. 

All in all, a dog can make you blissfully happy.  There is simply no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

But in the interests of a balanced argument, maybe; just maybe it's all a crock of lies.  Maybe the "love" dogs give is just a sneaky façade to keep us in tow. After all, if aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

Oh well, enough thoughts on the matter.  I'll leave you to make up your own mind!

From Liz  

Almost convincing Mr Myburgh.  But then I found this quote ...

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”   Groucho Marx 

Haha..in saying that though, I've always been partial to a golden retriever.  But I think I just love them because as puppies they are the cutest things.  I don't know about actually looking after one full time.  Looking after two kids on my own is plenty for now...

From me

Ha ha!  That's another absolute gem of a quote. I'll capitulate. After all, a woman as a partner does indeed have some beautiful, marvellous and even sacred qualities that no dog, even on its best day, can possibly match...

... like being able to look in a drawer and find a pair of socks that aren't there!
And maybe we men as partners have more sweet-natured, loving, dog-like qualities to bestow than we're given credit for. As Robert Brault said  "I am not your dog, but if every time you saw me, you gave me a backrub, I would run to greet you, too." 

Letter on returning to Sydney from Cape Town

Hi Graeme, 

How was your time in South Africa with your family?? Sad to be back or happy to be back in your own space again or both?

The weather has been glorious lately so you’ve chosen a good time to come back. I’ve been going to a few comedy gigs at the comedy store and on Thursday night I even got to see Gerard Butler in real life –he was hanging around Fox studios when we came out of the comedy store – I’ve never seen anyone famous in my life before!
Anyway let me know when you have settled back in and want to catch some comedy.

Chrisèl

P.S. Can you believe the Mango Groove concert got cancelled!? Again!! I was sooooo disappointed!! I have been listening to one of their old CD’s for weeks now! Anyway, I’m sitting at home now thinking I could’ve been in Luna Park tonight!


Hi there Chrisèl 

Yes, I know!!  I was also really gutted about Mango Groove. It was going to be my coming-back-to-Sydney and- missing- the-family "blues banisher."  What's with Claire and the gang?  Don't they know the devastating effect they have on us by not pitching??
Adding salt to the wounds was arriving home and being told by my lovely house-mates that they're moving to Europe and taking their (MY!!!) adorable baby with them. I felt SO sad.  Quick where can I find a replacement baby??  One that smiles and coos 12 hours a day, never cries and sleeps the other 12 !!

My Cape Town trip was absolutely wonderful. Lots of adventures including paragliding and the dreaded Ratanga Junction sling-shot - scary stuff.  I really bonded with my wonderful little nephew - being attached to him and being shot 100 metres into the sky made sure of that.

The one great highlight of coming home was being re-united with my doggie, Mack.  What an ecstatic re-union! There was much panting, slobbering, high pitched whining, jumping up and down and bum shaking. Mack showed strong signs of excitement too :)

I'd love to go see some comedy.  I'm catching up on work stuff but pretty free from next week on.  Is it a weekend or week-night thing?  I'm happy with whichever.

Gerard Butler?  Isn't he the muscle adorned hunk from 300?  Eye candy galore.  Did you ask for an autograph?  The only famous person I've met informally was Percy Montgomery.  Sat next to him in the cinema.  I was quite star struck!

Anyway, I hope you're well and using the marvellous weather to go on lots of nice hikes. I see there's a nice long weekend coming up.  Let the outdoor adventures begin.

Cheers,
G

Email with Liz

Hi Graeme 

It looks like you are having an absolutley fabulous time in South Africa.  Very jealous.
Since you gave us the link, I have been snooping around your blog. And all I can say is WOW!!!!  It is an absolutely extraordinary piece of work.

Firstly, Your photos are beyond amazing.  I don't know if this sounds odd, but all of your photos have this very positive, uplifting feel about them.  They give a sense of hope, wonder, awe and a general sense that everything is right with the world (sorry for getting a bit deep there).  Anyway, there is definitely a gallery waiting with your name on it!  A few of my favourites are the "Torres Del Paine, Chile" with the sunlight hitting the peaks, the lion sitting so grandly and looking so majestic, the moon setting over the 12 Apostles, the sun setting behind the elephant, the sunset one with the boat in the water (you must have taken it recently)....really I could name so many more....
Your memoirs are so warm, honest and funny.  Its great reading about your family and seeing photos when you were a boy...with hair  (haha).

Your poetry brought me to to tears (particularly the one entitled 'The Child' for a couple different reasons).  I love poetry and used to write heaps as a child and in my teens but I haven't done so for ages.

I also have a love of Enid Blyton but my favourites are Naughty Amelia Jane and Noddy.  My daughter is reading them now and it fills my heart with such joy.
Movies, well a many of my favourites are not on the top 250 list - Mary Poppins, To Catch a Thief, Pretty Woman (yes a weird choice), Groundhog Day, Pillow Talk (I grew up watching Doris Day movies with my mum), Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Intouchables and The Other Son to name a few.
It really is a beautiful blog.  Now I want to do one as well - not for public display but for my girls.  I have no idea how to start one so maybe a little help when you get back??

Can't wait to hear all your stories when you return.  Don't forget a recipe or two for me.

Cheers
Elizabeth

Hi there Liz

Wow, thanks so much for your lovely email and all your kind and affirming words about my blog and photography. I really appreciate it. It left me beaming.

I started the blog 10 years ago as a way to keep my South African family (especially my news starved mum) connected to my life in the UK. But in the years since then, it's taken on a life of it's own.  It's become something I do mostly for myself; a way of getting perspective on my life and celebrating all the memories and people I cherish most -    a kind of gratitude journal. I believe so strongly in the power of gratitude which is why your nightly gratitude ritual with your girls resonated so deeply with me when you told me about it.

Your words about the photos conveying a sense of hope and wonder really mean a lot to me.  A big part of my personal spiritual journey is about waking up to the wonder and beauty in the world around me. It's what makes me feel connected to a higher power and what gets me out into nature so much. Life can be a struggle at times, but a beautiful one, full of joy, wonder and goodness too.  I feel it's such a deep privilege to be alive on this amazing planet. I'm so glad at least some of that comes across in my photos.

I'm glad you liked the poetry too and some of it resonated. I haven't written anything in a long time, and keep meaning to write more. We should both turn it into our Mid Year resolution :)

Some of the movies you mentioned are amongst my top favourites too.  I just adore Breakfast at Tiffany's - I've always had a huge crush on Audrey Hepburn and I can't get enough of her version of "Moon River."  I can't believe they originally dubbed over it - absolute sacrilege!  Pretty Woman is wonderful too, I watched it again just a few months ago and cried - but then I'm very soppy that way.  And Groundhog Day is pure genius - a movie I could watch over and over (ha ha!)  I watched Saving Mr Banks the other day and it's inspired me to watch Mary Poppins again.  Some of the others I haven't seen, I'll check them out.

You should definitely start a blog and I'd love to help you with that.  With children, there must be so many priceless memories to celebrate as they grow up and a blog would make a wonderful digital scrapbook for you and the girls to look back on. The family would love it too.  I use blogger.com but there are several other good alternatives.  It's easy to protect a blog so only invited people can see it.  I've thought of protecting my blog too as it's so personal, but only family and close friends tend to view it so have never got round to it.  Important to do with youngsters though.

I'm not sure when you guys are off to The Banff Mountain Film festival, but it must be soon.  It's one of the highlights of my year and I'll really miss it. Hope it's as wonderful and inspiring as it was last year.  Be careful on the drive home - I find the adrenaline fuelled antics on screen make me feel totally invincible and I always drive home far faster than I should!!

Cheers,
G

Email to Chrisel after hike

Hi there Chrisel

I hope you had a really fun St Patrick's party today and got to enjoy some Guinness. The weather today was a wee bit Irish at times - hope you didn't get too wet if it was an outdoor affair.
I was thinking of hiking again today (a 27 km one!!). Pretty glad I wimped out. Nothing like the incessant squelch of soggy boots. My boots are totally waterproof; they never let a single drop of water out once it gets in.
It was great seeing you again yesterday. You have such a wonderful and warm energy about you. When you do get to guide people through nature's wonders, you're going to be absolutely amazing at it.

Below are two links to my Kruger photos. I had a very special time there, and felt so connected to it all. It was Spring and the bonds I saw between parents and their young touched me especially deeply. To me, there's nothing comparable to African wildlife and wilderness. That and the people. Together, they capture the very "soul" of Africa that we spoke about yesterday.

Animal photos at http://www.graemex.blogspot.com/2012/11/exploring-kruger-national-park.html

Bird photos at http://graemex.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/birds-of-kruger-national-park.html

I'm running around like a headless chicken before South Africa, but would love you to introduce me to The Comedy (Store?) if you're up for that sometime after I get back (22 May).

My email address, if it doesn't come through with this, is graememyburgh@gmail.com

Bye for now,
G

Hi Graeme,

I had a lovely St Patrick’s day thanks despite the first drops of rain falling at exactly 12pm which was also the start of the parade! But the thunder, lightning and torrential rain that followed was just a good excuse to end up in the pub drinking Guinness ;o)

Oh but you are talented! Your blog and photos are absolutely amazing! Your connection with the animals and environment really shines through. Normally I would pick a favourite, but I just can’t – they’re all that good - truly inspiring. Thanks for sharing your treasure trove with me.

Well I hope you have a lovely time with your friends and family and come back saturated with quintessential South African traditions!

Looking forward to some comedy (and more amazing photos) when you return.

Chrisèl

Meeting Gavin at Mount Kosciuszko

Hi Gavin.

Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye this morning. It was so great to meet you. Thanks for making our trip so fun and memorable - I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Your zest for life is infectious and your story telling borders on genius - what an amazing skill you have. Glad you got back safe. I'll send you a link to the photos on Saturday.

 Cheers. Graeme

Email from Nicola

Thanks again for an inspiring few days, some wonderful laughs, for being such a great friend & for making the Sydney to Hobart start such a memorable one. Hope I can repay the 'couch' favour (amongst others) one day :-) Keep believing in yourself G, you have so very much to offer this world!  

hugs Nic

Pathways to Intimacy Workshop

Hi Denise 

 I just wanted to thank you for an absolutely beautiful workshop on Sunday. I enjoyed every single minute of it and found it transformational in so many ways. Your facilitation was just perfect - you created such a warm and safe space to open up fully. The deep sharing you did about your own life also touched me to the core and helped give me the courage to share more deeply about myself in the exercises and start doing more of it in my own life. Thank you so much for the blessing you are, the work you do and for making such a difference to the lives of those you touch.

 Thank you again from the heart,
 Graeme


 Hi Abe 

 I just wanted to thank you again for the Pathways to Intimacy workshop on Sunday. It was a truly beautiful experience, full of revelations and discoveries and insights that are precious beyond words. I can't express how glad I am that I went. Thank you for all the immense hard work you did in making it possible and bringing such a blessing into the lives of all us who came. Thank you also for doing your Meet Up groups, for without that, it may have passed me by. Thank you for your calm, loving presence and the personal sharing that you do when we meet - you always inspire me to share more of myself with others.

 Thanks for all this, Abe. You're a great blessing.
 Graeme

Thank you's to Nic

23 Oct 13

Hi Nic

I've been reflecting a lot on points that came up last night and the more I do, the more I realise I'll never think of approval or rejection in the same way again.  It's just the breakthrough I needed in an area I've struggled with as long as I can remember. Thanks for making yourself available in the way you do for wisdom to reveal itself at just the right time.  I'm deeply grateful.

Cheers,
G


4 Sep 13

Hi Nic

Thanks for last night.  There were lots of insights that resonated deeply and I've been trying that meditation technique some more and it's really, really great.

Cheers,
G


11 Sep 13

Hi Nic

Thanks for the wonderful introduction to reincarnation and karma last night. Thanks for all the wisdom and insight that flows through you.  It's a great blessing.


4 Jul 15

Hi Nic

I've been thinking of you guys a lot and hoping you're well.  I'm sure little G is growing so fast!  And is adorable as ever.  I hope your work away went / is going ok.

Life on my side is good. I was in South Africa for 10 weeks and got back a month ago, settling back into Sydney life.   So many of the things I learned from our sessions together are now becoming so part of life that I just can't comprehend being without it.  I feel very, very blessed.

If you are back, it would be wonderful to catch up sometime. No pressure to start the group up again if family commitments are strong as I'm sure they are, but if you feel called to do it again, on a weekly or monthly or quarterly or ad hoc basis, wild horses won't keep me away.

Give my love to Allesandra

Cheers,
G

Letter before break up

 Dear Dani

I've been thinking a lot today and feeling so, so sad, and I realise a big part of that sadness is due to remorse and regrets and wishing I'd done some important things differently.

My greatest regret is to have caused you pain. I've loved you for a long time and no one deserves happiness more than you - and it hurts like hell that I've made you hurt so much.

I'm also sorry that I didn't talk to you about my experience of depression early in our relationship. It's something I've always been ashamed of and seen as a sign of weakness and hidden even from my best friends - even Russell.  In my relationship with you, I was terrified you'd judge me and reject me because of it, especially knowing about my dad.  I convinced myself that it happened over 12 years ago, and that it isn't relevant in my life any more.  But, as I've realised from the soul searching I've done this week, it is.  You deserve to have known about it. By keeping it from you, I stopped you from seeing all the aspects of me and I didn't properly let you in.

I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to confront my concerns about having a child much earlier on - and realise that it was such an issue for me.  I should have explored it far more when I initially went to see the counsellor and the fear of you becoming pregnant came up as a possible factor.  I allowed myself to get distracted by other things - when that was the most important issue to explore by far because of its implications for us. 

I'm sorry that in our relationship, I have focused so much on the present and not nearly enough on the future. I've been so busy loving being with you and relishing your company and sharing experiences with you, that I didn't think enough and talk to you enough about where we were headed.  I focused on bringing happiness to you in the moment, but I didn't project the possibility of bringing you greater unhappiness in the future.  I wish I'd been more courageous in asking you of your dreams and hopes and expectations.  It would have brought us to talk more about children and made me confront things.

I realise that you're most likely feeling angry with me - and I understand that. I fear too that you're feeling regret about our whole relationship, that you are feeling that it has distracted you from getting what you really want for the future at such an important time in your life. I understand that too - although it hurts to think about it. You're such an amazing, beautiful, wonderful person and it has been such a blessing to know you that I can't regret for a second having had you in my life.  But I do so, so regret the way things are now and causing you hurt. 

I'm not writing this email to ask you for any reassurance and there is no pressure to reply. I realise our relationship is almost certainly over. I realise that you need lots of time to process things.   I just wanted to let you know how I'm feeling and that I'm thinking of you constantly and hoping you are ok.  If there is anything you need, I'm here.

G

Letters

July 2013

Dear Dani

It's been wonderful getting to know you over the past few months.   I feel very blessed that your journey has criss- crossed with mine. You're amazing, a veritable ray of sunshine, beautiful all the way through.  And the fact you have a gorgeous butt in jeans doesn't hurt either!!!  Anyway, here for the record, are some of the things that I have come to dig and appreciate about you.

• your all round gorgeousness including your stunning, blue eyes
• the ease with which you laugh
• your love of hiking
• your amazing hair and how delicious it always smells 
• your openness 
• your down to earthness
• the fact you saw the humour in being sprayed with fermented apple juice!
• your ability to park in a tight spot
• your love of doing adventurous and different things
• your love of hugging - you're so very huggable
• the fact that you're so physically affectionate
• your drop dead gorgeous smile
• your boots!!!
• your Australianisms
• the fact you still have your soft toys
• The way I feel when I'm with you
• your passion for whales and the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about them
• your love of movies
• your zest for paddling and being on the water - your form of meditation
• the way you always ask me about my day
• how amazingly easy you are to talk to and be open with
• your positive energy
• your delicious Belgian waffles and amazing Tiramisu
• the soft little murmers you sometimes make as you fall asleep
• your passion for Mocha
• the fact you are so comfortable to be yourself
• your delicious derriere
• the fact you've lived in so many places and loved them all
• the fact you were willing to go rollerblading without brakes!
• How proud you are of being a fair dinkum Aussie.
• your ability to procrastinate (tax!!) - I can so relate!
• the way you make people feel so comfortable 
• the fact Mack immediately loved you to bits
• your love of couch surfing after a hectic day
• your patience with my navigation fopauxes
• the way you kiss
• the way you confide in me about your ups and downs at work
• your happy, happy, joy, joy booty shaking victory dance!
• your sportiness
• the fact you own a frisbee!
• your love of Thai and discovering Pad See Ew (Yum!)
• your enthusiasm for sustainability and making a difference at work
• the balanced way you see life
• the fact your parents own a Macadamian nut farm and your nut stash - what a bonus!
• how down to earth you are
• watching you put on your work clothes
• your practical minded approach to things
• your ticklishness
• your natural friendliness
• your sense of fun
• your warmth

September 2012

Dear Graeme

Well, it's been quite a few months now since we met in that little place in Kirribilli and I've really enjoyed getting to know you.  Now that you're off to South Africa for 6 weeks, I'm finding that I'm going to miss you not just a little bit, but a lot.  So here are some of the things about you that I dig and I'm going to miss (in no particular order).

• how sweet and considerate you are
• your cute Saffa accent
• your cheeky sense of humour
• how thoughtful you are
• how you celebrate the little things
• you always make me feel beautiful
• how tall you are
• how much you love Mack
• your rollerblading powers
• your encyclopaedic knowledge of films and uncanny talent as a script writer
• that you're not afraid to say how you feel and show your emotions
• how you cry in movies - more than me!
• your gorgeous eyes
• your twitching tendencies and passion for birds
• your booty shaking G-Force dance - you know what I'm talkin' about!
• that you're not afraid to go outside your comfort zone
• that you wear your heart on your sleeve and are not afraid to put yourself out there on your blog.
• your sweet tooth
• your perfect teeth
• your enjoyment of the great outdoors, hiking and the ocean
• your addiction to lists
• your love of hugging
• your enduring positivity
• your enjoyment of discovering Sydney's hidden gems
• your passion for teaching
• your love of photography and eye for detail
• that you are always supportive and listen to my work dramas
• that you are writing a book
• that you're really a big softie (don't worry, I won't tell anyone.)
• your interest in meditation and in exploring your spiritual self
• your reliance on Sheila
• that you're a very good listener
• that you enjoy travelling in off the beaten track places
• that you bring me flowers unexpectedly for no reason
• that you're easy to talk to
• your G-liciousness!

Better stop before I run out of runway, but the list could go on for a while yet!  See you when you get back from South Africa and I'll be cashing in on all those stored up hugs.

Dani xx


May 2013

Dear Dani

Thank you so much for the past year - for the collage of wonderful, fun, special moments we have gotten to share.

As you know, I love lists, so here are just some of the golden moments that I treasure.

• Seeing you for the first time in a little pub in Kirribilli and being so smitten by your gorgeousness, I forgot to pay for your drink!
• The moment the apple juice exploded in the car, and the way you saw the humour in it.
• Putting my arm around you for the 1st time - the joys of sharing an umbrella in the rain!
• Holding your hand for the first time - while rollerblading, and then for the 2nd time at Govinda's.
• Going to the Sydney Olympic park to watch The Footie - and our first sleep over.
• Lazy Sunday morning sleep ins with a mocha and the paper.
• Your amazing Tiramisu - and those delicious Dutch pancakes.
• Lazing on your couch, all spread out, watching many a movie and munching chili chocolate!
• Ice skating with you - it felt very romantic.
• Getting to see you all dressed up for the theatre (Chorus Line)
• Your excitement when we saw dolphins so close on our whale cruise.
• Our cosey cabin in the Blue Mountains - and our struggle to get into it in the dark!
• Some great hikes and walks.
• Your wonderful letter when I went to South Africa
• Getting to have hair at your 40th birthday party - how great you looked in fluoro!
• Going into the Opera House for the first time to see the amazing Matthias Klum - what an inspired gift that was!
• Our photographic expedition around your folk's farm - and sitting on their porch swing.
• Frolicking in the surf with you - at Scott's Head and Port Shepstone - total exhileration.
• Our super road trip along Waterfall Way and sharing a tent with you at Cathedral Rock
• Cycling around Dubbo zoo, photographing cheeky meerkats and other critters.
• Great movies at the Orpheum (like Beasts of The Southern Wild and Argo) - no other cinema comes close!  
• Introducing me to the exhileration of The Banff festival and The Ocean Film Festival
• Watching you outmanoeuvre and triumph over that crafty Mark! 
• The joys of Thai take-away and introducing me to the deliciousness of pad see ew
• Watching you play games with Sally.
• Dessert heaven in the Hunter's Valley - and that mocha of all mochas (yum!)
• Browsing the Saturday markets and browsing the shops 
• Some lazy picnics in the park
• Experiencing dragon boat racing with you - and coming 2nd!!
• Tasting wine in Mudgee and Hunter Valley
• Sailing and kayaking on the harbour - what a beautiful city we live in!
• Showering together in the mornings - what a beautiful sight to start the day!
• Sampling some of our local restaurants
• Our crack cocaine addiction to Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad
• Showing me your baby photos - your cuteness was evident right from the start!
• Doing my little dance for you before bed - and your complimentary ooh la lah's if I'm wearing sexy underwear!
• Snorkeling at Shelley Beach - with you in your pink bikini!!!
• Your great Xmas gift of a slow cooker - and how it inspired me to get cooking.
• Getting to try your Honu - even if I did capsize!
• Delicious roasts cooked in your oven.
• Mack doing everything possible to get onto your lap - how he adores you!

What wonderful moments and memories - and what a treasure you are.  Thank you for such special times.  Thank you for being you.

Love,
G

Correspondence with Nerium

 Hi there Nerium

Hey, what a lovely name.  I studied 10 years of Latin at school (maybe I shouldn't be admitting this so soon!!) as well as a year of Botany at university, so not only can I admire your name, but I can also conjugate it! From what I know of the Oleander, it may be very poisonous and all over the place, but it does also have a beautiful flower :)

From your profile and email, it looks like we have a lot in common.

Let see, now...

You've lived in a lot of different places.  I have too, but not quite as many as you. I've lived in Cape Town, Pretoria, London, Cambridge and now Sydney.  I've also spent large amounts of time in Gothenberg and Tel Aviv with work.  I love settling into and getting to know new places, which also explains my addiction to travel.  I've been living in Sydney now since late 2006 and am happy to call it home.  However, that doesnít mean Iím shouting for the Aussies in the world cup rugby ñ Iím still South African in that regard !

You like animals and so do I. In Cape Town, I did voluntary work for an animal rescue organisation which was often very hard emotionally but also extremely fulfilling. Currently, the love of my life is Mack, my adorable Jack Russell. He takes me for walks every day to the park and introduces me to all the local dogs and their owners.  He's ball mad and the sweetest natured dog you can imagine.   

You are involved in developing Internet sites for a living.  Me too!!  I do freelance work for an interactive web agency helping clients to use the internet through online marketing etc. It sounds like you've got some very interesting clients and your sites look great. Like you, I get quite attached to my clients.  My most recent project has been for an online fitness community site - www.springday.com.au. 

My freelance consulting I do part time and it pays my bills. The rest of the time I teach English to a class of young adult students from all over the world.  It doesn't pay much but it really fulfills me and makes me feel young. English is a passport to so many opportunities for my students and it's wonderful to be able to play a role in helping them to move towards their goals.  

You like Eckhart Tolle.  I'm a tremendous fan of his as well. He has so much to teach about living in the moment and "mindful" living.  Partly thanks to him, I became very interested in meditation and it helps me greatly to "let go" of things.  Other spiritual authors that have made a big impact on me are Deepak Chopra, Neale Walsch and John Kehoe. 

Interesting too that you mentioned Buddhism.  I went to some Buddhist meetings earlier this year and it's something I'm keen to pursue again. When I was hiking in Nepal, I came into contact with some wonderful Buddhist monks and meditated in some beautiful remote temples in the Himalayas. It's a wonderful philosophy with a lot to teach.

You like the outdoors.  I can very much relate to that too. I'm at my happiest when I'm out in nature, the more remote the better.  Being in nature is a powerful spiritual outlet for me and a big reason why I enjoy hiking so much.  Another of my spiritual outlets is taking photos and capturing the beauty of things.  I've been taking photos for a few years now and enjoy it immensely. You can see some of my photos at http://g-trovephotos.com

You like prawns and picnics. Me too! Especially prawns.  Yum!  And I live right on a beautiful park here in Waverton which is perfect for picnics. 

So, we have lots in common. I must admit, however, to not knowing anything at all about Woolclassing, architectural drafting, V8s or WWE!!  However, I'm always fascinated to find out about new things :)  

By the way, I must also admit to not knowing what a "bitzer" is - is that a local expression??  I tried to Google it but it didn't help!!  You'll have to enlighten me!

Anyway, hope that's given you a bit more info about me. I'm totally new to RSVP and the online dating world so you'll have to guide me through any protocols.

Cheers 

Graeme

Hi there Neri

My mum also writes me long emails every few weeks and I love getting them. They give me a wonderful sense of the everyday life of my family in Cape Town, including my sister and beloved nephew and niece (aged 7 and 11) who I miss very much.  My mum would love it if I recipricated in  kind, but I prefer to keep in contact through Skype.  Having said that, I do keep a blog that keeps everyone updated with my life, but these days it consists more of photographs than detailed written ramblings. The blog is at www.graemex.blogspot.com

Talking of writing, you write beautifully.  I definitely think you've got some excellent novels in you. Your varied life experiences and interests will provide rich pickings. Have you decided yet on the theme of your trilogy? Interesting too that you write poetry. Do you ever share it?  I also like to write poetry once in a while, but haven't in ages. Maybe it's time to start again. 

It doesn't freak me out that you haven't been out of Australia. It certainly might have a couple of years ago, but not now.  When I was younger, I went through a compulsive stint of wanting to travel everywhere I hadn't been and see everything I hadn't seen. It was an addiction and I felt I was losing out when I wasn't "on the road", especially when I was bogged down in the daily grind of work.  But since I arrived in Australia, I've become more grounded and sedentary. I read once that the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. It resonated.  I've been focussing a lot more on deepening my appreciation of where I'm at and not longing so much after new places.  And let's face it, there is a lot to appreciate and experience and explore in Sydney. I've really loved getting to know her really well.  That's the great thing about photography too.  You can visit exactly the same place over and over but the subtle differences in light give you different results every time.  It helps me see with new eyes. 

Wow, it must have been hard to lose both Holly and Tate so close together, especially at such a difficult time with your break up. Are you thinking of getting any new pets?  Pet's are so enriching, but they are also a big responsibility and they can tie you down a bit. I'm very lucky with Mack. He escaped from my house when I was at work last year (my pescy housemate left the gate open.)  Mack decided to search me out and ran straight for the Pacific Highway. He was rescued by a local woman who totally fell in love with him.  Now she looks after Mack during the day while I'm at work.  And she has him two to three nights a week so I can enjoy a guilt free social life.  And if I want to go away for the weekend to a national park, or to South Africa for a few weeks to see my family, she looks after him too.  So I'm not tied down at all. And Mack loves it - he's hardly ever alone and never has to go to the kennels.  It's a wonderful concept - dog share.  Maybe there's a business idea there, facilitating it...   

Your CEO friend sounds like a really amazing guy.  To keep the spirit strong through an ordeal as traumatic and exhausting as cancer is an amazing thing. I've been following the journey of Kristian at http://howthelightgetsin.net and he too really inspires me.  It's amazing how faith can be so nourishing. The power of believing that things happen for a reason and embracing it.

Wow, that music site of yours is huge! It looks like an interesting business.  Do you play the guitar?  Handcoding certainly does provide extra flexibility and I like your values - it's good to know what you stand for when running your own business. Very important in fact.  When I was in London, I worked for a branding company and I spent my days helping businesses to understand what made them unique and special and then getting them to articulate that through everything they did. I enjoyed that a lot - it was a very creative process.

Thanks for some of your insights around RSVP. This dating thing is a little intimidating to me right now as I haven't done formal dating in well over a decade and a half!!! My relationship ended in late 2009 after 17 years - 10 years of which I was married. I had a relationship after the split with someone I met at the park through Mack (he's a great match maker) but it was a little disastrous - she unexpectedly turned out to be not just a little bit crazy and not in a good way. My radar is obvioulsy not as finely tuned as yours! So, I was scared off a bit and only now dabling my toe back in the sea.  One of my aims with RSVP is to increase my circle of single friends - most of my old friends are married couples with young kids.  I love them all, but I do find the conversation evolves around the kids 90% of the time and it get's a little bit much.

Anyway, over and out.  It's my birthday today and I've got a busy but fun day ahead.  Work, then drinks and dinner out with friends.  

Cheers for now

G

Hi Neri

Ah, Beauty and the Geek.  I saw the trailer for that a while back and it looked like a lot of fun - nice to see Geeks getting the girls for a change.  I hardly watch any TV (mainly because I hate all the advertising, every 5 minutes) but I'm hesitant to admit I did get a little bit hooked on Australia's Got Talent a little while ago. 

ABC is my favourite channel when I do watch, and I do have a bit of a thing for documentaries of any kind, but especially wildlife ones.  I'm a great David Attenborough fan and I own all his series. 

I'm addicted to movies and sometimes go through phases of watching several a week.  The cinema has no boundary, it is a ribbon of dream.  My favourite web site is The Internet Movie Database and when I was living in London, I watched all the movies on their top 250 list (http://www.imdb.com/chart/top)   Very sad, I know, and I really need to get out more - but what else is one supposed to do during a foul English winter?  The New York Times has a Top 1000 list but I've managed to abstain from that for the time being!  

My taste in movies is extremely varied - I'll watch anything as long as it's decent, including extremely obscure, foreign ones.  And old ones too.  While my friends lust after the likes of Angelina Jolie, I dream of Audrey Hepburn and Ingrid Bergman.  

Talking of lists, I do seem to have a bit of a strange penchant for chasing them and ticking them off...   For example, I've also been making my way through the BBC's Top 100 reads.  It's exposed to many of the classics I might not normally would have read. I also have a list of things I want to do before I die which influences my decisions and choices, especially when it comes to travel.  And I'm a birder and I love ticking off new species on my bird list when I'm out in nature. It was my goal to see over 1000 different species of birds in the world and that pursuit has taken me to mosquito infested rainforests all over the place. 

Wow, your breakup must have been realy awful.  It sounds like you were treated really badly and it must have been a tremendous shock.  It's a real testament to you that you didn't let it beat you and make you cynical and negative - but used it as a catalyst for personal and spiritual growth.

My breakup was tough too but a lot less traumatic than yours.  Ally and I had been together since she was 19 and I was 22.  We had a great relationship for many years and she was a wonderful partner.  However, we drifted apart, especially after coming to Sydney and I was to blame quite a bit for that as I took her for granted.  The decision to split was more hers than mine and it hurt, but I accepted it and didn't fight it.  In retrospect, I should have done more to save the marriage.  Very shortly after the split, she met someone else and they are now engaged and have bought a house together.  Ally and I still talk on the phone every so often and we remain friends.  I'll always love her as we were kindred spirits but in a pure way without any attachments or expectations that she'll ever come back. The Buddhist class I went to had a lot to teach about that kind of love.  It really helped.

I also hardly drink at all, at most a shandy if I go to a pub which is rarely. I don't really like beer that much, when I was much younger I much preferred cider to beer - to my father's immense horror, because in South Africa real men only drink beer. Wine gives me heartburn and I only drink it very occasionally.  I also really don't like noisy pubs at all.  I went to watch the rugby with work mates at a pub last night and in the background, there was never ending thumping music so we all had to shout to be heard and it became really irritating.

Like you, I also love the ocean but I'm not a particulalry huge beach fan either, except to do paddleskiing which I really enjoy. I prefer the forest, river and mountain to the beach, although I absolutely adore rocky coaslines where the ocean pounds onto the shore.  I can watch that for hours and hours.  There is a particular place in South Africa (Storm's River) where this happens and it's my favourite place on earth. I also adore high sea cliffs where you can slide on your tummy and look down at the ocean far below.  The Royal National Park has some cliffs like that and I love it.

Anyway, enough for now.  I'm off to have a barbecue with some friends. Lots of couples and kids, but it should be fun. The kiddies like to throw the ball for Mack and it keeps both them and Mack entertained for hours.

Bye for now

Graeme

Letter to Ivor

Hi there Ivor

Glad I found you!!  I had you down as ivor@nedcor.com and kept getting undeliverables!!

There’s no outrageous news to report – so don’t get too excited…  No lotteries won or kiddies on the way!   But I have been thinking of you and remembering some of the good old times, so I thought I must give you a shout and say hi - and let you know what we’re up to…

I assume by your email address that you are still at Nedcor – hope it’s treating you well.  Hope also that your other half is well – please give her a hug from me.  Is she still teaching?  Last time I spoke to you (seems, oh so long ago!) you were really enjoying your church and doing lots of hiking and camping.  Are you still enjoying lots of great outdoors stuff?  That’s what I miss most here…

Ally and I often think about you guys – and wonder how you are doing.  We miss you a lot.  Especially the great laughs we always had.  The two little waves amplifying into a tidal monster!!!   You are always at the forefront of thoughts of sunny South Africa.

I’m glad to say we are enjoying UK life at the moment.  I’m working for Volvo in Cambridge and we’re loving country life – such a relief to be out of London!  We have a little apartment right next to the botanical gardens with birds coming to our balcony to feed (great tits and blue tits, though only the feathered kinds!) and lots of greenery to look onto.

Ally is still working in London and spending a few nights a week there with her sister, then commuting here the other days, but she has happily resigned and will move up here permanently in a month or so.  There are plenty of jobs up here in her field.

We’ve been accepted into Australia (applied as a bit of a lark and were amazed to get accepted within a year) so the plan is to continue working here till the end of the year, then backpack around South America (my life long dream), then settle down somewhere in Australia and give it a try.   We went to Western Australia in Feb to sign some papers and have a nose around – and really enjoyed it.  I’m still a bit torn between Australia and SA…  Hard decisions…

Ally and I are making the most of our last year here by doing lots of fun things on weekends.  We’ve visited all the nature reserves in the area, and off to Prague at the end of the week, so life is pretty fun.  I’m also traveling a lot on work which I enjoy.  Went to the US and Brazil last year, but this year it’s mostly Europe.

I’ve rekindled some of my old passions too.  My birding is back - I’m on my life quest to see 1000 birds.  I’m languishing at just over 600 and Europe is not a great place to up that much but South America should be a dream come true in the feathered department.  Should be lots of twitching ahead!  I’m also on a quest to see the 250 top IMDB rated movies of all time (see  http://www.imdb.com/top_250_films ) and have taken up geocaching (check out www.geocaching.com – I think you would love it too!!) and rollerblading.  So lots on the go – it’s great to finally have work where it should be, rather than something that’s taking over my life.

Well that’s all our news for now.  As you can see, life has sure improved since my long spell of unemployment.  Great to be on the up again...  It sounded from your email like it was unlikely you would be coming to UK in near future .  If you change your mind, know that you always have a place to stay – we have a spare room here and would so love to have you both to stay!!.  Otherwise we’ll definitely see you as we pass through SA next.  Maybe you guys could come for a holiday in Australia?  You’ll always have a place to stay there too.  Any chance I can find for two little waves to do some amplifying!!!

I hope you guys are well.  We miss you both very much.  Let us know how you are getting on

Letter to Mr Suttle

Mr Suttle taught me Latin through my senior school years.  He taught us Latin translation (using brilliant texts he'd developed himself) and also inspired in me a lasting love of Roman history.  As part of our final year, we had to write 3 extended essays on aspects of Roman history and it gave rise to a level of enthusiasm and creativity in me that surprised and delighted me.  You can read one of them here.

Ray Suttle also taught us how to create and use mind maps as a way to study.  I immediately fell in love with this visual and practical tool and used it extensively in my final school year of study. I also used it at university and have used it often in my career.

Ray was elderly and suffered from gout which made him move very slowly.  Some of the boys called him "Speed Wobble" as a result. In his prime, he was the headmaster of a very reputable private school in Zimbabwe.  He was very highly respected for this leadership and scholarly excellence in the Latin field.  However, by the time he came to St Georges, Latin was rapidly falling out of favour, regarded as a dead language and no longer relevant for the modern age.  In our class, there were only three students who studied it. Everyone else opted for Geography instead.  It was the same story in all the younger classes at St Georges.  I think Ray felt this lack of interest very keenly.

In my final exam at school, I gained a distinction in Latin, thanks to Ray's excellent teaching.  This distinction, coupled with a distinction in Afrikaans, earned me a distinction overall which meant the world to me.

I left school, and went to the University of Cape Town on the slopes of Table Mountain to study 1st year Zoology and Botany. However, on a regular basis, I would return to the vicinity of my old school because I was a member of a youth group in the area.

One night, before going to the youth group, I suddenly felt inspired to write Ray Suttle a letter. It was a thank you note, written quickly on a blank piece of paper, but written from the heart.  I thanked him for his excellent teaching that had earned me my distinction. I told him how much I had enjoyed the classes and that I was finding the Latin really useful in my Zoology and Botany lessons. I also told him how much I benefited by using the mind-maps he had taught us.  

As I drove past the school on my way to youth group, I stopped off at Ray's residence on the boundary of school where he lived with his wife, Mam Suttle, who had been our English teacher.  It was late in the evening and getting dark. I dropped off the letter in his letter box and went on my way.

I forgot about it and 5 or more years went by.

Then one day I received a letter out of the blue.  I cannot remember how the letter got to me; maybe via my mum who bumped into Mam Suttle from time to time.  The letter was from Ray.

In the letter, Ray wrote something along the lines of "I remember that night so well, I heard a scurrying outside the door and went out to see someone disappearing off into the darkness. Then I found the letter.  I have to tell you, in all honesty, no letter has ever effected me more. It came at a time when I was feeling completely demotivated and flat in regards to my teaching profession.  I wondered if it was all worth it.  Your kind, heart-felt words meant everything to me.  They sank very deep. They gave me my mojo back.  They made all the difference in the world.  Thank you, thank you for your letter."

Reading these words moved me to tears. It was, and continues to be, my greatest teaching about the immense power of gratitude expressed from the heart. Inspired by this, I have written many more letters of gratitude over the years.  

Thank you, dear Mr Suttle, for yet another of your priceless lessons.