The Trip

This poem describes a bad experience I had after taking two hash muffins in a coffee shop in Amsterdam.  

The Trip

Two muffins and the puff of a joint.
Amsterdam coffee shops – aren’t they great!
Sitting by the canal - Adam, Kerry, Ally and me
A waitress arrives for orders
“What does she want?” I chunter and glare
Oh, I feel weird.  Oh, so weird.  Woozy, like a dream
Pressure in my head
 “I feel funny Ally”
Adams tries to distract me with numbers
“Ally!  Oh god, I feel bad Ally, I feel bad”
The horribleness comes in waves.  Horrible  Horrible  Horrible
I wrap my arms tight and fidget my legs
Can’t keep still, we walk around
Ally takes me to the hotel, self consciously trying to distract me
Does she know?  Is this a ploy?
What if I fell or yelled or ran or died, would anyone notice? Is anything real?
Back in the room, I say sex might help
My mouth is dry, her’s too and down there also
Hell’s sex with no wetness  - dry to dry
“I’ll be back in a minute” – she’s gone
This is like a dream; except I can’t wake up
A nightmare.
I can’t wake up!
This is hell.  Hell.  This is hell.  Hell
Ally’s back.  “Oh my God, I’ve seen HELL!
“Graeme!”
“No, no - I’ve SEEN HELL!”
Door.  Corridor. In a rush.
When did I die?  Stuck in this.  Horror.  No escape.  What have I done?
“NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO”
Corridor.  Door.  Eternity.
NO ESCAPE
I’M IN HELL
This can’t be happening
I’M IN HELL
 “Graeme!”
HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR HORROR
So this is what we flee from all our days - thinly veiled, lurking beneath: Terror
HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL

UNENDING HELL
Escape.  The window.
End it.  You can’t end it.  Try!  At least try.
“GRAEME!
Pulling.  Shoving.  She’s hanging on.  So sad.  I must.
GRAEME! GRAEME!  GRAEME! GRAEME!
Looking down.  Not high enough.  I can’t end it
“GRAEME!”
Ally and Kerry hanging on
I’m tired.  So tired.  Weird that I am physically tired in Hell
They corner me in.  Holding on.
I’m nude.  Blanket covering me down there.
There’s two others here now – a boy and girl - they talk, gentle talk
Oh, how exhasuting life’ll  be
knowing that Hell lurks beneath
We walk down the stairs
Not enough space to jump
People around.  A movie on TV.  I know the actor and the movie.
But it’s all surreal.
I’m going insane.  Trapped in my mind.  Why me?
Someone else is spacing out
I sleep
I walk round Amsterdam with Adam
I sleep
I wake
Chuckle self consciously
They chatter as if nothing has happened. Ally, Kerry and Adam
“Oh my god, did I try to jump out the window?” I say
An uneasy pause
Then chattering resumes.

Written 2003