| Date | Doing | Well | Spirit | Moment | Spirit notes | Feeling | Feeling |
| 1-Jan | To North Sydney pool with Elna, then Secret Garden. | 7 | 5 | obsessive | Can't get going, take control, obsessive with Facebook, blog. Felt better at pool with Elna. | ||
| 2-Jan | Bought canon camera. Bank for flexisaver. Lydia over for The Still Mind. Srini over for walk and Thai meal. | 7 | 7 | Connected at times. Tears on phone. Love for spider. | tired | Ok, but obsessed re computer. | |
| 3-Jan | 2014 photo highlights. Packed for Tassie. Bought memory card. | 7 | 6 | recovering | Some nice naps. Relaxing. Felt better, more settled. Worried I'd overstepped with naked whatapp photo tho. | ||
| 4-Jan | Flight to Tassie. Shop. Drive to Cradle Mountain. Short Walk with Srini. Steal toilet paper. | 7 | 9 | Feel love and trust during turbulence in plane. | Love and trust during turbulence. | Tired | Very tired, wired at times. |
| 5-Jan | Bus in to Dove Lake. Hike to Marrion's Look out, Ronnies Creek, Lake Lille. Dove Lake Circuit. | 8 | 7 | Swim in bad red underwear. Echidna. | Tired | Tired (ages to fall asleep) but enjoying the amazing scenery. | |
| 6-Jan | Hike up Cradle mountain via Scree Slope. Srini crazy devils. Drive to Lake St Claire. | 8 | 7 | Climb up Crade Mountain, especially views of lakes on way up. | loving nature | Amazing views from mountain, especially early on. | |
| 7-Jan | Hike mount Rufus circuit. Swim in shadow lake. | 8 | 7 | Amazing views. Great leaping shots. Walking thru valley. Shadow Lake "I'm alive!" | loving nature | ||
| 8-Jan | Raining. See The Wall sculpture. Drive to Mt Fields. Berries. Play pool with Srini. Ally letter. | 7 | 6 | mixed | Not feel good in drive, better when arrive. | ||
| 9-Jan | Hike in Mount Fields. Tarn Shelf. From Lake Dobson. Game of scrabble. | 9 | 7 | The amazing Tarn with reflections. | loving nature | So in love with nature. Such beauty. Photo passion. | |
| 10-Jan | Hike up Cathedral Rock and along ridges. Get lost, phone girls. | 8 | 6 | Cathedral Rock ridge in the mist | relieved | Amazing walk, love being high, loving photos of plants with iphone. Panic of getting lost. | |
| 11-Jan | Giant trees walk. Drive to Frecinet, swim on the way. Nice accomodation with twin room. Shop. | 7.5 | 6 | Giant trees at Mount Field | loving nature | ||
| 12-Jan | Hike to Wine Glass. Return via Hazards. Go to get fleece - wrong way down, car lights. | 8 | 6 | loving nature | Great till end of day when get fleece. Panicked. | ||
| 13-Jan | Play Srini music. Cry. Visitors's Centre, then Sleepy Bay to photo amazing orange rocks. Eat out at Fancy cinner. | 8 | 6 | Sleepy Bay - photgrahing rocks | Play Srini music. Cry. | loving nature | In love with amazing rocks. Self conscious at dinner. |
| 14-Jan | Drive to Launceston. Fly home. Write up holiday. Enter into Excel. | 7.5 | 6.5 | elevated | Quite elevated at times as fly home and come home. But connected too. | ||
| 15-Jan | Little bit of AOL, admin. To Chatswood to look at computers. Decide on Apple. Home to look at substitutes for Mindmapping, | 7.5 | 7.5 | Anticipation re Apple Mac Book Pro | Love to music | excited | Excited re computer. Generally good. |
| 16-Jan | Buy Mac Book Pro. Buy cords etc. Go home and set it up. | 8 | 5 | Buy Mac | excited | Elated re Mac, bit obsessed something may go wrong. | |
| 17-Jan | Organise old files, especially photos. Edit photos for Liz & Lauren. | 7.5 | 5 | Hyper, consumer. | obsessed | Excited re computer. Want to buy screen and headphones now!! Hyper, not calm. Agitated later. | |
| 18-Jan | Edited my Cradle Mountain photos. Lots of music, walking too. | 7 | 6.5 | More connected, especially later. | mixed | Quite driven today, feel I must rush my photos. Get to work on AOL. Great later though. | |
| 19-Jan | Bit of AOL. Images for Mount Rufus. Some admin. | 7.5 | 6 | Editing photos on Mac. Flies! | Little more, but mostly not. | mixed | Still excited re Mac. But feel like I need to move on AOL. Bit agitated, solved by meditation. |
| 20-Jan | Bank account consolidation (ok) Mount Fields photos. Lunch with Sue for birthday. | 8 | 6 | Mount Field photos editing | Computer "desire" fog | excited | Excited re computer. Loved editing photos. Excited with speed and editing. Some came out awesome. |
| 21-Jan | Kathmandu to buy hiking gear. To Nic group. | 8 | 6.5 | Buy Kathmandu camping stuff | Computer " desire" fog. Very active mind. Nic group. | excited | Excited re computer. Proud of all feedback re photos - some amazing positive feedback. |
| 22-Jan | Lauren to stay. Edit Mount Field tree photos. Shopping. To Festival with Elna (Limbo) | 7.5 | 5 | Disconnected (no meditation) | good | Motivated, bit hyper at times. | |
| 23-Jan | Drove to Mount Kuz with Srini and Lauren. Camped at Diggings Camps site. Dinner of pizza. | 7.5 | 6 | good | Connected. Good conversations with Lauren. Little bit self conscious later. | ||
| 24-Jan | Hike to summit of Mount Kuz. Pub as heavens opened for drinks, music and dinner. Back to camp site for chilly swim. Sit by fire. | 8.5 | 9 | Mount Kuz walk with flowers, felt love at pub and seeing mist over mountains from camp-site. | Love at pub (amazing music) Wonder looking at mist from river in camp site. | loving nature | Amazing walk, Really felt the photography. |
| 25-Jan | Breakfast at Jindebyne. Main Track hike with Srini and Gavin. Dinner at pub. | 8.5 | 7 | Main Track walk with the wind and offroad. | loving nature | Amazing walk. Elated at times. Anxious later re fact JC and Graeme waited for us for 3 hours. | |
| 26-Jan | Coffee in Jindabyne. Drive home with Srini and Lauren. To Lauren's farewell. | 8 | 7 | connected | To Lauren and Srini. | ||
| 27-Jan | Edit Kuz photos. Mexican takeaway with Lauren. | 8 | 6.5 | great | Loved doing photos. Proud of all amazing comments. Connected. | ||
| 28-Jan | Take Lauren to airport (2 hours). Cry in car. Admin (to dos) Buy Dell monitor. Nic group (all that's blocking me from positive emotion is my resistance to it.) | 7.5 | 7.5 | Letting go to joy (at Nic) | Letting go to joy | excited | Feeling generally very good. Except for jury duty - made me quite anxious at times. |
| 29-Jan | Edited photos for Freycinet. Jilly party and music emails. | 8 | 8 | Joy while walking to Liza | Joy while walking to Liza. | wound up | excited re blog but feel want to finish it to get in order. Loving it all though, especially computer |
| 30-Jan | Edited miscellaneous photos for Tasmania. Shops to buy keyboard and mouse. Cinema with Srini, Elna to watch Birdman. | 8 | 7 | Connected, cry to music in car (ABC classical) | great | Excited to end Tassie photos. Excited re keyboard and mouse. Loved movie. | |
| 31-Jan | Hanging Rock with hiking gang. Home to edit photos till 5 am. | 9 | 8 | Hanging Rock day, all loved it | Cried deeply later to music. Love. | wonder | Loved day. Connected. Excited to share wonder of Hanging Rock. |
| 1-Feb | To Jilly to send out invite. Internet connection hassles. Hanging Rock blog. Cinema: Imitation Game | 7 | 8 | Cried in car, in movie. Feel deeply connected. | frustrated | Tired. Internet hassles frustrating. Enjoyed movie. | |
| 2-Feb | Tax 2014. Work on compass. Dinner with Serena (rained out tennis) | 9 | 7 | Connected | great | Relieved re tax, excited re refund, loving compass, loving computer. | |
| 3-Feb | Email to Mindmanager. Tax panic. To Jilly to help sort out party email. Eckhart Group | 7.5 | 7 | Connected, cry to music. | good | Excited re being organised, getting stuff done. Few heart stopping moments. Bit agitated later but manageable. Little bit of Dani melancholy. | |
| 4-Feb | Compass back to maps. One fits all pivot table (unified month view) To cinema with Sue (A Theory of Everything). Help her with hospital form. To Jilly to pick up screen. | 7 | 7 | On my mind constantly. I'm who she needs me to be." | good | Excited re unified pivot report. Motivated. But agitated later. Also, issue with Serena - always speak about money? Very emotional in movie. | |
| 5-Feb | Admin. To cinema "American Sniper" with Srini, Gavin | 7 | 9 | Love & joy in Newtown (consciousness renting a mind and body for a while) | Love & joy in Newtown (consciousness renting a mind and body for a while) | agitated | ok during day, but agitation grows, quite strong at movies and after. Dani melancholy |
| 6-Feb | Research SA holiday. Lift Srini to Artarmon. Buy roof rack. Go shopping. | 7.5 | 9 | Love and joy and release to music | good | Motivated, especially about compass. Quite agitated later, but ok. | |
| 7-Feb | Back to AOL (loved it) Shopping for music concert. To Jilly's music concert | 8 | 9 | At music concert. HUGE cry to Mozart later. | Massive cry to Mozart. Love. Top of mind. | motivated | Loved AOL. Loved music concert. Limited agitation. Connected. |
| 8-Feb | Compass (True North, quotes) Cleaned out cupboards outside | 9 | 8 | Very connected, top of mind. Compass. | motivated | Loving AOL and compass. Lots of meditation. Excited. Making progress. Manic, tempered by meditation. | |
| 9-Feb | AOL. Lots meditation and music | 8 | 7.5 | Good | motivated | AOL awesome. Compass awesome. Music great. | |
| 10-Feb | AOL. Work on Guiding Principles. To jilly for Eckhart | 8 | 8 | Very connected with Compass. Peace on walk. | motivated | Excited re AOL and Compass and all meditation, music. Amazing till after Eckhart. Then irritation for while. | |
| 11-Feb | Compass (month view) Matt working from home. | 8 | 8 | Connected. Compass. Cry. | amazing | So motivated, excited re compass. But not smothering it. Agitation later quite strong. | |
| 12-Feb | Compass (month and year view) To cinema to watch Selma with Sue. | 9 | 9 | Doing Compass (year view) - tops | Very connected, think about all time, huge cry in movie. | elated | Mega motivated with AOL, compass, life, spirituality, ideas galore. |
| 13-Feb | Compass (Year view) To get kayak from Chris. To shop for weekend. | 9 | 10 | Overwhelming love to music. Love for All. | Overwhelming LOVE to music. Joyful. Connected to consciousness deeply, always aware. | spiritual high | Mega motivated. HUGE cry (Love) to music. Agitated later in day, but excellent management through letting go of psychic tension, especially at shop. |
| 14-Feb | Drive to Kangaroo Valley. Kayak Shoalhaven Gorge. Swim in rain. Shared dinner under talaulin. | 7.5 | 7 | Aware, moments on hill overlooking canyon wall. | pretty good | Stressed getting kayak into river and finding parking. Enjoyed kayak but not elated. | |
| 15-Feb | Long kayak back all on one go. Pie. Drink at pub. Drive back. | 7 | 7.5 | Mantra while kayak in moment. | Very aware on river. Mantra. | good | Tired and irritated kayaking back at times. Also sublime peace doing mantra. Stressed packing car. Dani melancholy later to Moon River. |
| 16-Feb | Very agitated day. Knock garage door with kayak. Dr Cosgrove. Take kayak back to Chris. Mexixan takeaway. | 5 | 4.5 | Disconnected. Angry with my lot. Somewhat detached tho. | depressed | Extremely agitated at times. Elevation re garage door and damage to roof rack. And especially Dr Cosgrove. Dani melancholy. Longing to be in relationship. | |
| 17-Feb | To Cosgrove for script. To Jilly for Eckhart | 7.5 | 9 | Eckhart sublime, back in connection | better | Agitated in morning but then massive cry and much better. Eckhart was sublime. Cried, and shared deeply. | |
| 18-Feb | Msg Chrisel re Tsistsikama. To open air cinema to watch Whiplash. | 7.5 | 8 | Love to music, love for friends. | Very connected. | motivated | Good day with good rituals (day walk in sun, breakfast, admin in 2nd 90 mins. Feeling good, like have some control over real life. |
| 19-Feb | 7 hours work. To Jilly for birthday hug. Write Jilly gratitude letter. Phone Nicola. To Coles. | 8.5 | 8.5 | Write Jilly letter. Love. | Very connected. | loving | Motivated at work. Loving, writing letter to Jilly. Supportive of Nicola, sharing deeply. Off jury duty!!! |
| 20-Feb | Off to buy cake, ended up in Bondi Junction with Chris! | 6.5 | 6.5 | Love to music. For Jilly. For Sue. For all. | Connected, but some irritation. | irritated | Panic and rush with cake. Agitated especially after cake. Ego irritated with ego. Still plenty of space tho, but very uncomfortable. |
| 21-Feb | Write out Jilly letter. Coles. Jilly party. Blog Jilly photos till 3 am. | 7 | 6.5 | so so | self conscious | Enjoyed but self conscious, especially during my appreciation. | |
| 22-Feb | AOL. Blog Jilly photos. To David's birthday at Bondi Pizza Parramatta | 9 | 9 | Love to music. Very aware. | motiavted | Mega motivated with AOL. Very little agitation. Pretty relaxed at dinner, euphoric at times. | |
| 23-Feb | Msg to Chrisel. Trimmed vine in backyard. Spoke to Jo & Sue. To cinema Kingsmen | 7.5 | 10 | Healing for Michael | Healing for Michael. So intense. | good | Good but agitated later. Motivated. |
| 24-Feb | To Jilly Eckhart. Shared re Byron Katie. Amazing spiritual walk. | 7 | 10 | Spiritual walk. Alive bats, trees, water moving. Alert and still. | Spiritual walk. Alive bats, tree, water. Alert stillness. | mixed | Agitated during day with strong penis feeling. Amazing after Eckhart and spiritual walk. |
| 25-Feb | Sex strategy. Enquiry Sabatage thoughts. Research Namibia. Humour. | 6.5 | 7 | Lots of meditation. Connection not so strong. | agitated | Agitated a bit during work, ego very irritated with ego at times, irritation with condition. Improved later. | |
| 26-Feb | Blog: 2015 highlights. Compass: Year View. | 7 | 7 | Meditation galore. | mixed | Motivated in work, especially AOL. Lots of great meditation. Penis feeling and elevation (sex). Much better later, nice walk. | |
| 27-Feb | Compass Year View. To Stenlake in Bondi for dex. Shop at Coles. Do Google custom map for Namibia. | 8 | 8 | Google map for Namibia. | Huge cry to music. Deep calm driving to Bondi. | motivated | Mega motivated. Agitation after 1st session, huge cry. Became very spacious driving to Bondi. Manic later on too much pill. |
| 28-Feb | To Mermaid Falls with 17. Lose some people. To pub. To Liza for dinner. | 4 | 6 | Little. But does help me with hiking. Detached. | elevated | Highly elevated during hike. Lose people. Feel stupid, shame. Agitated and quiet at Liza. | |
| 1-Mar | Reflect on Mermaid Pools. Add to Namibia and Botswana map. | 8.5 | 8 | Chills and subtle joy to music. | Beautiful cry and chills to music. | amazing | Dex slow pilll? Calm with euphoria and fall. Motivated, good despite Mermaid Pool experience. Fingers crossed. |
| 2-Mar | Compass (Assurance, Creating, year view) | 7.5 | 10 | DEEP DEEP insight of this form in a sea of Consciousness. SUCH LOVE. Massive release. | DEEP DEEP insight of this form in a sea of Consciousness. SUCH LOVE. Massive release. | ok ? | Good, but agitation later in day, felt ill walking and very tired. Motivated with Year View. |
| 3-Mar | Home maintenance: front door, high pressure hose. Jilly for Eckhart. | 7 | 6.5 | Share with Craig. Mind taken over what wrote yesterday. | mixed | Amazingly productive on house, motivated. Very tired at Jilly, extrememly agitated later, woke up with overwhelm. Fine with meditation. | |
| 4-Mar | Bunnings with Chris. Apple store with Sue. | 1 | 3 | Irritation with consciousness. Feel totally disconnected, like faint dream. | agony | Awoke with overwhelm, sorted. But returned during day, sometimes absolute agony. Overwhelmed by balcony and house and travel. Maybe slow dex? | |
| 5-Mar | Work on balcony. Major, major stuff up. Garage door too. | 1 | 3 | agony | Stressed during day. | ||
| 6-Mar | People in to give quotes on balcony and shower. Thousands of dollars. Turns out to be Matt's shower. Hugely stressed. Feel better later, then find I have numb feet and limited movement. | 2 | 6 | Connected after feet, to music. | agony | Highly stressed. | |
| 7-Mar | To cinema with Sue: Marigold Hotel 2 | 2 | 5 | Moments of connection. Refuse to curse universe. | severe pain | Bit of a blur. Indecision if I should go to hospital (dex show in urine). Ok at times, in great stress at others. Agony late. | |
| 8-Mar | Hellish indecision. To Woolworths for shopping. | 2 | 9 | Trust and joy in Woolworths. | severe pain | Can't remember, Xanaxed out a lot? | |
| 9-Mar | Severe anxiety in morning in run up to going to emergency. CT scans. Texts in emergency. Kind of high at times - a relief being sorted. | 4.5 | 10 | Joy looking at spiral in ceiling of ward. Use me as your vehicle. | Joy in emergency. Joy looking at spiral in ceiling of ward. Use me as your vehicle. | mixed | Severe anxiety in morning in run up to going to emergency. Kind of high at times - a relief being sorted. |
| 10-Mar | Awful morning. Medication locked in drawer. No phone power. Isolated. Phoned Sue - couldn't get through. Got connected, pills drawer left open, had MRI scan, Srini and Zante visited. Beautiful connection. Felt much better. | 5 | 6 | depressed | Severe pain earlier, disconnected, without dex (locked) Improved a lot | ||
| 11-Mar | Better. Xanax drugged in am. ECG and neurology Dr gave me hope re peripheral nerves able to recover. Elna to visit. | 6.5 | 6 | hopeful | |||
| 12-Mar | Long day, no dr's. Home at 3 pm, pick up Mack. Fetched Chris from Bunnings, nice chat. | 6.5 | 6 | hopeful | Realised may be repetitive stress syndrome ? Keep feet very tense a lot of time. | ||
| 13-Mar | Drive to find tiles. To GP. Watch Sherlock on Stan. | 7 | 8 | Connected. Trust. | hopeful | Upbeat lot of day. Excited re tiles. Nervous before dr. Bit despondent with how weak muscles are. | |
| 14-Mar | Compass (Year View) Blog (hospital visit) Worked on balcony. Srini came round. | 8.5 | 7 | Beautiful cry to music, some love | great | Great, just about all day. Hopeful re leg. | |
| 15-Mar | Bit of balcony work. Admin. Write more spiritual stuff (for Craig) Long chat to Sue. Coles for chicken. To Jilly for dinner and mailing list. | 8 | 8 | Deep cry. Write about letting go of self. Feel it. | great | Strong, connected, good. | |
| 16-Mar | To Dr for blood test. (forgot paper) Shower quote. Cosgrove. Speak to Ally. Deep Love. | 8 | 10 | Love surely the deepest ever? After speaking to Ally. To music. | Deep, deep, deep love after Ally. Reading The Mystery Experience, so that's it! | love | Spiritual love so deep. Sad after Ally. Nervous re Cosgrove. |
| 17-Mar | Profound spiritual experience (Consciousness, use this form.) Get drugs (Forum Pharmacy) To Sue for comfort. Cinema for Ocean Festival. | 7.5 | 10 | "Use this form" DEEP hunger to be filled by consciousness and be a vehicle. "Whatever you want. Whatever it takes." | "Use this form" DEEP hunger to be filled by consciousness and be a vehicle. "Whatever you want. Whatever it takes." | spiritual elation | Profound spiritual experience in morning. Ego came back, but still constant awareness. |
| 18-Mar | Balcony. Take out metal rods. Grinding. Stressed. | 6.5 | 5 | stressed | |||
| 19-Mar | More balcony. In a shambles. Stress!! He doesn't know what he's doing (not flat, sandy, no concrete) Speak to Chrisel. | 3 | 4 | Angry with consciousness. Yet, he did know what he was doing. And legs much better. | agony | Think Alan is a charlatton. Scrub pavers. Awfulise. Phone Jo and disgrace myself. | |
| 20-Mar | Dig out concrete (all day) to later discover probably would have been fine. He did know what he was doing. But to late, took out all cement. To Bunnings. | 4.4 | 4 | Not in touch | driven | Better than yesterday, but pretty dreadful anyway. | |
| 21-Mar | Alan comes and puts in side pavers. Packing. Bunnings. Hellish. | 1.5 | 5 | agony | Day barable, but agony barely away. Agony in evneing packing and at night. | ||
| 22-Mar | Flight to Cape Town. Watch Road, some Wild, Paddington. | 5.5 | 6 | Very conscious. Felt wonder a little when read book. | recovering | At first, not able to even watch a movie. Just spaced out. What I needed, to get away from it all for a while. | |
| 23-Mar | Cape Town. Chill out, such relief to be here. Fetch Matt from hockey. Mum for dinner. | 7.5 | 4 | Pissed off with life. | relief | Such a relief. Balcony is finished after all. | |
| 24-Mar | Cape Town. Blue Route to buy Matt game (Grand Theft Auto) Play game. | 7.5 | 4 | Anger with life, but detached. | connected | Loving spending time with Matt. Quite agitated. Too much dex (9) Chrisel sexual tension. | |
| 25-Mar | Cape Town. Walk block. AOL Galore. Mum chat. GTA with Matt. | 7 | 8 | Huge release to music. Love. | hyper driven | AOL driven. Elevated and excited re Chriel (sexual). Horny. | |
| 26-Mar | Cape Town. AOL galore. GTA with Matt. | 7.5 | 9 | Beautiful music. Love. | good | More relaxed today. Motivated. Beautiful music experience. Bit driven later. | |
| 27-Mar | Cape Town. To mum to get car + lunch. GTA with Matt. | 7 | 7 | Beautiful music. Release. Intense anger later. | mixed | Good earlier. Beautiful music. Calm and loving at lunch. Back with Jo, foot sore and consciousness plummets. Irritated. Doubt. | |
| 28-Mar | Cape Town. Blueroute with Matt, Jo, Ant. Buy lazer. To mum (lazer fun) To MaryAnn for dinner. Plenty of work on humour. | 7 | 4 | lazer - pretend to be sore | Anger with consciousness. Cruel. Want to go back to ego. | mixed | Some great moments, especially fun with Matt. Feet starting to concern me - worse, not better after 3 weeks. |
| 29-Mar | Cape Town. GTA with Matt. Wilga and Norman for dinner. | 7 | 3 | Blah. Disconnected. Moments of anger (feet?) | so so | Not very motivated. Mild lythargy - unmotivated, not in control. | |
| 30-Mar | Cape Town. At home all day. Admin day. Spoke to Chrisel. Add lots of exercise music. | 7 | 7 | Great cry, especially later. Feel much more reconnected. Read compass. | so so | Good speaking to Chrisel. Longing for relationship. Chris issue with photos - massive gratitiude that he cleaned the front yard. | |
| 31-Mar | Cape Town. To mum with Matt. Shop for shoes. Steak and chips. Apple store with mum. Work on compass (insights) | 7.5 | 8 | More connected but not much meditation. Insights. | good | Better today. Motivated. Calmer. | |
| 1-Apr | Cape Town. Lots of Compass (expense and cash flow) Ant's family - nice salad lunch. | 8 | 8 | Love, joy, release to music. | good | Motivated. Beautiful music. Calm. | |
| 2-Apr | Cape Town. To dentist. Then to Marcela for physio. To mum to set up computer (email especially) Overnight at mum's. | 7.5 | 6,5 | ok | driven | Enjoyed setting up mum's computer. Eager to please. Overstimulated, hard to sleep. | |
| 3-Apr | Cape Town. Finish setting up computer for mum. Club house for fried hake. To Jo's for braai with Boting clan. | 8.5 | 10 | Getting mum's computer set up (printer, scanner, email) | Love at lunch. Cry deeply to music. | great | Passion doing the computer. Moments of Love. Connected to mum. |
| 4-Apr | Cape Town. Wake early to support Ant's run. Fun with Matt (BB gun duels, walk with M&S, serial killer) Lightroom photos. Cattle Baron with Botings. | 7.5 | 7 | Fun with Matt | connected | Lovely fun with Matt. Tired and agitated at times, but overall good. | |
| 5-Apr | Cape Town. Easter egg hunt. Speak to Sue. Boting family and mum over for lunch. Enail for Jilly. Then to restaurant Fercuchio for amazing salad. Brainstorm hiking. | 8 | 8 | Hiding Easter eggs. Hide in car, then hide car keys. | Connected. Very conscious of consciousness. | connected | Feel good today, excited hiding eggs, virtuous washing up, connected and also funny at times. Foot feeling good. |
| 6-Apr | Cape Town. Shopping for hike with Antony and Jo. To mum for night. Help her with computer. Speak briefy to Jilly. | 7.5 | 8.5 | Feel connected at mum's especially at club house looking at mountain. | mostly good | Bit stressed at times with shopping. Connected at mum, feel the presence. | |
| 7-Apr | Cape Town. Day of stress. To mum, lunch at Woodside, shopping for ankle straps. Go fetch Chrisel at airport. | 4 | 5 | lowish | anxious | Anxious, stressed to get all done before Chrisel arrives. Left shower to last minute. | |
| 8-Apr | Garden Route. Drive to Nature's Valley to Piet and Ronnel. Drive to station to see Graeme (ranger). 4 km walk with Chrisel to hut. | 8 | 7 | Talking to Chrisel in car on drive to Nature's Valley. | good | Wonderful to be with Chrisel, pretty comfortable. | |
| 9-Apr | Garden Route .Walk up hill to wonderful view. Feet fine! Walk to amazing hut with perfect view. Chrisel a bit distant, self conscious. Walking is fine! Swim in pool at 2nd hut. Chrisel cossie view (wow). | 7 | 6 | View of lagoon from hill. Feet ok!! Swim in river at 2nd hut. | good | Great, excited re feet, self conscious with Chrisel. | |
| 10-Apr | Garden Route.Walk down to car. Fetch my car and drive to petropoort. Mug n Bean. Walk up to hut. Swim in river under waterfall (climb down). | 7.5 | 7 | Swim after little climb down. | Meditate. | great | Self conscious but bit better |
| 11-Apr | Garden Route. Walk back to petropoort. Drive to Storms River. Walk Otter to waterfall for amazing swim. Eat at restaurant and talk spirituality. | 9 | 8 | Swim in waterfall at Storms River | Waterfall swim, beauty of nature | amazing | Connected to Chrisel and nature |
| 12-Apr | Garden Route.Drive to PE. Visit Doo Doo, Nicky, Ryan. Drive to Addo. Listen to music, massive cry. To shops for salad. Talk re spiritual stuff. | 7 | 8 | connected | Connected to Chrisel, in love with Chrisel | ||
| 13-Apr | Garden Route. Addo Elephant park. Amazing views of elephants. To restaurant for piza and wine. Talk about speaking your truth and get very serious. Get Chrisel to log moments of joy. | 7 | 10 | good | Connected, in love with Chrisel | ||
| 14-Apr | Garden Route. Drive to MosselBay. CD's in car. Amazing Georgian Backpackers. Braai with Barnacle and German ladies. Eat in candlelight, lovely chat with Chrisel by fire. | 7.5 | 9 | Chat with Chrisel in candlelight at Geoergian backpackers | awesome | ||
| 15-Apr | Garden Route. Drive back to Cape Town. Stop at amazing place for vetkoek. Drive via Betties Bay and walk in Harold Porter Botanical Gardens. | 8 | 10 | Drive along coast from Betties Bay. | Amazing meditaion in tree. Realise I'm dreamer of character. | good | |
| 16-Apr | Cape Town. To Kirstenbosch to tree climb. Lovely red cappo at top restaurant. Mum to dinner. | 6.5 | 8 | Photo sunbird in Kirstenbosch. | Amazing cry in morning. | good | |
| 17-Apr | Cape Town. Work on photos. To Somerset West. To Franschoek to vist Chrisel's Tannie Mia for cake (eventually). Home for Chinese takeaway | 6 | 6.5 | Great cry. | self conscious | Very self conscious with Tannie Mia. But ok. | |
| 18-Apr | Cape Town. Up Lion's Head with Antony, Matt, Chrisel. Beach crawl to Clifton, Camps Bay, Hout Bay. To Sam's party. | 7 | 5 | Lion's Head walk. | Totally sucked up in little self. | self conscious | Chrisel has little blow up in car which dampens day. But generally good, fun day. |
| 19-Apr | Cape Town. To Brass Bell for lunch with family. Then to Boulders Beach for swim. | 7 | 8 | Penguin out of water - wonder. | Wonder of penguin, and mother and child. | good | Less self conscious, more centred. |
| 20-Apr | Cape Town. Up Skeleton Gorge with Chrisel. Mug n Bean for nice meal. Shop. To Jo's - mum for dinner. Ipad videos with Matt. | 6 | 6 | There, but not stong. | insighted | Good earlier, self conscious of Chrisel not enjoyong hike. She blows up at me for giving her silent treatment. Eureka, share feelings!! | |
| 21-Apr | Cape Town. To Hermanus. Wine route (Winehaven, Spookfontein.) Cliff walk. Seafood lunch. Road to Caledon. | 7 | 5 | Lowish | self conscious | Great day, loved wine routes, good on whole but extremely self conscious at lunch. Emotional after with dad. | |
| 22-Apr | Cape Town. Cape Point. Shopping and car wash. Packing and gift. To mum's for dinner (lamb) | 7.5 | 6 | Chat on way home re depression. | Lowish, Cape Point views | connected | Better depsite big hiccup with Chrisel re karma and kid. |
| 23-Apr | Baz bus. Lift from mum to Pinelands. Drive to Jeffreys Bay on Baz Bus. Arrive late to terrible service at Hard Rock. Walk to beach in dark. Drink wine, and hear about drug deal from English lady. | 7 | 8 | Love in bus to music on way to Somerset West. | good | ||
| 24-Apr | Baz bus. Jeffreys Bay. Move to Island Vibe. Walk to town and separate. Swim by self. To mall to buy memory card. Taxi guy. To dinner (chicken) where meet Chris and Norway girl. Sick with a cold. Back to room where Chrisel bubbly again. Discover Chrisel suffers from big mood swings. No wonder I'm struggling! | 5 | anxious | ||||
| 25-Apr | Baz bus. Jeffreys Bay. To breakfast for veggie juice. Very uneasy. Walk to hostel while Chrisel walks. Read. Long walk along beach. At bar with Chrisel where good again. Baz bus to PE. Hostel booking problem. Dorm. Girl gets up at 4 to pack. | 5 | 7 | Music. Children dancing. People walking past at hostel. | anxious | ||
| 26-Apr | Baz bus to Buccaneers. Long walk along beach past rivers with shells. Volleyball with corporate team. Buccaneers Chicken green curry meal. Wine and Ammarulla with Meggan and American girl. | 7 | 9 | Long walk along Cinsa beach with shells and rivers. | Spirit notes: in bus to music. Joy. Meditation before bar looking out from balcony. | great | |
| 27-Apr | Baz bus. Buckaneers. To breakfast with amazing views. Phone around - Coffee Bay or Port St Johns? Meditate, joy, birds come to me. Walk along beach with Chrisel down right side. More meditation. amazing swim floating on my back. To pizza restaurant. Volleyball. To dinner. To pub for nice chat with newly weds (Javed and Kate) | 7 | 9 | Cinsa, swim, floating on my back in waves. | Meditate on balcony, birds. Swim. Walk along ocean. | semi good | |
| 28-Apr | Baz bus. Buccaneers. Paddling along river with Chrisel. Fish eagle, kingfishers. Walk along beach. Snuck into Prana Lodge. Amazing swim. Back for Volleyball. Dinner Indian. To bar for drinking game. Red wine and Tequila. | 9 | 9 | Face to sun feeling pure love. Paddling along river. Tequila with Chrisel. Chrisel sings me TV songs. | Face to sun feeling pure love. | good | |
| 29-Apr | Paddle along river at Buccaneers. Fish eagle, crested eagle. Shuttle to Hogsback with Dan - history lesson. Walk around town. Chill out at bar with fire. Amazing pizza. | 7 | 8 | See crested eagle and fish eagle while paddling. | Paddling on Cinsa river. | good | |
| 30-Apr | Baz bus. Hike in Hogsback into valley, to waterfalls. Cliff walk. Amazing meditation. Pizza and wine in bar by fire. Chrisel and I sitting close. | 7 | 9 | I excel in navigation in hike. Chrisel and I sitting close at fire in Hogsback. | Meditate in bath overlooking valley at Hogsback. Took time lapse. | good | |
| 1-May | Baz bus. Epic travel day. Taxi to East London. Swim at beach. Baz bus to Umtata. African taxi experience to Port St Johns Jungle Monkey. Lamb chops. Chrisel and I have "thin skin" chat. | 5.5 | 6 | African taxi experience | anxious | ||
| 2-May | Baz bus. Port St Johns. Go for hike with Buntu. To gap and blowhole and 3rd beach. Giant kingfisher. Trip with Mike, owner, to the cliff. | 6 | 5 | Driving over the cliff!! | semi anxious | ||
| 3-May | Hike to The Lighthouse. Baz bus. Travel to Southern Drakensberg. African taxi to Umtatha. Baz bus to Kokstad. Taxi to Sani pass. | 7 | 6 | Happy when shuttle arrived. Sitting on grass at Umtatha Shell, double thick milk shake, amazing muffins, with other backpackers. | ok | ||
| 4-May | Baz bus. Hike from Sani Lodge in Southern Drakensberg. Gxalingenwa hike 5 hours. Short cut through hotel. Sublime hike. | 8 | 7 | Leap into icy cold rock poo in Sani Passl. Lying on grass in setting sun with Chrisel. | wonder | ||
| 5-May | Baz bus. Shuttle to Pietermaritzberg. Shop for Potjie at Spar. Baz bus to The Amphitheatre. Walk through grassland. Make Potjie. | 6 | 6 | ||||
| 6-May | Baz bus. Amphitheatre backpackers. Hike to Tugela Falls. Dinner (pork belly.). We discuss best and worst moments at dinner. | 9 | 6 | Tugela Falls hike. Jump in water at top of falls. - freezing!! | |||
| 7-May | Baz bus. Go for walk in grassland by river. Baz bus to Joberg. Meet family and dogs and have dinner (vegie pasta). | 7.5 | 8 | Reflection and music in bus. | |||
| 8-May | Joberg. Late get up in dark room. Download photos. To Mug n Bean for wrap. To mall to see power banks and fleeces. Fetch Christopher from water polo. Play Lazer Tag and come 2nd. To Spur (ribs and onion ribs, pecan nut Sunday). To cinema: The Avengers 2. | 6.5 | 8 | Feeling some love in interactions. | |||
| 9-May | Joberg. Watch Christopher play football, taking photos. Shop for utopia. Sushi. Sit outside at dusk. Indian takeaway dinner. Talk to Kevin re spirituality. | 6 | 7 | ||||
| 10-May | Joberg. Helped with greenhouse and finished it. Andreas and Monica came for amazing braai. | 8 | 6 | Fun and laughter with Chrisel's family braai | |||
| 11-May | Joberg. Drive to Utopia via Hartepoort Dam. Chameleon village, buy presents for Kevin and Esle. Buy jam and wood. Go for walk along river. Make Potjie Kos. | 6.5 | 5 | ||||
| 12-May | Joberg. Fruit salad and toast breakfast. Walk into Mountain Sanctuary over fence. Amazing red rock canyon. Clean up. Drive home. To Christafa's play about Walt Disney. | 6 | 5 | Red rocks in Mountain Santuary | |||
| 13-May | Book taxi. Take photos of farm. To airport. Fly to Cape Town. Dinner with family, | 7 | 7 | Cry In plane. Love. | |||
| 14-May | Waffles (Tashas) with Matt. Buy Jo gift (foot massage). To buy lens with Jo. Mum & Mike for dinner. | 7 | 5 | motivated | Self conscious in conversation but relief to be back. Feeling effects of anxiety of time away with Chrisel. Excited to start conversation effort. | ||
| 15-May | Work on photos from trip. Watch Matt play hockey. To dinner with Jo, Ant, MaryAnne, John, Sean etc. | 6 | 5 | self conscious | Sef conscious. Disconnected. Unpresent. Anxious. | ||
| 16-May | Jo's card and birthday present opening. To mum, then to Sam's hockey. To istore to buy Mac for Jo. Set up Mac. To Cattle Baron for dinner. | 7.5 | 6 | Set up Jo's Mac - icons. | better | More in control, more settled. Loving setting up Jo's Mac. In love with Apple! | |
| 17-May | Edit my holiday photos. Set up computer for Matt. Work on Chrisel reflections. | 7.5 | 5 | Matt's excitement re his Mac account. | good | Excited re Mac and setting it up for Matt. | |
| 18-May | Edit my photos. Show Jo how to use Mac computer. More coputer set up. Learn to rename photos in Lightroom. | 6.5 | 4 | so, so | Tired. A bit fearful. Worried what people (Antony, body corporate) think. | ||
| 19-May | Shop for food. Cook for family (lamb caserole on slow cooker). Download Wunderlist. Movie quiz with Matt | 8 | 6 | Cooking for family and them loving it. | excited | Loving cooking for family. More confident. Excited re compass and computer. | |
| 20-May | Set up Wunderlist and Evernote. Photo editing on Jo's computer. | 9 | 6 | Setting up Wunderlist & Evernote. | excited | So so excited re Wunderlist. | |
| 21-May | To mum. Work on Wunderlist. To dinne at The Barn with mum and Mike. | 8 | 5 | Evernote | addicted | Excited but taing toll (driven, addicted, tired) | |
| 22-May | At mum. Work on Todolist (migrating over). Blog Tsitsikama Hiking. | 8 | 6 | Todoist | in control | Very excited, bit more manageable. Not giving family much attention though. Feeling in control. | |
| 23-May | To breakfast at Woodside. Some work. Home with Mike. To Jo and Steve for piza dinner. Watch The IT Crowd. | 7.5 | 5 | good | pretty good, bit tired though because not enough sleep. Good at Jo, confident in conversation. | ||
| 24-May | To Rhodes Mem with Jo and Ant. Fun with Matt (app inventions). Watch IT Crowd. | 7.5 | 5.5 | Evernote, fun with Matt (apps) | No crying, no love, but listened to Tim Freke | good | still very excited, feeling more confident, more connected to family and Antony too. |
| 25-May | Train Jo on Lightroom & Evernote. Work on Compass (home.) To Cattle Baron with family (my treat). Watch IT crowd. | 7 | 7 | Cry to music hard | good | excited, but wearing off a bit. Stressed with family dinner, irritated with mum at times. | |
| 26-May | Migrate evernote. Set up Jo on Spotify. | 6.5 | 9 | Get Spotify working on Jo's iPad with VPN. | Huge cry later. Chills to music. Love. | so, so | Ok, but later sadness about leaving. Big cry. Anxious about going back and strong melancholy late. |
| 27-May | To Tokai forest with Jo for photography. Wow her with Lightroom. Watch Matt play hockey, beating Rondebosh 4 nil. Shopping to buy gifts for Matt and Sam (R450 itunes voucher) & Ant (wine.) | 8.5 | 8 | Photography outing in Tokai with Jo & her excitement with Lightroom. | Cry when see clouds after shopping. At pick n Pay, sense of alertness and intelligence without thought. | great | Connected, love for Jo, sharing our photgraphy passion. She sees beauty too! |
| 28-May | Breakfast at Tashas with Heather. Wine farm for platter with mum and Mike. To mum for night. Start reconnecting on Facebook. | 7 | 6 | so, so | Tired. No more late nights! But ok. | ||
| 29-May | Work, blogging. Lunch at woodside with mum (fish & chips). Back to Jo for dinner & help with Lightroom. | 7.5 | 7 | Connected with music late. | good | More settled and calmer. More space. Pretty good. | |
| 30-May | With Jo to Kalk Bay to phone big waves. Dinner at mum (gammon). | 7.5 | 7 | Photograph Kalk Bay with Jo. | Read some compass | good | Quite tired at times but connected to family and Jo. |
| 31-May | Antony and Matt take me to airport. Fly home to Sydney. Work on Moments (Compass) at airport. Watched Hobbit 3. | 6.5 | 6 | anxious | Ok, bit sad and anxious re Sydney (balcony, get date wrong with Liza) | ||
| 1-Jun | Arrive home and all good. Dinner with Matt and Shamista (salty cous cous. Clean up room. Wake at 3 am wired. | 7 | 7 | Balcony ok!! | Music. Cry. | relief | All ok at home! |
| 2-Jun | Reunited with Mack. Excited re Filemaker and iPad. To Jily for Eckhart. | 8 | 7 | Filemaker. Discover iPad (Kindle) | Eckhart good, altho tired. | excited | Very excited to be back, re ipad and Filemaker etc. And compass. Agitation later and very tired, |
| 3-Jun | Lots of clearing up in room. Vivid with Sue. | 7.5 | 7 | Getting closer. Aware. | hopeful | Loving my to do list app. Feeling in control. | |
| 4-Jun | Lots of admin stuff. Lydia "Booked up sign." Lots of naps. | 8 | 8 | The effects of a nap. | Love and cry to music. And on walk. | hopeful | So much better when let go while working, allow inspiration to come without churning. |
| 5-Jun | Week review, Blogging. Re-arrange my room. To Jilly to change lightbulb & dinner. | 7.5 | 8 | Re-arrange my room. | Thank you for inspiration. | excited | Re-arranging my room. |
| 6-Jun | Lots of work on finances. To cinema "Mad Max" Puppy Millie arrives. | 8.5 | 8 | Feeling close, inspiration. | excited | Loving Compass. Feeling in control. | |
| 7-Jun | Collaroy to Manly walk. Saw Chris (leader of Snowy Mount walk). | 7.5 | 8 | Photography at pool, feeling it. | Connected on walk | good | Bit self conscious on walk, bit hyper from reading in bus, and talking to people. Happy feet were good in hike. |
| 8-Jun | Blogging. Sleeping. Shopping at Woolworths. | 7.5 | 6 | tired | Jet lag catching up. Motvated though. | ||
| 9-Jun | Help Chris get lader from his place. Cook lamb stew and take it for Chris and Jilly. Do Sue' s award board. Thank you letter for mum. | 7.5 | 7.5 | Relaxed stories at Jilly with Amie & co. | Connected, highly aware, Eckhart | good | Motivated and excited still, losing momentum slightly. Wisdom Trove good. Self conscious at Jilly, then really relax. Enjoyed making dinner. |
| 10-Jun | Help Sue with computer. | 7 | 8 | Connected | tired | really struggle to work earlier. Good at Sue. | |
| 11-Jun | Cleaned back coutyard. Installed Netflix. | 8.5 | 8.5 | Got Netflix working. Look after Milly. | Very connected. Trust Consciousness to create and "think" through me. Inspiration. Feel it on walk. | tired, then excited | Tired, then very excited re Netflix. |
| 12-Jun | Big scare with Millie falling off stairs. Vet. Jilly to drop off magazine. Cosgrove. Help Chris with ladder. Srini over, then to cinema to watch Ex Machina. | 7.5 | 7 | Ex Machina. Told Milly is ok. | Feel connected | strung but good | Huge shock with Milly, rode the relief of it, bit hyper |
| 13-Jun | Clean back and front yards. Blog Hogsback. | 6 | 6 | Irritation with my lot. | agitated | Really agitated, really quickly, seriously considering off dex. | |
| 14-Jun | Lose car keys. Taxi to Brendan and Eva for lunch and many stories. | 7 | 7.5 | Telling amazing stories to Brendan and Eva. | Very connected in music. Mega-cry | connected | Agitated and stressed at times. But on high from sharing stories with Brendan and Eva.Excited re Wisdom Trove again. |
| 15-Jun | Worked on AOL, evernote, researched internet. | 7.5 | 7 | Amazing music, massive cry. | more settled | Much less agitation. Able to work more. Pretty good. Due to 9 hours sleep? | |
| 16-Jun | Found my car key. Phoned James - no pay. To Jilly for Eckhart. Met Nicole. | 9 | 8.5 | Found my car key. Found I don't need to pay for painting from James. | Very connectd at times, especially with Eckhart. | happy | Agitation low. Excited re key, and iPad and Evernote. Coonected at Jilly. |
| 17-Jun | Blog Port St Johns. Help Sue to empty her cupboards and study bed. Migrate Heather writing to Evernote. | 8.5 | 8.5 | Sue's gratitude for my help with her room. | Very connected. Love. Service. | wonderful | Connected. In control. Making real impact. Helping others (Sue and Heather). |
| 18-Jun | Worked on Compass Week View. | 9 | 8.5 | Compass Week View - amazing perspective. | Love to music. | wonderful | In control. Excited re Compass. Inspired. |
| 19-Jun | Very little sleep. Woolworths shopping. Cooking in the zone, methodical and listening to music. Srini and Elna for dinner (chicken soup). Home with Srini to get Game of Thrones and iPad mini. | 8.5 | 8 | Cooking chicken soup, really feeling love and peace. | Love. Inspiration with cooking. Big cry to music in car. | inspired, peaceful | Inspired with cooking. Very little agitation. Tired with little sleep. |
| 20-Jun | Shopping for USB hub. Bought speakers. Liz's party at Casta Ristorante. | 7 | 9 | Connected. Started The First and Last Freedom. Massive cry and love late at night. | bit hyper, ok though | Liz's party was a strain, I was sucked into form. | |
| 21-Jun | Almost no sleep. Get Import IO scraper working. Set up Srini ipad. Srini over for dinner and Game of Thrones E2&3. | 8.5 | 8 | Get Import IO working. Scraping whole Just One Liners site! | Very connected. Not much meditation though. | bone tired | Extremely tired, very little sleep, but excited. |
| 22-Jun | Bunnings to buy paint etc. Jilly to test new HDMI cable, fix fridge, lightbulbs. | 7.5 | 10 | 100,000 humour quotes. | Feeling extememely connected, then an extraordinary vision of the sun rising over mountain on bedroom wall. So REAL. Not asleep. Eyes wide open. Wrote it down. NOT a dream. | tired, connected | Very tired, but motivated, excited, spritually connected. Excited re home painting. |
| 23-Jun | Add Heather's writing to iPad. Bi weekly review Jilly for Eckhart. | 7 | 9 | Massive love to music early, watching clouds from window. Caught up in form later, irritation with Evernote. | tired | tired, irritated with Evernote, excited | |
| 24-Jun | Investigate wireframing for Lydia "Still Mind site." Help Sue clear out loads of papers. Indian meal made by Shamista. | 7.5 | 7.5 | Connected, bit less so. | connected | tired, connected to Sue and housemates | |
| 25-Jun | Compass graph points. Lydia site prototype. | 8.5 | 7.5 | Prototype for Lydia. | Connected | excited | exited re prototype, tired, irritated at times with computer. |
| 26-Jun | Research carpet repair. Walk Mack to Liza. To Isira in Dee Why with Chris and Jilly. | 7.5 | 8 | Isira | Love at Isira (also craving to impress). Peace on walk. | good | Engaged, connected later, at peace on walk. |
| 27-Jun | Bunnings. Lydia over for The Still Mind. Discover tiles behind bathroom vanity. Thai takeaway with Matt and Shamista. | 8.5 | 10 | Discover tiles behind bathroom vanity. Paver sealer wet look. | Connected. Spiritual discussion with Matt. Joy in car to Bunnings. Huge love to music. "Use this form." | amazing | Excited re DIY. Connected with Lydia. And Matt and Shamista later. |
| 28-Jun | Leura to Katoomba Walk with Sydney Explorers and Srini. Home to pumping fast Internet. | 7 | 8 | Fast Internet with Gateway Max. | Love in car on way to Blue mountains, then pulled out of Consciousness quite a bit. | tired | Tired and obsessed with having a girlfriend. Uneasy with girl on hike. Not suitable, but … |
| 29-Jun | To Reece to look at vanties. To Harvey Norman. Started my bathroom (took out mirrors, towel railing etc.) Looked at Dani Facebook page and saw boyfriend. | 8 | 7.5 | Excitement about home DIY. Anticipation. | Very aware, settled, lots of thanks. | excited | More peaceful, letting go, excited re DIY. |
| 30-Jun | Clear my room and start sanding. Jilly for Eckhart. Very mindful walk. | 7 | 9 | Very connected. Use this form. Vast love. | peaceful | Melancholic earlier, tough at times, replaced by lovely peace later. | |
| 1-Jul | Sand my room. Take out shower. Joy on my walk. Joberg and Utopia blogging. | 8.5 | 9 | Rip out shower railing. Joy on walk. | Release in meditation. On walk, feeling sad; then said; "there's nothing keeping me from joy." And joy flowed through, under the light of the full moon. | peaceful | Wonderful letting go, conscious of not grasping. Some melancholy re Dani and reln. So excited re DIY. |
| 2-Jul | Cleaned up my room. Started undercoat on cupboards and windows. Fetched Chris's ladder. | 7.5 | 6.5 | Some good connection, but great irrition with mind later. | irritated | Excited, great at times, but big irritation with mind and self later. | |
| 3-Jul | Ostar and Bunnings for vanity research. | 7 | 6.5 | Some connected times in car. Lost it a bit though. | hurry | Car journey stressful (GPS, funny way). On edge shopping. Good once got back. Dani melancholy. | |
| 4-Jul | Srini over to help me paint my room. To Thai restaurant for duck curry. Heart to heart friendship chat with Srini. | 8.5 | 10 | Walls painted in my room - looking good. | Very connected today, doing my photos especially. Later, feel an IMMENSE love for Consciousness, the source of Inspiration. | letting go | Really letting go today (start of radical letting go). Feels amazing. This is the way. |
| 5-Jul | Painted my room. Migrated Month to Moments for Compass. | 7.5 | 7.5 | Very connected early. Later, very in my mind, full of judgements and petty thoughts. Photo eyes. | hurried | Excited, but rushed and irritated with self several times. | |
| 6-Jul | Laminate quote. Sand primer in my room. Shop for groceries. Chop up veg. | 8 | 7 | Connected. Letting go, more peaceful. | peaceful | Letting go powerful at times, more peaceful. | |
| 7-Jul | Paint ceiling. Extrordnary exposion of love for Consciousness. Use this form. Resist impulse to rush and instead put full attention on each activity. Sublime. Make soup for Jilly, Chris, Craig. Eckhart Group. Profound love and peace during Eckhart meditation. | 10 | 10 | Lying on sofa downstairs, I feel an IMMENSE love for Consciousness deeper than any love ever felt. Immense hunger to use this form, what you intend. Then cook, mindfully, letting go of urge to rush and experience the true meaning of mindful doing. | spiritual elation | Peaceful, revelation of power of attention in moment, resisting rush urge. So, so connected to Consciousness. Tired at times. | |
| 8-Jul | Paint ceiling in my room. Amazing spiritual experiences. Most mindful walk ever. Matt cooks my chicken (yum). | 8 | 10 | Moments of blissful mindfulness painting ceiling, in love with ladder, paintbrush, paint. Joy in clouds sitting on my balcony, changing shape. Joy in croaking of frogs on most mindful walk of my life so far. | spiritual elation | Very tired at times. But extremely spiritual day and some amazing experiences of mindfulness. Amazing insights too. | |
| 9-Jul | Work on Compass. Painted walls in my room. Frustrating, lots of thoughts, rushing. Grrrr. | 6.5 | 6.5 | Very conscious of it, but not feeling it. | frustrated | Very in head, obsessive thoughts and fantasies re Chrisel. | |
| 10-Jul | Liza gives me advice on house. She knew about the puppy. To restaurant for meal (Jagos). To cinema (Terminator Genisys). | 7 | 8.5 | Very connected, lots of mindfulness, practicing labeling voices with names (Mr Spiritual Hero.) Huge release in movie. Love for Liza. | agitated but mindful | zyprexa withdrawals. Extremely tired, struggling, but also very mindful with new technieque. | |
| 11-Jul | Put up deck chair. Sue to help sort papers (2nd round) with soup. Vivid photos on blog. | 6 | 8.5 | Lie in sun on my new deck chair. | Very connected, service to Sue. Hungry to be a space, get rid of voices. | super tired | zyprexa withdrawals. Extremely tired, struggling, but also very mindful with new technieque. |
| 12-Jul | Hiked from Manly Dam to Manly. Sign on way home: 'Here. Now." Miraculous timing. Came home to experience true mindful photo editing with Manly Dam photos. | 9 | 10 | Photography on Manly Dam walk, really feeling it, especially with birds and bark. Then mindful photo editing. | See sign "Here. Now" as I realise that's what I must do. Miraculous timing. Mindful photo editing, most inspired phot editing ever. Cry in middle of night in love. | spiritual ecstacy, energy blocked | Peaceful, connected, spiritual - but also very blocked and agitated at times. Difficult to release. |
| 13-Jul | Finish Manly Dam photos. Rest of day pretty much right off with severe zyprexa withdrawals. Yuk! Watched Crank. | 5 | 8 | Connected. Lose bit with craving for appreciation for photos. Speak hearfeltedly to Consciousness during walk. Cry and love to music. | severe agitation | Zyprexa withdrawals. Horrible. Worried about feet - very hot and tight. Effected by walking? Tough day. | |
| 14-Jul | Tough day, doing very little. Clean up my room. Listen to music and cry. Jilly Eckhart where feel much better. Watch Headhunters. | 4 | 8 | Connected, during music and Eckhart. Love. | depression | Tough day, fatigue, agitation, inability to concentrate, unmotivated. Better at Jilly. | |
| 15-Jul | Feel a lot better today. Paint my skirting boards and retouch ceiling. Watch The Tunnel | 7 | 8 | Some deep love to music. Prayer (gratitude). Very aware. | hopeful | Feeling better. More motivated. Able to do some DIY and computer work. Also some deep, deep melancholy and sex obsession. | |
| 16-Jul | Review finances (only $4200 dividend.) Review quarter. 2015 Blog highlights so far. Compass home page well being dashboard. | 8 | 9 | Pure melancholy, but feel very close to Consciousness through it. Watch clouds float by window, so beautiful. | good | Much, much better, able to work long hours. Some pure crying to music. Deep sadness, but catharctic. | |
| 17-Jul | Worked on DIY budget. Facebooked Drakensberg photos. | 8 | 8 | Love to music. | good | Motivated, able to do some concerted thinking. | |
| 18-Jul | Emailed bathroom questions to Megaseal and Resurfacing company. Spoke to Roger. Went to cinema for Amy. Huge emotional catharsis. To Sue with soup. | 8 | 10 | Amy and the spiritual insight and emotional catharsis it brought. | So close after Amy with immense spiritual insights about Consciousness creating art with life. | ok to great | Obsessing re scarcity first thing. Then did emails and felt better. Huge emotional catharis after Amy, leaving me so peaceful. |
| 19-Jul | Worked on Compass and Wisdom Trove. Cleaned room a bit. Went to photographic Meet Up across bridge and down Cahill Freeway. Then coffee and food. Home to speak to Russell, mum, Jo. Sent email to Chrisel with photos for blog. | 10 | 10 | Photographing the Harbour Bridge with Meet Up group, seeing so much beauty in little things, reflections, rust, shadows. Inspired to be with fellow "wonderists." | So connected on photo walk across bridge, laughing at the inspiration and joy and beauty of it. Such love to music later too. | elated | Loved the day so much, the isnpiration of photo outing, connecting to Russell and Jo and mum. Chrisel email. |
| 20-Jul | Completed Wisdom Trove migration. Spiritual revelation on balcony to swirling clouds (I am Consciousness). Write. Bunnings - buy plants. Painting very late. | 9 | 10 | Spiritual revelation on balcony to swirling clouds. I am Consciousness. This form is simply a lens through which I experience the world of form to create a masterpiece of art. Literally feel like a woke up for a while. | spiritual elation | Amazing. Spiritual connection so deep. Get lost in mindframes later in night. | |
| 21-Jul | DIY in room (paint cupboards and balcony door in enamel). To Jilly for Eckhart. | 7.5 | 8.5 | Extraordinary love to music. Huge release. Use this form. Doing my mantra every morning. Joy. Great at Eckhart. | in mind | Deeper into mind as day went on. Became very tired. But good. | |
| 22-Jul | DIY in my room. Paint cupboards. Remove wood off floors. | 10 | 10 | Spiritual revelation. Inspired to write. Consciousness wants to create something orginal though this form? | "I am Consciousness. I am experiencing life through this form." Feel so connected. Inspired to write. Love at night to music. | spiritual revelation | Most extraordinary day of revelation and connection. Spiritual love and elation. Extreme tiredness too. |
| 23-Jul | Met with Ben to photograph Ball Head. Thai dinner with him. Home to take out all carpets. | 7 | 7 | Very disconnected in am, intense irritation. But refused to rant at the Universe. Used "Forgive Me" prayer. Felt connected later. | agitated, irritated | Tough day to start with. Agitated, irritated, due to being very tired?? | |
| 24-Jul | DIY on room (carpet removal, stairs). Cleaned balcony. Got quotes for bathroom and laminate. Idea to do white washed floor. | 7.5 | 8 | Intense love in prayer. Cry without music. At night, more love to music. Disconnected a bit during day. | excited, then frustrated | Excited re quotes, feel progress. Then frustrated and embarrased going so slowly. | |
| 25-Jul | Lots of work onfront courtyard (pavers, removing dirt, planting) | 8.5 | 9 | Completing front yard pavers. | Love to music in am and evening music. Crying with beauty while editing Harbour Bridge photos. | excited | Excited to make DIY progress. Excited re photography. Connected. |
| 26-Jul | Went to Windsor with Sue to look for plants and take photos. Nice pot pie lunch. Sue tells me I'll be in her will. Home to work on photos. Move dirt to park. | 8.5 | 7 | Photographing Sue with Windsor, especially at church. In Sue's will. | Mindful editing, great after hard start. Cry to music. | connected | Such a nice day, LOVING photography and photo editing. Extreme anxiety doing dirt. |
| 27-Jul | Woke late after hectic night (6 pm.) Ivan came to give a quote (very nice and professional) for laminate. Shopping for food. Cooked. | 7 | 6 | Music. Not that connected. Ego feel rebellious. Like it has to be a "good boy" to please God. | tired | Ok, but very in mind and lots of tension crawling in. | |
| 28-Jul | Worked on back courtyard, planting pots into ground. Jilly Eckhart with soup. Cook more soup when home. | 7 | 8.5 | At Eckhart, I so, so feel it (joy at the beauty of Consciousness, crying, People like seeds. Also laughing, could hardly stop (life's pop like bubbles.) | pretty good | Still feeling no making fast enough progress with DIY. But felt better after courtyard (Small win.) Intense irritation for a while. Felt good at Jilly after spiritual release. | |
| 29-Jul | DIY planning, to Carpet Court to see carpets, to Bunnings to buy plant soil etc., little bit of work on back coutyard, Dr (no problem with knee). | 7 | 6.5 | Some love in early morning. Pre-occupied rest of day (impotence wth DIY) | impotent | Struggling with my slow progress on DIY. | |
| 30-Jul | Bunnings straight off to purchase plants. Home to work on photos. Inspired to get watering system. | 9 | 9 | Shopping for plants at Bunnings, so inspired, no struggle, being a Space. Beautiful staff helping me. | So connected, shopping for plants, inspired, working on photos, love to music. | elated | So excited re plants, such a DIY boost |
| 31-Jul | Get Thermoglaze quote - very expensive!! Start back balcony. To Bunnings to buy glazed pots. Put on balcony, start filling. To movies (Mission Impossible Rogue Nation.) Home to more balcony and clean up. Crisis of confidence. Have hard night, wake up very stressed. | 6 | 7 | Can't remember really. Sorry. | agitated, very anxious later | Very anxious re night. Think I've wasted all my money on plants. Feel great sense of scarcity. | |
| 1-Aug | Wake up in agony, play with balcony. Actually amazing. Brendan over (spontaneous) for ideas. | 8 | 9 | Cleaning up bathroom, idea to put make shift vanity. Message it to Matt! | Very close, realise the past while has been all Consciousness. Brendan co-incidence popping by, realising to ask Eva, clean up bathroom and idea for vanity, Matt going away 21 August. | elated, obsessed | Great, but high intensity, obseesed with house, very little letting go. |
| 2-Aug | Morning scarcity agony. Eva over to give advice. Then so inspired, Matt and I take away air conditioning, straun sign. Bookshelf. Looks amazing. On such a high. | 9 | 9 | Eva comes over and inspires me. Going to be so amazing. Feel so much better. Matt and I take out air conditioning, doors - put up bookshelf. Looks amazing. | Extreme love to music. Massive, overwhelming LOVE. Please get rid of ego. | agoy, elated | Pure relief I have someone to give me help, inspired, excited. Emotionally drained, been so up and down. |
| 3-Aug | Morning scarcity agony. Carpet Court and Carpet Call to see samples. Bunnings and Kmart. Walk to chemist at night. | 5 | 4 | Almost rage against the mind after scarcity agony in the morning. Little connection, no music. | agony, | Rage against the mind, agony in morning, tiredness. | |
| 4-Aug | Research floor options and colours. To Carpet Court Ryde to see samples. Jilly Eckhart. | 6 | 5 | So, so. Eckhart was good. Still irritation a bit. | so, so | Better than previous 2 days, no morning agony. Mind still very unkind. | |
| 5-Aug | Facebook presentation of why vinyl and colours I like. Work on harbour photos. | 6.5 | 6 | Not connected. Irritation with self and universe still there. | ok | Obsessed with flor decision and worrying what people will think. | |
| 6-Aug | Carpet stores including timber place. Eureka with Carpet Court. Feel great, come home and prune garden. Bunnings to get stuff for garden and Brendan. | 7.5 | 6.5 | Better | good | Much better. | |
| 7-Aug | Brendan came round to do raised beds in front. Pruned garden vigorously. Shamista and I to Thomas Dux. Matt and Shamista had friends over. | 9 | 7 | Brendan over to do raised flower beds. Feeling so DIY passionate. He's excited to, going to show me wood work skills (bench in back yard, frames etc.) The front garden will look amazing!! | Much better | elated | So excited about house and DIY. Amazing feeling. |
| 8-Aug | Bunnings (Chatswood) for screws etc. Work on front courtyard. Bunnings. To cinema. | 6.5 | 5.5 | So, so. | driven | ||
| 9-Aug | To Carpet Court with Matt. To Brendan and Eva with samples (loved them.) Roast ham with Matt and Shamista. Carry rubbish to bin. Prune tree outside on sly. | 7 | 6 | Brendan and Eva loving the laminate. Solved!! Matt didn't mind it either. More connected than last couple of days, but very in world of house form. | So, so. | driven | Tired, but good |
| 10-Aug | Work on courtyard (realise need to use beams.) Bunnings. A Walk in The Woods with Sue after Thai dinner. | 7 | 7 | Love to music late, feels good to be back. | tired | Tired, bit more letting go | |
| 11-Aug | Work on front courtyard, painting beam. Cosgrove - new medication. Eureka moment re small room puts me on complete high. Jilly Eckhart. | 8 | 8 | Realise I can live in small room and rent out rest of house. Non disruptive, rent to people I trust. Invest in furniture. | Complete gratitude. Connected again. | improving | Tired, driven a bit, but gradual letting go. |
| 12-Aug | Lovely morning, walk and coffee. Work on front (painting). Srini over to help with CV. | 8 | 8.5 | Love to music, beautiful. Feel so connected. Hyper aware, even when in mind. | good | Excited re house, not as driven. More relaxed, loving it. Tired though. | |
| 13-Aug | DIY (paint my balcony, To Neri for lunch. Carpet Court do measure up. Help Sue measure up. Woolies to shop for weekend. | 7 | 7 | So, so. In mind a lot. No peaks. | tired | Full on day, good, but tired and driven. | |
| 14-Aug | DIY: Sample white paint. Pack for trip. Drive to Mooney Mooney (stress!!). Water taxi. Lamb dinner, make everyone laugh. | 7 | 9 | Massive love to music in night and morning, deep crying, so grateful. | Rushing, anxious. | ||
| 15-Aug | Plan DIY. To pier to chill. Wak along shore, photographing. Walk with others, and on further. Party. Phne mum. Discover I'm super thin, what a shock! Self conscious later, tired and agitated. Energy very blocked. | 7 | 6 | Tired, anxious, driven, DIY obsessed, Matt obsessed | |||
| 16-Aug | Nice early walk and photograph. Help clean up. Drive home, put garden refuse out. Sharmista's parents arrive. | 6 | 6 | Tired, anxious, driven, DIY obsessed, Matt obsessed | |||
| 17-Aug | Bunnings to buy paint. Finish painting garden sleepers. Srini over for CV practice. | 6 | 6 | Tired, anxious, driven, DIY obsessed, Matt obsessed | |||
| 18-Aug | DIY: Prepare downstairs for painting. Very stressed and rushed. Jilly Eckhart. | 5 | 6 | Tired, anxious, driven, DIY obsessed, Matt obsessed | |||
| 19-Aug | Wake 4 am feeling terrible. Lie and listen to music. Paint downstairs. Srini over for DIY practice. | 6.5 | 7 | Very connected on walk. Feel generally connected. | Tired, anxious, driven, DIY obsessed, Matt obsessed | ||
| 20-Aug | Chrisel phone. Help Sue clear house. Connect: Jilly stop struggling with nature of form (worried re Matt). Let it be. | 7 | 9 | Huge love to music. Use this form. I surrender myself completely to you. | Agony in morning | ||
| 21-Aug | Organise DIY tools. Set up garden. Bunnings. Brendan doing garden. Liz for dinner with Srini. | 6 | 8 | ||||
| 22-Aug | Wake up tired and wired, beat my chest. Srini helps me move furniture out to garage. Srini share re public speaking - connect. Give Srini dex. | 8 | 10 | Love beyond measure. Such love. HUGE. | |||
| 23-Aug | Chris and Srini rip up carpets. Prepare for painting. Silly judging mind. To Apple Store, mouse in pocket. | 8 | |||||
| 24-Aug | Chris.psinting. I clear my room and carpet in Matt room. Rushing, feeling Chris judging me. Share the plan. Create a shared vision. Srini round later. Bonding with Chris. Thanks carpet people coming on Friday. Comraderie with Chris and Seini - meals, lifts, sharing. Thai takeaway. | 6 | |||||
| 25-Aug | Thanks bank card is coming. Srini and I go for a walk. Idea for Evernote. Chris and I paint skirting boards. Dr Cosgrove. Roger comes round with ideas (lop head off stairs) drop Mack at Jilly and dinner with Roger at Thai Fusion (pork ribs) | ||||||
| 26-Aug | Chris painting | ||||||
| 27-Aug | Chris psinting. Me madly trying to buy parts for step. Stress!! And spend night sanding the floors. And building a step with concrete. | ||||||
| 28-Aug | Floors in. Pain of realising look like dirt smudges. | 2 | |||||
| 29-Aug | Call off stairs. Humanity of David, offering to work half price. Help Srini with interview. Set up.Eva comes round. Doesn’t mind floors. Feel better. Decide to just replace corridor. | ||||||
| 30-Aug | Work on garden in sunshine and paint door. Srini comes round to move Matt’s stuff back. Manic. Speak to mum and make her feel better. Just a newsletter. | 6 | |||||
| 31-Aug | Matt hates smudge too. Delay getting back to carpet court. Walk in sunshine with Chris. Beautiful support. | 1 | |||||
| 1-Sep | Go to carpet court with presentation. Later, initial relief followed by intense self flagellation. Blocked with Jilly, then cry. Living in absolute chaos. Surge of joy with Eckhart in middle of it. I have lost every ounce of confidence and mojo. Lack of control. The house was a mania and its burst. Speak to mum and Jo. Idea to do my room in one I like. | 4 | Surge of joy with Eckhart in middle of it. | ||||
| 2-Sep | Sue to carpet court to pretend to like floor. Camera club evening to watch Antartica. | 2 | 4 | ||||
| 3-Sep | Srini over. On way home, feel like gone mad. Confused and dazed. | 2 | |||||
| 4-Sep | Wake up clear. Cut loses with floor and start again. Work on garden. Eat loads at cafe. Such a relief. | 7 | 6 | ||||
| 5-Sep | Walk with Srini at Le Perouse. Home for interview. | 6.5 | 7 | ||||
| 6-Sep | Work in garden | 5 | 5 | ||||
| 7-Sep | Get room ready, clean bathroom, Show floors to Liza. Instant relief. To dr. Listen to choral music. Massive resurgence of spiritual love. Work in garden, super awake. Door falls. Visiit Jilly in hospital with Chris. | 7 | 8 | ||||
| 8-Sep | Eckhart. Help Srini - he stays night. Redo his CV. | 6 | 5 | ||||
| 9-Sep | Srini phone interview. Bunnings to buy lock. | 5 | 5 | ||||
| 10-Sep | Chris over to help with lock. To carpet store, agree I'll do labour myself. Visit Jilly in hospital. | 5 | 5 | ||||
| 11-Sep | To Bunnings to buy circular saw and multi-tool. Worked on front garden (Milly protection.). Went to Chris and sent email from Jilly. | 6 | 6 | Rushed. Excited at times. On show when Matt around. | |||
| 12-Sep | Go to Bunnings to buy circular saw etc. Work on house. Matt "move this plastic. | 5 | 6 | ||||
| 13-Sep | Worked on garden and a bit of door. Matt home and feel very self conscious. Do pation latch late with them in room and stuff it up. So humiliated. | 5 | 4 | ||||
| 14-Sep | Rush all day, obsessed with overcoming ignomia of bad stuff up night before. Latch installation another disaster. Cut wood for balcony door. | 4 | 4 | Cry out in anger against Consciousness. | Rushing, stressed, almost insane with rushing. So tired, not sleeping (3 am wake up.) | Matt think I'm useless and slow. Not communicating with Eva | |
| 15-Sep | To Ajax Locksmith - who change lock. Lose spring, search everywhere. Work on balcony door, fitting wood into gap. To Eckhart at Chris (Shushann, Sharon). Connect: deep talk to Sharmista who also going through hard time. Serve: Put Lydia onto Neri. Realise I need to hire floor help. Gumtree - someone? Progress: Becoming more methodical with DIY, losing stuff less. | 6 | 6 | Feel love for Consciousness during night. Such relief. | Rushing, rushing | ||
| 16-Sep | To Bunnings to steal lock. Get lock changed. Shop at Thomas Dux. Home to discover lost lock. Fine for $250. Immense calm that persists while at cinema with Sue (Last Cab to Darwin.) Serve: Help Sue save images to drive. | 5.5 | 8 | Accept fine and find wallet. Laugh out loud. Immense calm (and tiredness) with movie. Keep calm even with very strung Sue. Immense sense of presence. | Frustrated, lose things, losing my mind, so DIZZY!!! | ||
| 17-Sep | Try lock (too big!!!) Put doors on hinges, put up top latch, worked on garden (wire). Connect: To Srini where cheered him up after despression. Deep sharing. Serve: Support Srini when so anxious re interview. "Feel so much better." | 6.5 | 7.5 | Support Srini when depressed. Deep sharing. Decide to declutter his flat. | |||
| 18-Sep | Srini over in morning. Get glass and to Bunnings for putty. Thanks: Glass only $42. To Jilly with Chris. Connect: Jilly "I love you." Look deep into her eyes. Serve: Chris so excited about my technology help, using Evernote. Chatswood with Srini for dinner at Mamuk (eat out) and Kmart to buy desk. Connect: Fun with Srini, sense of excitement. "Feel this friendship is meant to be." | 8 | 9 | Chatswood with Srini, in the senses, laughs, pleasure of eating at Mamuk, joy of friendship, buying desk. | Love for Jilly, sharing with Chris. "Use this form." | Agitated and in pain, but deeply connected and alive. | |
| 19-Sep | Phone Apple Support. Help Srini set up desk and chair. And declutter room to create space. Nice buttet meal at One Life. | 9.5 | 9 | Final clearing of Srini's room clutter. | Hunger to be a space for consciousness. Cry with love in car on way to Srini. | So connected to Srini. He's so delighted. | |
| 20-Sep | Ikea with Matt and Sharmista. Brendan and Eva. Noodle soup with Matt and Sharmista. | 8 | 6 | Ikea inspiration | Excited, enthusiastic, but also very tired, agitated. | ||
| 21-Sep | Breakfat at cafee (Mickey) DIY: Clear out the back yard with grinding. Modular gardening idea. To Jilly with Chris to do Eckhart email. To Chris for dinner. Brainstorm his speech. | 9 | 7 | Brainstorm Chris speech. Modular garden idea. | Connected. So excited re ideas. (raised desk, modular garden.) | ||
| 22-Sep | Bunnings to buy floor installation stuff. Eckhart at Chris. Mum $5000. Phoned mum. | 5 | 7 | Eckhart - really profound. | Extreme agitation from tiredness ? Tough day. But motivated. | ||
| 23-Sep | Shower wet floor. Took up floors and moved DIY stuff to my room. Millie ate xanax - to the vet! Srini came over, Bunnings. Worked on door. Stress!! | 4.5 | 8 | Very present walking to Thai restaurant from vet, noticing. | Agitated so much its painful. Tired. Didn't eat whole day again! | ||
| 24-Sep | Big breakfast (egg, avo, soup etc.) Fix glass in window. Bunnings for small nails. Take Mack to vet. Andreas for pork belly at Bavarian Café. | 7 | 7 | Much better when go slow and le go. | |||
| 25-Sep | Fixed lock with Matt in house. Stress whole day, lose it again. Visit Jilly in evening. | 4 | 6 | Stressed, rushed, anxious, self conscious | |||
| 26-Sep | Amazing morning. Do budget, decide on handyman and organise one, phone Carpet Court. Ajax for lock. Grocery shopping at Woolworths. To Srini for walk, Indian food and marijuana. Idea that I want to do my house Zen / Feng Shui. Excited. | 8 | 7.5 | Do the house Zen, Feng Shui | Exultation about Zen. | Excited, in control, optimisitc - agitated and anxious later though | |
| 27-Sep | Birthday party. Wendy's Secret Garden walk. Take Srini home. Cook soup. Go for walk. | 7 | 7 | Go for walk. Sit under tree and speak to Isira. Deep peace. Deep, deep crying and release as speak and walk. | Self conscious at party. But beuautiful connection with beautiful people. So taken by beautiful Sharon. | ||
| 28-Sep | Fetch vinyl floors. Locksmith. Bunnings late to get floor stuff - stressed, left to last minute again!! Chris to test Eckhart. | 6.5 | 8 | Deep longing to be a space. Decision to see Isira. Feel so connected. | Good at start. Increasingly stressed at end of day as time runs out for floor. Beat self up. | ||
| 29-Sep | Richard (I can handyman) helps me with floor level advice, lock and Clothes line. To Eckhart, Feel such love for all. | 9 | 10 | Srini at Eckhart | Awake, laughing uncontrollably. Bless Srini and feel emotion so strong. Bless Craig (medication) and feel emotion so strong. Feel joy during Eckhart when says we're Cosciousness. Look in Eckhart's eyes. Increasing noticing and awareness. | ||
| 30-Sep | Chris over to paint. With Sue to Opera House. Gives me book as a gift. To show "Anything Goes" after dinner. | 7 | 8 | More laughter in morning. Feel so awake, so real, so peaceful. Bless mum. SO strong. | |||
| 1-Oct | Chris over to paint. Run out of time on floors again. Srini over. | 6 | |||||
| 2-Oct | Richard over to grind cement. Rent machine. Srini for fish dinner. To Chris for tea,. | 6 | 8 | Today. Eyes in car. Sue's books (eyes). Car. Cememt miracle. | |||
| 3-Oct | Isira (Saturday). Back to work on floors. | 5 | 10 | Realise I'm creating house to raise consciousness. Can do spiritual groups here. Mindfulness meet ups in nature. | "Wake up" before and with Isira. | ||
| 4-Oct | Phone Chrisel and cancel my trip. Work on floors, preparing. | 6 | 5 | Listen to Eckhart. Chris 3rd out of 1600. No need to claim credit. Deep discussions with Chris re purpose (service, connection). | |||
| 5-Oct | Srini over to help with floors. Disaster. Concrete on floors on hot day. My room, with no exit. Keep pouring. | 3 | 5 | ||||
| 6-Oct | Coming to terms with hard concrete all over floors. See two people - not heartening. Another app for tomorrow am. | 5 | 5 | Moment with plants on balcony. Still saying "Do what it takes, despite shell shocked pain." | |||
| 7-Oct | Guy comes in and says can fix floors for $1000. Relief. Write email to send to carpet court, bit of a sort out of my room, to Thomas Dux to get soup and salad for all. Eckhart at Jilly who is back from hospital. Heart to heart with Shushann re my pendulum swings | 6.5 | 7 | ||||
| 8-Oct | Wrote letter to carpet court. Compass up to and working. Letter to neighbours. Dr Cosgrove. Admin. Reviewed bank details. Cleared front garden. Yikes! Skype with Heather - really helping her. Deep chat. Met with Srini for dinner. | 7.5 | 8 | Eating lamb shanks with Shrini - and risotto. Deep connection. | |||
| 9-Oct | 8 pills! More carpet court. To Dr for psychologist referral. Lovely chat with Chrisel. To Jilly to help with sorting post. Support her. To Nic group - late. | 7.5 | 8 | Deeply mindful, noticing the external world. Barry Long meditation. Going inside and processing emotion. | |||
| 10-Oct | Difficult night because no pill. Sort my room. Do some painting. Bunnings to buy some basics. To Chris to help him with his speech. | 7 | 7 | Find book on biocentrism. Scientific reality? | |||
| 11-Oct | Manly Scenic walk with Brendan. Prepare for grinding next day. | 7 | 7 | ||||
| 12-Oct | Grinding of concrete. Dust everywhere! Cleaning. Send email to carpet court. Matt arrives in middle of room, I keep pretty calm. | 7.5 | 8 | ||||
| 13-Oct | Clear up. Carpet Court calls and I go. Give me $ 1948. No boasting about it. Profound. To Eckhart - beautiful energy, some deep sharing. | 9 | 10 | ||||
| 14-Oct | Day of cleaning & moving floors up. Chris wins his speech. To lunch with Craig and beautiful chat. To Nic for group re approval seeking. | 10 | 10 | Chris wins speech, no boasting. Realise my purpose is beinf ordinry under the radar, helping others to be special. Beautiful release and joy at Nic after approval seeking - feel so peaceful after. | |||
| 15-Oct | Day of being. Spiritual calm, also some tiredness & agitation. Srini picnic. | 8 | 9 | Intense spiritual calm. | |||
| 16-Oct | Listent to Mooji. Craig over to put on Evernote. Share Wisdom Trove with him. To movies with him and Jo (The Martian). | 9 | 9 | Listen to Mooji. Inspired to write. Revelations about the kryptonite effect of identity on spiritual power. | |||
| 17-Oct | Extraordinary day of peace and spiritual insights. | 9 | 10 | ||||
| 18-Oct | Chrisel to Jilly to do Thermo Mix demo. Walk with Srini. | 7.5 | 7 | ||||
| 19-Oct | Work on backyard. To Sue for dinner. | 10 | 10 | Remain patient with Sue despite irritation. Blessed with hertfelt gratitude. Realisation never to give way to irritation. To Kmart where sense the love in the eyes. The body feels so loved and revered by Consciousness in the eyes. Beautiful chat with mum late in park - so peaceful and loving in presence. | |||
| 20-Oct | First yoga lesson. Lots and lots of sleep and being. | 10 | 10 | Sort out car with no issues or stress - get to yoga quite relxed, sort out after. Ask God for forgiveness if I'm blaspheming saying I am "Him" His reply. Sea gulls in millions circling over bridge. Wondrous. Flock of birds with Dani. Swifts over Monsoon Palace. Bush turkey. | |||
| 21-Oct | Sleep and being. Spiritual group with Nic for deep sharing without identity. | 10 | 10 | Share my drain with Jilly. Connect to her pain after gets back hair (and eats biscuits) to have huge compassion and understanding. | |||
| 22-Oct | Sleeping. | Wisdom flowing through with Craig. Ideas flowing through with Chris's speech (honesty, being a space for answer). Potency - feel rampant. | |||||
| 23-Oct | Realisation the mind has no control. Profound peace, in shopping centre. Glowing, smiling, "You look so happy to see me. : Tell Jilly about awakening. Some beautiful content (e,g, beautiful body) but lots of content she couldn't process. | ||||||
| 24-Oct | Chris speech. | Living in a matrix world Plugged into a supeDr computer. Peace at hospital and receptionist comes. Jilly, beautiful body. Lose no pyschic energy with Jilly. Discussion with Matt and Sharmista. Girls in lift "beautful" Cry after Jilly and feel willingeness. | |||||
| 25-Oct | With Srini in Blue Mountain describing meaning of Universe. Also with Matt and Sharmista later. | ||||||
| 26-Oct | |||||||
| 27-Oct | Round the hospital, shown the power of a lack of space. Love in the hospital. Pray for people, especially Matt. Experience with Jilly in hospital - give her space. Ubermentsch stripping down. |
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