Diary 2014

Date	Doing	Well	Spirit	Moment	Spirit notes	Feeling	Feeling
1-Jan	Do Jo's photos. Talk to Jo, Sue, mum, Jilly. Walk.	8	7			connected	Feel deeply connected today to others. Also deep longing to be loved. Overactive at times, but good day. Lovely connections on phone and sms to Neri. Deep cry imaginining Sue's baby.
2-Jan	Worked. Watched America Hustle at cinema. Chat to Sue re loving God.	7	7			irritated	Ok, but agitated at times. Big cry to music (El Divo). Very hot today. Anger release in car - big.
3-Jan	Work. Sorting out holiday.	6	5			irritated	Not too bad, but agitation effected work a lot. Underlying irritation with it all. Uuugh!!!! Pretty unpleasant late.
4-Jan	Visited Jilly to get shirt. Met George for a beer & Lightroom help.	7.5	5			agitation	Better today, though agitation still quite strong.
5-Jan	Walk. Admin and pack for Kuziosko.	8	7				Good. Great AOL. Power of the pill - a single one. Strong today. Pure cry to music. Great.
6-Jan	Drive up to Kuziosko (Meet Up - weekend away, photography) with Michelle, Zante, Elizabeth. Walk around town. Make communal dinner.	7.5	6	Alive (Kuziosko)		elevated	Feeling bit stressed on drive, especially at start. Need to impress and keep conversation going.
7-Jan	Hike up to top of Mount Kuziosko with Gavin and Peter. Get ski lift back. Dinner at pub.	7	4	Alive (Kuziosko)		self conscious	Feel self conscious at end of day, bedazzled by Gavin's stories. Not loving space.
8-Jan	Amazing hke past alpine lakes - Main Range Walk. Beautiful! Dinner at lovely Italian restaurant.	9	6	Alive (Kuziosko)		alive	More relaxed and spiritual than yesterday. Enthralled at beauty of walk. Loving leap photos.
9-Jan	Hike through dead trees, wild horses. Connect with Elizabeth. Dinner at Brazilian restaurant. Scrabble.	9	6	Alive (Kuziosko)		alive	Elated at beauty on walk, Deep need to impress Elizabeth though no desire to have her.
10-Jan	Drove home. Worked on photos.	8	6			alive	Elated about trip, connected to Eliaabeth, Zante and Michelle. Really great. Cry when come home but fine.
11-Jan	Worked on photos from Kuziosco.	7	3			irritated	Irritated at times with slow computer and dropbox. Grasping to impress with photos. Agitated at end of day 9 pills.
12-Jan	20 km Meet Up hike (2 Creeks) Photos. Spent time on blog.	8	5			strong	Great day. Some meditation on hike. Powered ahead at night.
13-Jan		8	5			strong	Strong and connected online, feel like looking at Dani's profile. Want to get back into dating. Help!!! PRIDE emerging.
14-Jan	Jilly for Eckhart.	8	6.5		Good meditation to music. Eckhart deep no writing.	strong	Good and strong, 5 pills most of day, loving AOL,
15-Jan	Breakfast with Liza. Neri to pick up cabinet. To Nic group. Sue had baby.	8	7		Good, spiritually connected, good meditations. Great walk.	strong	Strong.
16-Jan	Saw Sue at hospital. Biodanza.	8.5	8		Biodanza, deep remorse	melancholy	Felt deep remorse, big cry. Emotional with baby & after. Great time at Biodanza.
17-Jan	Philomena with Sue. Thai restaurant (Fat Monk)	8	7		Good music meditation. Connected on walk.	strong	Good day, feeling strong,
18-Jan		8	7		Sadness re prosecution of gays, intolerance in world, good meditation to music	strong	Feeling good, enjoying AOL
19-Jan	Train to Geraldine group in Blue Mountains. Spirit group.	7	6		Geraldine. Byron Katie. Music meditation. Meditate on way home.	sad	Sadness in Leura, self conscious at Geraldine (no greeting) - guilty. Agitation on way home quite strong. Powered after 3 pills.
20-Jan	Helped Jilly create mailing list. Messaging Lisa (oops)	7.5	7		Beautiful crying to music	strong	Feeling strong, not much agitation. Enjoying AOL. Bit irritated with Jilly, she picked up - thawed quickly.
21-Jan	Jilly's for Eckhart	7	8		Eckhart sublime. Lovely peaceful walk. Cry with baby.	irritated	Pill not strong earlier in day. Stike myself so irritated. Stronger later. Eckhart sublime. Cry to music - beautiful.
22-Jan	Nic group	7.5	6		Music, meditate with Mack. Nic's.	irritated	Extremely difficult at start of day on 4 pills. (not sleep well) Huge irritation, agitation, punched pillow. Fucked for life! 2 more pills and flourished rest of day.
23-Jan	Doctor for referral. Biodanza group.	8	6		Biodanza. Held Kate.		Strong today. Almost no agitation. Biodanza beautiful.
24-Jan	Louise	8	4	Connection (Louis)	Low, no meditation.		Excited, hopeful, like I'm making progress. Mind very active though, especially on walks.
25-Jan	Apple for new phone. Don Miguel presentation.	7.5	2		Not enough meditation.	indecisive	Excited re Don Miguel, upset re phone decision at first. Bit agitated at end of day, tired.
26-Jan	Cinema "Her" with Karin, Papaya restaurant for dinner (Thai)	8	5		Meditation to music in morning. Compass on walk (new ritual)		Very good. Cry in morning. Felt strong working. Agitated only after dinner. Sad re Dani driving past - cry.
27-Jan	Clean room and organise. Plan AOL.	8	8		Meditation to music, lovely cry, feel loving. Blessing. Walk sublime, so connected.	in control	Feeling organised and in control. Very motivated. Almost no agitation except wake up. Sad re Dani - released through crying.
28-Jan	Watched Homeland till 7 am. Slept till 4 pm. Jilly for Eckhart	6.5	7.5		Eckhart great - lots of yawning Beautiful mindful walk - crying and connected.	tired	Tired, needed 7 pills to get going, felt very tired at Eckhart.
29-Jan	Good sleep. Slept in day too, catching up. To Nic group. Made lots of mince.	8	7.5		Nicks.	motivated	Needed 6 pills to get going. But momentum propelled me all day (3 pills later.) Feeling very motivated with AOL. More awake after sleep. Excited about mindful walking with compass.
30-Jan	Tennis with Brendan (6,3 to me) Dr for psychologist. Intimacy group workshop in Crows Nest.	7.5	6.5		Doing my compass a lot, on all walks. Connected.		Good, no agitation at all.
31-Jan	Louise.	7.5	7		Mindful walk and small cry.	motivated	Motivated. Good most of day. Dani issues later.
1-Feb	12 Years a Slave at cinema with Sue.	7.5	8		Doing Compass a lot. Good meditation.	emotional	Motivated. Work good. 12 Years Slave - huge crying after.
2-Feb	Manly Scenic hike with Meet Up.	8	9	Alive (Manly Scenic Walk)	Compass throughout day.	melancholy	Great on hike. Strong in work. Sadness re Dani and urge to look at Facebook.
3-Feb	Worked hard. Amazing walk.	8	9	Spiritual love (walk and music)	Mindful walk, extremely deep connection, beautiful crying on walk. Deep crying to music.	motivated	Motivated, worked well. Agitation at end, then deep, deep crying to music. Amazing walk.
4-Feb	Jilly for Eckhart.	8	7		Compass many times.	motivated	Very motivated. Slight melancholy but not strong. Feeling good.
5-Feb	Cinema: The Book Thief with Sue. Restaurant: Fat Duck	9	9	Spiritual love on walk (love it all)	Compass a lot. Beautiful walk, so connected. Big cry, love myself - every bit. Love it all. Hate nothing.	motivated	Very motivated, really enjoying AOL. Loved movie, and cried quite a lot. Slight melancholy. Realing craving a relationship.
6-Feb	Went to hiking, but wrong train.	9.5	6			motivated	So, so motivated. Loving the learning. A lovely cry to music. Melancholy very little.
7-Feb	Drove Jilly to Kanagoo Valley to Mandy's house. Met dog (Jessie). To tent site.	7.5	5		Listen Don Miguel.	connected	Feeling more connected with people than other camps. Feeling great most of day, agitated and tired from trying to impress at end of day.
8-Feb	Weekend away camping with Meet Up. Hike with Andrew (11 km). Then to pub.	7	5		Compass a little.	insecure	A little "I'm not part of the popular crowd." Also heat strokish, can't find shade. Better at pub - good connection with Howard re ex wives.
9-Feb	Hike with everyone (nice views). Then to Mandy for photographing her house. Then trip back to Sydney.	9	8	Help (Mandy with photos)	Beautiful mindful walk, and blessing others. Feel deeply connected..	calm	Feeling so great, especially on drive back. Feel so calm. Amazing. Happy to help Mandy with photos.
10-Feb	Photos for Mandy & dog. Clean bathroom.	8	8		Sublimest cry to music - such love. Twice.	connected	Really great today. Motivated, spiritually connected, good cries.
11-Feb	Louise. Officeworks. Mandy photos.	7	4		Meditation. No compass.	connected	Hard start due to zyprexa? Got much better. Loved Louise. Frustrated re presecriptions. Vulnerable re sending quotes to Louis.
12-Feb	Nic group	7.5	7		2 x Meditation (Whitney) - cry. Nic's Stood in water and my mind stood still.		Very good despite Zyprexa.
13-Feb		7	5		Meditation x2 Compass on walk to Liza.	irritated	Dex not lasting long, agitation. Not bad but irritation I'm not flying. Tired, had to sleep. No worries thought, hardly thought of Dani or sex in past few days.
14-Feb	Tennis with Brendan (lost both sets)	7	6.5		Lots of compass. Good cry to music.		Agitation, dex not holding long.
15-Feb	Cinema: Wolf of Wall Street	8	6		Compass going great - focuses mind a lot.	motivated	Motivated. Enjoyed movie. Bit of sadness after movie (full of sex)
16-Feb	Jilly to help with email. Finish Homeland.	8	6			motivated	Very motivated re AOL.
17-Feb	Cosgrove. Walking Dead.	7	7		Nice walk. Gratitude. Cry a bit. Compass.	motivated	Motivated. Bit anxious at Cosgrove and pharmacy.
18-Feb	Jilly for Eckhart. Midday walk. Late walk.	7	7		Mid day walk to compass.		Great morning, motivated. Then agitatgion and cry to music. Amazing after that. Agitation at Jilly's after.
19-Feb	Louise. Nic group	7.5	6		Nic's	motivated	Motivated. Anxious with Louis, especially reading compass. Otherwise, no pain.
20-Feb	Tennis with Brendan (3:6, 7-5)	8	6		Compass many times. Mindul and spacious in tennis.	motivated	Great day. Very motivated. No agitation. But 10 pills.
21-Feb	Lunch with Neri at Oaks (restaurant)	7.5	5				Good. Dex took while to work. Good all day, until 10.00 pm but 10 pills. Cry to music.
22-Feb	Royal National Park coastal hike with Meet Up.	8	5	Alive: Burning Palms hike)	Compass on walk.		Great day. Survived till 5 pm ok on 5 pills. Tired tho. Then 5 pills to work like a trojan. So great.
23-Feb	Wake 12 pm (slept till 3 am) Clean room.	8	5				Good cry to music. Good all day till late (but 10 pills)
24-Feb		8	6		Lovely meditation to music. Great cry.	motivated	Great. Motivated. Almost no agitation at all.
25-Feb	Jily for Eckhart (arrived late)	7.5	5		Compass. Not connected.	consumed	5+1+4. Motivated, good day, very little agitation. Bit cabin feverish, consumed by AOL. Need give it space.
26-Feb	Cinema: Mandela movie with Sue.	7.5	5	Release (Mandela movie)		emotional	Good day. Highly irritated in traffic (running late) but kept aware. Mandela movie very emotional. Agitated but only after 11 pm.
27-Feb	Geral dine passes away. Goto cinema: Tracks with Sue. Interview after.	8	8	Spiritua release (Tracks)	Movie very spiritual. Compass x2, deeply.	emotional	(5+1+1+1) Very emotional day, outpouring at Tracks. Huge cry for Geraldine on walk.
28-Feb	Big AOL clean up	8	6		Big cries. Compass.	motivated	(5+1+1+2) Motivated. Big cry to music. Excited about organising AOL.
1-Mar	Work galore. Bunked out on hiking (heavy pack and raining.) Feb update for dairy.	7	4		Cry to music. Sadness.	doubtful	Motivated, then disillusioned. Long hours. Doubtful. Quite down and low on energy later during + after walk.
2-Mar	Missed hiking due to train hiccup - again! Watched Frozen	7.5	8		Compass. V litte meditation.		Good today. Verry little agitation. Much better re AOL. Deep cry in meditation. "I am… "
3-Mar	Checked bank. Calculated dex. Watch Inside Llewellyn Davis.	8	6.5		Cry when Geraldine added my words of gratitude to book.		Wonderful. Facing bank and dex boosted my energy. Avoiding saps it.
4-Mar	Tennis with Brendan (7-6) Jilly for soup + Eckhart.	8.5	6.5		Eckhart. Compass x 2.	motivated	(1+5+4+1 = 11) Great today. Motivated. Little agitation.
5-Mar	Nic group for spiritual. Louise.	8.5	6		Nic's.	excited	(5+1+2+2 = 10) Great! Loved Louis. Relaxed at Nic's. Excited re dairy and AOL.
6-Mar	Helped Jilly with fine.	8	5	Help (Jilly with fine)	Compass.		(5+1+1+3 = 10) Great day. Relaxed at Jilly. Only agitated late.
7-Mar	Edit photos for Sue. Corrupt excel file. Clean. Will. Mack in for teeth. Shop at Coles.	7	5.5		Compass, meditate.		(5+1+1+1+1 = 9) Tougher day because of pill. 1 pills makes big difference. Realise how addicted I am to AOL. Walking Dead.
8-Mar	Went to Mount Kuz reunion (12.30 - 4.00) at Sappho Books, Glebe	9	8	Connected (Hiking gang at Sappho)	Feel connected in meditation, nice loving cry. Beautiful walk.		(5+1+1+3) Fantastic. Relaxed and in control. Loving dairy. Great to be away from AOL for while.
9-Mar	Geraldine "celebration" with Jilly in car. And Jess homewards.	7.5	9	Connected and release (Geraldine's celebration) Consciousness on balcony & walk later.	Meditation on balcony. Consciousness on walk - a very deep peace.	spiritual high	(4+1+1+1 )= 7. Good day. Very emotional in service. Tired for drive. Then sleep, then sublime consciousness for walk. How felt Dani Xmas. Better than any pill!
10-Mar	Hair cut. Bunnings and drain unblocked. Unclutter. Cinema: The Great Beauty with Sue. Before Midnight	7	6.5		Deep meditation in movie, mega yawning.		(5+1+3) Pretty good. No elation or euphoria. Bit agitated at work, even with 3 pills, relaxed later into movie (mega-yawns).
11-Mar	Went to Dr (all clear!) To HAI meditation evening.	9	9		Great HAI meditation. Deep awareness of "I Am…"	motivated	(5+1+4) Very motivated. Deep love and peace at HAI.
12-Mar	Nic group for spiritual.	7	8		Nic's. Realisation of perfection. Cry.	irritated	Dex didn't work for 2.5 hours this morning. Intense irritation. Rest of day ok except big agitation at Nic's.
13-Mar	Jilly to help with printer.	8	10	Spiritual love & joy on walk	Deep calm. Sense of connection. Deep cry on walk, recognising the perfection in everything. JOY.		(5+1+3) Great. Very relaxed, even with Jilly and Neri. Little agitation. Some melancholy.
14-Mar	Presentation at camera club (books) 20 Feet from Stardom.	8	6		Meditation.	motivated	(5+3+1) Felt great most of day. Motivated.
15-Mar	Meet Up Hike to sculptured rocks with Chisel. Worked on photos.	8.5	5	Alive and connecred (Chrisel on sculptured rocks hike)	Not so great. Lots of lying to Chisel.	smitten	(4+1+1+2.5) Great day, lovely connecting and my swim. Very little agitation.
16-Mar	Prisoners.	7	6		Beautiful meditation and cry. Very deep.	insecure	(5+1+2+1) Good, especially early on. Shame re Chrisel. And tense with email. Huge will to impress. Ego life of it's own. Confidence low. Self doubts.
17-Mar	Dex calcs. Cinema (All is Lost) with Sue. First helped with camera.	7	5			melancholy	(5+3+1) Pretty good mostly. Some underlying melancholy - Dani resurfacing. Pockets of sadness.
18-Mar	Jilly for Eckhart. James amazing talk re awakening.	7.5	7		Eckhart good. James re enlightenment.	insecure	(5+3+1) More motivated re AOL. Excited re camera. Feeling rejected by Chrisel - loss of confidence. Deep melancholy crying in 1st meditation.
19-Mar	Tennis with Brendan (2:6, 3:3) The Oaks (restaurant) with Roger.	8	5		Less meditation.		(5+1+3+1) Great day. Bit stressed at tennis but rest great. Less worry and no melancholy.
20-Mar	Met Andreas for dinner at Bavarian Beer Café (restaurant)	8	6		Moment of joy walking to Bavarian cafee. Alive!	motivated	(5+3+1) Great day. Motivated with AOL. Well slept (9 hrs). Good with Andreas,
21-Mar	Names for Nicola. Saving Mr Banks	9	9		Such deep love & gratitude. Deep, happy cry. Cry again later.	motivated	(5+3+1) Beautiful day. Motivated. Some extremely deep cries 3 times. Dex working great in morning again.
22-Mar	Shopping at Woolies. Download many movies.	8	6		Meditate, cry.	motivated	Good, motivated day, very little agitation.
23-Mar	Royal National Park hike - with reflections. Meet Lauren	9	7	Alive (swim in beautiful lake)	Winged Migration - cry in wonder.	fun	Great! So enjoyed walk, relaxed, chatty, fun. Nice SAFA girl - Lauren.
24-Mar	Cosgrove.	7.5	7		Winged Migration - cry.	melancholy	Good day. Bit melancholic, strong cry.
25-Mar	Jilly's for Eckhart	7	6		Connected on walk. Eckhart	agitation	Ok, but agitation 3 x after work and Jilly. Crying but not all out. Intense agitation and sadness blitzed by meditation.
26-Mar	To Nic group. Discuss sexuality.	7.5	7		Nic's. Peace on train home.		Good. Little agitation. Nice walk in day. Last pill lasted ages.
27-Mar	To Sue for dinner.	7	6			agitation	Strong agitation after 2hrs work. Melancholy. Cry in meditation.
28-Mar	Jilly to help with printer.	7	6		Walk, looking out onto city.	agitation	(5+3+2) Ok. Agitated later in day, especially after Jilly. Dex power waning? Crash? Come off it? Irritation with self and dex. Good later on 2 dex.
29-Mar	Tennis with Brendan (7:5, 6:3) Jilly to print will.	7.5	6				Good today, with some challenging times. Sex back on radar later in day. Quite sucked into work, effort. Intense, little space.
30-Mar	Meet Up Hike in Royal National Park - pool and waterfall. Fun with Catty. Chat to Christel.	8	4	Connected (people on hike, relaxed)	Almost no meditation. Tiny bit presence at lunch.	excited	Great. Excited re South Africa.
31-Mar	Flight to Cape Town. The Railway Man and docos.	7	8		Beautiful cries. So deep. 4x	melancholy	Highs and lows. Beautiful cries, releasing, cleansing. Also deep melancholy at times, Dani obsessions. Enthralling movies, docos.
1-Apr	First day in Cape Town. Kids for breakfast. Pick up Matt. Mum & Mike come for dinner.	7	6		Spiritual experience in early hours. On walk in eve. I am.	insecure	Good. No meditation though. Lots of old family mind things coming up. Feel unpopular.
2-Apr	Restaurant: Buitenverwachting for lunch with Colin, Ant and girls. Table tennis in evening.	7.5	6		Meditation. Compass.		Things much better today. Feeling more comfortable. Nice work in pm.
3-Apr	Shopping for shoes with mum and Mike. Kelvin for snack.	7.5	9		3 good meditations. Bliss (love) in meditation.		Pretty good. Dex not working long for work.
4-Apr	Photos for mum. Xbox with Matt (shoot dog!) Harvest Festival.	6	5			insecure	Dex working short (1 hr max.) Ok earlier, tough later, loss of confidence. Pressure to impress, be funny. Insecurities of youth haunting me.
5-Apr	Tennnis (Xbox) with Matt. Kirstenbosch for photography.	7	4		Irritated.		Better today. Fun with tennis and Kirstenbosch. Still fixating on Dani - some strong emotions.
6-Apr	Swim. Tennnis, FIFA , skiiing with Matt. Restaurant: Beau Constantia for lunch. Shop for Tshirt.	8	5		Compass on walk. Little meditation today.		Much better. Very little agitation. Much more confident. Sexy bod. More connected to family.
7-Apr	Bo Kaap for photography. . Waterfront. Vikings.	6	7.5	Alive (Bo Kaap with Jo)	Compass. Deep cry to music. Power of being connected to heart.	depressed	Dex lasted super short, almost felt depressed at times, felt very quiet. Very in head. Improved later after sleep and swim. Beautiful cry to music.
8-Apr	Mary Ann visited. Fishhoek with mum. Vikings.	5.5	3	Connect (mum at Fishoek)		depressed	Ok, but not striving.. Swim good start. Pressure with Mary Ann. Agitated later in day, swim helped. Semi depressed at night walk.
9-Apr	Worked.	6.5	6		Not connected due to caning. Then deep crying to music late. Beautiful.	obsessive	More confident re AOL. Some good times, especially later. But tough too, obsessed re Dani and spanking. Power of swim dunks,
10-Apr	Did mum's photos. Spoke to Trish. Vikings.	7	7		Compass. AOL on Divine Love. Lots of meditation.	motivated	Feeling much better. Quite motivated re AOL. Nice swims.
11-Apr	Clifton beach for sundowners	8	7	Alive (Clifton swim)	Lots of meditation.	motivated	Much better again. Motivated with AOL. Good meditations. Lovely swim at Clifton.
12-Apr	Party at Apple farm in Elgin (Richard and Kerry)	9	6	Alive (Elgin party)		connected	Wonderful day, connected to family, lots of fun, closer to Sam. Very motivated with AOL (silence).
13-Apr	Good day at work. Llandadno sunset	8	8		Beautiful cries - music and compassion. Feel very connected.	motivated	Great. Very motivated with AOL. Great swims. Lovely photos and leaps.
14-Apr	World of Birds photography. Amazing lunch (restaurant). Spoke to Trish	8.5	6	Alive (World of Birds)	Perspective.	motivated	Really good. Motivated with AOL. Loved outing. Agitated at times, bit elevated, but generally great.
15-Apr	Boulders Beach with mum. Play with Matt with gun. Baby sit.	8	6	Alive (Boulders beach hide and seek)		connected	Good, excited re AOL, connected to family.
16-Apr	Worked today. Vikings, Game of Thrones	7	6				Pretty good.
17-Apr	Spent day and night with mum. Walk dog with mum.	8	7		Amazing cry to meditation. Atheism quotes not convinced me, stronger in a way to GM.	connected	Good day, feeling strong, connected to mum and Mike. Little agitation.
18-Apr	Home from mum. 5.6 km fun run. Houtbay, icecream, Chapmans Peak, restaurant (Panarotti) with Rusell.	7	6			irritated	Irritated with mum - felt moody in car. Otherwise pretty good. Craving to work on dex, irritated when not able to.
19-Apr	Supported Antony in Two Oceans. Worked hard.	7.5	6			motivated	Pretty good day. Motivated with AOL.
20-Apr	Restaurant: Groot Constantia for Easter breakfast. Lamb dinner with mum.	7.5	5	Alive (Groot Constantia Dungeon with Matt)	Very little meditation.		Good. Too much sugar later, crashed me, but felt ok after work.
21-Apr	Work. Walked with Jo & Ant. Army trucks with Matt.	7.5	7		Beautiful meditation to music. Deep cry.	motivated	Pretty good. Motivated.
22-Apr	Hint Hunt with Russell. Llandadno caching.	7	5			self doubt	Grim in morning - great doubt. Hint Hunt ok, but bit mortifying.
23-Apr	Walk in Tokia with M&M. Restaurant: Constantia Glen with family.	7.5	5				Pretty good. Very little agitation.
24-Apr	Hike up Table Mountain with Russell. Hobit cache. Volleyball at Camp's Bay.	9.5	6.5	Alive (Table Mountain with Russell)	Stillness by reservoir.	alive	Wonderful, fully alive!!!!
25-Apr	Lunch with Pater and Kobus. Drive to Montagu for weekend away with Russell, Corrin, Daana (Peet se Plek).	7	7	Connection (Derek & Kobus)	Stars. 2 shooting stars when pray for Dani.	funny	Good. Make laugh, especially Pater & Kobus. Bit self conscious in car.
26-Apr	Drive round farms (frustrating, walk in farm, paddle along river with Russell.	7	5	Wonder (reflections on Breede)			Frustrated earlier. Feel I need to get away from group a lot.
27-Apr	Paddling with Russell and Brandon - rapids. Sex confessions. Religion talk. Swim.	8	8	Alive (rapids at Breede)	Cry during sunset on river. Birds fly overhead. Reading "Intentions"	funny	Great day. Connected, funny.
28-Apr	Drove home via coffee place and Willow Creek (olive oil.) Sam's dinner - Restaurant: Cattle Barren	8.5	7		Wonder on trip home - mountains.	connected	Connected, funny, my personality flourishing again.
29-Apr	To mum's for night. Walk. Out to Thai restaurant with Liz.	7	5			irritated	Pill not working long - agitated. Took 12 pills. Preoccupied with baldness. Irritated with mum and quiet.
30-Apr	Ratanga Junction - sling shot!	8.5	6	Alive and courage (Ratanga slingshot)	Connected Slingshot	adventurous	Feeling great. Almost no agitation. Motivated. Fun at Ratanga.
1-May	Hike at Silvermine with Russell, Heather, Brendan etc.	8	7		Compass on walk.	connected	Great. Very motivated. Connected. Good cry to music.
2-May	Paragliding with Russell. Sunset over Lion's Head. Lovely takeaway dinner and photos with Jo.	8	5	Alive and courage (paraglide with Russell)		adventurous	Great day. Motivated. Scared at paragliding, but did it. Wonderful after.
3-May	Noordhoek and Chapman's Peak with Jo. Bye Russell.	9	5	Connect (Jo at Noordhoek)		motivated	Fantastic, but 12 pills. Super motivated. Excited re blog.
4-May	Vist Joanna and Steve. Mum & Mike for dinner. Show photo presentation.	7.5	5				Really good. But 12 pills!! Addicted.
5-May	Walked in green belt.	8	7		More connected, more meditation.		Great day - loved walk, cried a bit.
6-May	Dentist. To mum, crochet. Help with comp. Restaurant: Cattle Baron for dinner.	7.5	5			obsessive	Pretty good, bit obsessed with email, took a long time. Don't email on dex. Play it cool.
7-May	Walk in Green Belt. LeeAnn and Steve to dinner at Jo's.	7	7		Lie on seat on patio. Cry and connected. Meditation good.		Ok. Meditation really helped. A nice cry.
8-May	Worked a lot. Saw Rory at Peddlers.	7	6	Connect (Rory)		agitation	Agitation quite high at times. Finished on high.
9-May	Mum visited. Waterfront in evening with Jo.	7	6				10 dex, doing ok. Being helping a lot. Megayawning.
10-May	Matt's hockey. Blog labels. FIFA with Matt.	7.5	6	Inspiration (blog labels)		excited	Stilted at hockey. Very motivated re blog labels.
11-May	Mum for mothers day - Club house lunch. Watched Jo paraglide.	7.5	6			excited	Good. Excited re blog labels.
12-May	Thank you letter to mum. Help with Matt project (Egypt.)	7.5	5				Feeling great, some very good meditations, huge yawning.
13-May	Admin day. Shop to buy paper. Ivor came round.	7	6	Connect (Ivor)	Felt connected at times. Meditation.		Good generally, lots of meditation.
14-May	To mum's for night. Play crochet. Walk at field. Dinner with Norman and Pam.	7	5				Ok.
15-May	Home from mum. Watch Matt play hockey. Write Jo thank you letter. Finish Breaking Bad.	7	6	Connect (love letters to mum & Jo)	Lots of meditation.		Ok. Lots of meditation and yawning.
16-May	Finish thank you letters. Buy Matt game. Mum and Mike for dinner - chocolate mousse!	7.5	6.5		Meditation good. Compass on walk.	loving	Very good. Happy about my thank you notes. Nice treating Matt to a game.
17-May	To Pater & Kobus for lunch. Meet Frida.	8	6		Meditation.	motivated	Super day. Feeling connected and very motivated.
18-May	Farewell to M&M. Tabogoning.	7.5	5	Alive (taboggon)		fun	Good. Motivated re wonder. Fun taboging.
19-May	Heather for lunch at La Cuccina (restaurant) Walk at Houtbay.	8	6		Coonection with Heather.	connected	Good connection with Heather. Little agitation.
20-May	Allison in Camp's Bay. Then massage.	7.5	5			sick	Pretty good considering 8 dex only. Very little agitation. Then sick at night - felt awful.
21-May	Sick (nausea and flu like sypmtoms)	6	2		Angry, irritated.	sick	Nauseous, tired, lots of sleep. But ok, not too sad about home (yet).
22-May	FLY. Travel back to Sydney. Watch Black List.	7.5	6		Closer		Very good. Little agitation. Not too sad. Ejoyed flight.
23-May	FLY. Arrive back 4pm.	7.5	6
24-May	Buy new headphone. Admin. Reunited with mack.	7.5	6				Really good. Too many pills tho (11)
25-May	Charge car battery. Clothes washing. To Sue for dinner.	7.5	7			motivated	Tired with only 5 hours sleep, but good. Very motivated re last night's amazing ideas.
26-May	Email to Matt. Shop. Blog poetry with photos.	9	7	Connect (email to Matt)	Much more connected. Lots of meditation.	alive	So great. Motivated. In control. Connected to people and God.
27-May	Email to Sam. Cooked chicken stew. Jilly for Eckhart.	7.5	7.5	Connect (email to Sam)	Eckhart. Very connected at times.	loving	Amazing, loving, connected cry.
28-May	Opera house email.	7	6.5			elevated	Great at times, anxious at others - re car and Opera house nat geographic. Panic / dread moment.
29-May	Cleaned my bathroom. Fetched car.	7	6			elevated	Very nervous re car. Really happy when ok. Motivated.
30-May	Organise Opera House, humour. Photography: Vivid with Sue.	8.5	7		Lots of meditation. Feeling very connected.	excited	Amazing day actually. Very excited re humour. Also being very methodical with planning, doing.
31-May	Amazing hike to Mermaid Pools and canyon. Sue farewell.	8	7	Alive and wonder (Mermaid Pools)	Very connected at times in beautiful nature.	alive	Super. Love the hike. Enjoy photos.
1-Jun	To Jilly for computer.	5	5			depressed	Great until ceiling started leaking. At Jilly, felt very low. Better later.
2-Jun	Mal, plumber, came to fix leak. Dr Cosgrove.	6.5	5	Alive: Leak in ceiling easy to fix.		elevated	Very anxious early. Got better. Total high later (13 pills).
3-Jun	Walked to St Leonards fro drugs. Vivid with Sue for photography. Haircut.	7.5	10		Very connected (LOVE) in cry and times at Vivid.		Huge cry (x4) to music. Feel especially good at Vivid.
4-Jun	Big Room clean. To Nic group	7.5	8		Very connected, love.		Huge cry to music.
5-Jun	Chrisel to see comedy.	7.5	5	Alive (Comedy Store with Chrisel)	Danger - going against resolution. To be open and honest.	elevated	Agitated after 1 hour. Cry to music. Very sleep (1 hour sleep) Enjoyed evening, if a bit elevated. Coedy amazing. Chrisel so beautiful.
6-Jun	Email to Chrisel re camera. Drive to Blue Mountains.	7.5				funny	Great, connected, funny, attractive
7-Jun	Hike to Giant Castle with Liz, Zante, Lauren. Thai dinner (restaurant) with 5 girls!! Pool. Photography.	9	7	Alive and connected (Blue Mountains with hiking group)	Connected.	alive	Great, connected, funny, attractive
8-Jun	Hike Valley of 1000 Waters. Scrabble.	9	7	Alive and connected (Blue Mountains with hiking group)	Connected.	connected	Really wonderful. Connected, funny, attractive.
9-Jun	Horse riding. Lunch in Blackheath. Drive home with Lauren.	9	7	Alive (horseriding)		alive	Wonderful. Such a great weekend.
10-Jun	Blogged weekend photos. To Jilly for soup and Eckhart.	6.5	7		Connected during Eckhart & huge cry.	irritated	Irritated with Internet for being slow. Agitated at times. Unmotivated. Frustrated. A huge cry to meditation.
11-Jun	Pruned garden.	7	6.5		Love when meditate.		Pretty good. Huge cries to meditation. Some agitation after working.
12-Jun	Played tennis with Brendan (4-6) Went shopping. Cooked chicken stew.	7	6.5		Meditate, cry.	elevated	Elevated & self conscious playing tennis. Some strongish agitation. Big cries to music.
13-Jun	Shopping for light fixture + paint	7.5	6				Good, not too much agitation. Enjoyed shopping.
14-Jun	Sanded stairs. Chris over. Cinema: "Two Face of January" with Liz, Nic, Lauren. Restaurant: Radio Cairo. Called Sue.	7.5	6			motivated	Pretty good. Motivated again re AOL and Humour.
15-Jun	Cinema: "How to Tame Your Dragon 2" with Chrisel.	9	6	Alive and connected (Dragon movie and meal with Chrisel)	Full moon rising.	smitten	Wonderful. Loved my date, felt connected.
16-Jun	Bunnings to replace + buy.	7.5	5				Great in morning, worked 3 hours with no agitation. Ok rest, ended day agitated.
17-Jun	Sanding. Cut wires on alarm. Eckhart at Jilly.	7	8		Eckhart amazing, very calm after.
18-Jun	Sand bannister & doors.	7.5	8		Huge love and cry to music (choir descant)	motivated	Pretty good. Motivated.
19-Jun	Research CMS (wordpress), find electrician, sanding	7.5	8		Very connected at time, amazing cry.	motivated	Motivated mostly. Good day. Struggled to get down to sanding tho.
20-Jun	Electrician, sanding, clean guest ceiling.	8	6			motivated	Really good, much more motivated re house, in control.
21-Jun	Breakfast with Jilly, Chris, Jilly. Buy Kindle for Liz. Sand table. Liz 40th party. Overnight at hotel.	8.5	8		Deep love for Chris.	excited	Really great. Excited re DIY. Loving to Chris - sms.
22-Jun	Breakfast at Westin Hotel (Liza's birhday). Home to work on humour. Nap.	7.5	7			motivated	Pretty good. Motivated.
23-Jun	High pressure garden, plant	8	6.5		Connected to music		Motivated, excited.
24-Jun	Bunnings, sanding. To Liz to help with Kindle	7.5	6			motivated	Good. Motivated re DIY. Buyers high
25-Jun	Sanding all day. To Nic group - spirit group.	7	4		Bad re Chrisel - guilty	tired	Ok, heavy, hard day. Tired at times. Need to hurry. Thinking a lot, not present.
26-Jun	DIY all day, applying undercoat.	7	3		Irritated with myself a lot, and Life while DIYing.	irritated	Ok, but irritated a lot of day and sore back. Taking too long.
27-Jun	DIY undercoat, shopping at Bunnings. Hair cut.	6.5	5		Better. Compassion for Women who stole George's phone.	frustrated	Frustrated with slow pace of DIY and with self a lot -spilling paint, dust. Wish I had not done bannister. Corners. Uuugh.
28-Jun	Sanding, especially chairs. Shopped and cleaned. Cooked lamb shanks.	7.5	6		Saw Eckhart like person who waved. Cried.		Ok, lot to do, overspent ($400), but little agitation.
29-Jun	Amazing day with Chrisel picnic, walk around Waverton, home for lamb shanks). 9 hours. Connected deeply. Lovely food.	9	7	Alive and connected (picnic & lamb shanks with Chrisel)	Deep cry and love to music.	smitten	Connected, smitten, wind swept, full, confident, uncertain on next move.
30-Jun	Compass into Excel. Sanded table and chairs.	7.5	5				Good. But wished I'd done more DIY.
1-Jul	Bannister undercoat. Eckhart at Jilly.	7	7		Deep cry to music. Eckhart.	smitten	Good. Hard to get to work, but fine once started. Lots of thinking re Chrisel.
2-Jul	Sanding bannister. Bunnings.	5	6.5		Much closer. Priorities back. Little angry.	hopeless	Problem with masturbation - set off quite a lot of pain.
3-Jul	Bannister, patio chairs, Bunnings	8	10	Love (Quanta Qualia video)	Deeply connected, Freke video, beautiful music.	depressed	Woke up depressed. Rest of day great though, working, feeling spiritually connected.
4-Jul	Sand front door, finish chairs	7	7		Connected, music	melancholy	Huge sad cries, lots of Dani thoughts. Later in day, better
5-Jul	Buy dessert ingredients. Cook Tiramisu and mousse. To Andreas for dinner.	7	10		Extremely connected, deep love and crying in car and to music.	excited	Pretty good. Enjoy cooking.
6-Jul	Chrisel's place for babootie & walk (date). Listen to her play.	8	8	Alive and connected (babootie at Chrisel)	Connected	connected	Connected, to Chrisel and spiritually.
7-Jul	Sanded guest cupboard & doors.	8	10		Deep, deep crying and love to music.	motivated	Great most of day. Motivated. Pumping later on pill at computer.
8-Jul	Paint chairs + table. To Eckhart at Jilly's.	6.5	7		Connected to music, at Eckhart (talk re suicide)		Dampener to discover how low rents are. So, so day. Irritated with Jilly.
9-Jul	Paint in guest room. To Nic group. Brazil lose 7-1!	7.5	8		Connected, cry even without music.	connected	Good all day. 11.15 pm and hardly agitated.
10-Jul	Guest room ceiling, doors, Bunnings.	7.5	7		Connected, lots meditation.		Good. 7 pills working. Agitated, blitzed by meditation. Crying.
11-Jul	Advertise for roommate. Ceiling of guest room. Clean.	6.5	6.5		Lost it a bit.	demotivated	So, so. Bit unmotivated with house. Sex thing on slow burner.
12-Jul	Undercoat guest room doors.	5.5	4		Angry at times.	demotivated	Demotivated re sex (masturbation). On mind a lot. Hopeless. Otherwise ok, not too bad.
13-Jul	Meet Up. Hike Collaroy to Manly.	5.5	6			depressed	Low intensity depression on hike and early am. Obsessive thoughts re sex, draining. Better at home on pill.
14-Jul	Paint downstairs doors. Watch Edge of Tomorrow	6.5	5.5				So, so. Sex not so strong, but still bugging me.
15-Jul	Paint doors and windows. Jilly Eckhart.	7	6		Eckhart.	connected	Better. Less obsessions.
16-Jul	Paint front door green. Nic group.	8	9		Nic. HUGE cry.	excited	Excited about DIY coming along. Amazing, amazing cry. Felt peaceful all pm and night after.
17-Jul	Cleaned house for inspections with Jelena and Matt	7	8		Connected, joy on walk, all so amazing. Laugh out loud.	driven	Feel must hurry, bit anxious re intervies, indecisive after
18-Jul	Aborted tennis and coffee with Brendan. Housemate stuff and AOL. Shopping & cooking. To Chrisel to take chicken soup (she was sick)	7	8	Connected (chicken soup for Chrisel)	Very aware, keeping me sane in midst of uncertainty.	elevated	Anxious re housemates. Decisions on who. Making them hang on. Matt assertive, rent too much. Excited re AOL. Connected to Chrisel, amazing chat, feeling bad I'm making her feel for me.
19-Jul	Met Marine and Damien (housemates). Met Matt and Shamina. Matt it is. Bunnings to buy paint.	6.5	7.5		Connected, cry with love	relieved	Morning anxiety, helped a lot by floor work.
20-Jul	Painted guest room. Got paint from Bunnings (Hogs Bristle to full strength.)	7	7			worried	Concerned about paint. Enjoyed AOL later, felt movivated. Recovering from toxic few days.
21-Jul	Painted guest room. Bunnings to buy book. Coles. Cooking of chicken stew. Movie: Captain America 2.	7	5			irritated	Very irritated with self for dropping paint, mopping up paint. Bully!!
22-Jul	Painted guest room (walls) Jilly Eckhart.	8	7	Alive (Hogbristle is great!)	Felt love for myself when looked in mirror. Beautiful smile.	excited	Excited re room. Felt connected and present at Jilly's. My consiousness shone there.
23-Jul	Painted guest room (ceiling) Nic group	7	10	Love to music (Robert Glass)	Deepest cry (God!) to Robert Glass music. Laugh out loud at Nic. So what!	spiritual high	Tired of DIY. Irritated. Ready to finish.
24-Jul	Painted guest room - bathroom, quality control.	7	6		Lost last night's connection.	in control	Room nearly done and looking great.
25-Jul	Finishing touches to room. Created system reports for activities. Matt dropped off stuff.	7	5			tired	Relieved room is done. Bit apprehensive about Matt - feel need to impress him.
26-Jul	Worked on system - amazing graphs. Matt moved in.	6.5	6		Very litle meditation.	unsettled	Excited re system - bit consumed. Unsettled with Matt. Feel stuped with DIY. Taken so long. Insecure about Chrisel coming - need to have ready.
27-Jul	Chrisel came round. Breakfast. Opera House for underwater presentation. Walk in Botanical Garden. Lindt cafee for chocolate heaven.	8	5	Alive and connecred: Opera House, botanical garden with Chrisel		alive	Stressed because running late for train. Hated 1st bit of presentation, self conscious. Got better. Alive after with Chrisel. Amazing!!
28-Jul	To Sue to help with car images, dinner, sheep cartoon	8	6		Low on meditation.	strong	Wake midday. Still alive from yesterday. Nostalgic doing year view. Cry in car with love.
29-Jul	Hair Number 2. Jilly for Eckhart. Watch Africa	7	6		Eckhart great. Low meditation.	hyper	Motivated but hyper from coffee. Agitated later in evening, but ok. Very tired.
30-Jul	Work on system, all info moved across. Cinema: Dawn of the Planet of The Apes. Watch Africa	7.5	8		So connected on walk despite low dop levels. Touch of joy.	motivated	Excited re system - bit consumed. Bit of agitation, lass pill at 3 pm. Scream after movie "I won't believe you anymore!" Irritation.
31-Jul	Went to get drugs. To Chrisel to get bed. Watch Africa	7	6.5		Low, irritation, medition shallow. Cried during Africa - death of elephant. Love, wonder.	irritated	Angry with low dopamine condition. Agitated later in day, hungry for pill (8)
1-Aug	Get pills, Coles shopping, cinema: Lucy with Chrisel, then Mamak restaurant	8	5			motivated	Motivated with AOL, Compass. Mixed re Chrisel - comfortable, but less attractive with glasses, illness.
2-Aug	To Liz for Italian dinner	7.5	6.5		In car. Compass. Read Hawkins	strong	Enjoyed connecting with Liz. Felt good, little agitation. Late night - tired.
3-Aug	To Sappho Books (restaurant) with Liz, Lauren, Zante, Gavin	7.5	6		Mantra	self conscious	Made people laugh but felt self conscious at times. Not as relaxed. Very little agitation. Power of 1 pill later amazing. Conscious of Matt in house.
4-Aug	Paint bannister. Cosgrove.	7	7.5		Deep love to music.	neutral	Great cry to music. Times of peace, also agitation late. Tired, good catnap.
5-Aug	Sue and Alex want deposit. Financial implics. With Sue to Telstra. Jilly Eckhart. BBC Africa.	5	6		Hawkins in car. Eckhart.	struggling	Semi depressed in morning due to deposit. Intense agitation at times. Compulsive mind.
6-Aug	Painted bannister - a lot!	8	7.5		Beautiful cry to Secret Garden.	motivated	Very motivated with painting, little agitation, powered ahead! Feel good later.
7-Aug	Saw Neri at Oaks	7	5			neutral	Painting not great. Neri was draining. But 3 pills was good. 1 pill late was good.
8-Aug	Bank for Alex deposit. Buy juice, Africa DVD, Bunnings. Speak to Lydia re her site.	8.5	6.5		Guided.	excited	Amazing day on 6 pills. Power of half pill!! Felt good whole day. Motivated re AOL. Excited re weekend. Compass better.
9-Aug	Drive to Central Coast for weekend away with Chrisel. Maitland Bay - swim. Lovely restaurant for starters galore in little bay.	8	5	Alive and connected (Chrisel, swim in Maitland Bay, meal)		smitten	Attracted to Chrisel. Smitten. More self conscious than usual, more pressure to impress. When to bring up attraction?
10-Aug	Central Coast with Chrisel. Forrester's beach. Stirfry. Admit attraction.	6	3		very low	compelled	Whole day, feel like I must admit attraction. Did and felt immediately low on consciousness. Stressed, indecisive.
11-Aug	Snowpiercer at the cinema	5	4		low	struggling	Up and down. Motivated when high, depressed when down re Chrisel and sex.
12-Aug	Sand bannister. Jilly for Eckhart	5.5	5		Eckhart	obsessive	Motivated about AOL (wine) Obsessive thoughts re Chrisel. Depressed in am.
13-Aug	Paint bannister (gloss). Departures. Detective.	7.5	6.5		Deep cry to music. Eckhart.	motivated	Much better today. Painting great. AOL great. Still obsessing tho.
14-Aug	Pain bannister	6	6			obsessive	Obsessed re Chrisel. Little agitation, but downish.
15-Aug	Paint bannister. Divergent.	6	6		Cry music under cloudy sky	obsessive	Obsessed with Chrisel. Make move or not. Weekend planning.
16-Aug	Weekend away at Central Coat with Chrisel. Breakfast at restaurant. Watch Notebook. Dinner at Italian restaurant.	7	6			smitten	Feeling good, but pressure to be entertaining and make good conversation. Anxious later re sex.
17-Aug	Yoga with Chrisel. Shopping with Chrisel. Walk at beach.	8	7		Connected that nothing happened with Chrisel.	smitten	Totally in lust during yoga. Pressure to entertain.
18-Aug	Start Lydia site.	6	6.5		HUGE cry. Some love.	agitation	Motivated at work but deep melancholy and agitation re Chrisel.
19-Aug	Jilly Eckhart. Lydia site.	7	7		More connected. Eckhart. Mediation.	longing	Motivated re Lydia's site. Agitation, but bearable. Longing for relationship.
20-Aug	Lydia site.	7	10		HUGE cries. Lots music + meditation.	connected	Good day, agitation sometimes, but deeply connected. HUGE loving cries.
21-Aug	Lydia site.	7	8	Inspired (Lydia site)	Massive cry to music. Love.	motivated	Big work day. Loving work.
22-Aug	Daytime walk. Bunnings. Fix doorhandle.	8	6			motivated	Very motivated re AOL. Happy Lydia site good.
23-Aug	To North Sydney pubs with Chrisel	8	7	Connected (pub with Chrisel)	Connected with Chrisel, so glad not sex.	connected	Comfortable with Chrisel. Beautiful friendship.
24-Aug	Meetup Hike Apple Tree Bay - bull ant	9	8		Connected on hike and Rodriguez.	elated	Loved the hike. Motivated re AOL. Connected. Hopeful re girlfriend. Little agitation.
25-Aug	To Dr - must check again for arthritus.	6.5	6			agitated	Quite tough after dr (arthritus) Very tired - napping galore. . Pill obliterated it though.
26-Aug	Buy washing machine. Jilly for Eckhart.	7	6		Eckhart	scared	Motivated at work, some agitation.
27-Aug	Day walk. To Nick group	7.5	6		Nic, read Hawkins	motivated	Loving AOL. Worried re health.
28-Aug	Shopping at Woolies.	7	6.5		Some love	strong	Pretty strong apart from 1 agitation bout (big cry)
29-Aug	Clean bathroom. Plumber in. Move "to do" to excel. Day walk (Berry Island). Cook. Lots of True Detective	8	6.5		Meditation deep without music. Mantra.	strong	Great, motivated day in real world. Making a difference.
30-Aug	Clean up System. To pharmacy (run in)	7	6			motivated	Motivated re System. But lots of worries and some agitation.
31-Aug	Hike at Muogamarra Nature Reserve with Chrisel.	8	6.5	Alive and connected (Muogamarra Nature Reserve)	Lots of meditation.	strong	Almost no agitation. Little forced with Chrisel (conversation). But very enjoyable day.
1-Sep	To St Leonards for dex. To Dr to check joints (clear). Fargo.	6.5	5		Irritation with universe for low dopamine.	tired	Agitation (dex not working) Lots of sleeping. Feeling a bit sick.
2-Sep	Jilly Eckhart. Fixed Matt's door. Specced fan. Fargo.	7	6			motivated	Motivated with AOL. Intense melancholy to huge cry. Chrisel obsession. Longing for sexual relationship. Deeply connected at Jilly,
3-Sep	Day walk. Nic group	7.5	7		Nic, cry.	motivated	Go AOL.
4-Sep	Day walk. To Bavarian beer café (restaurant) with Andreas.	8	8		Loving in music.	motivated	with AOL. Connected with Andreas. Sleeping working well. Huge cry (nose)
5-Sep	Hair done. Jilly to help with computer. To watch Peter Miller Robinson sing.	7.5	10		Pray for peace while music - vast and deep.	motivated	Sex obsessions. Longing for relationship. Huge cry to music. Jilly computer sucked me dry.
6-Sep	Work	7	7		Love to music	motivated	Good on whole. Tired, plenty of sleep.
7-Sep	Sappho book store with Liz & co. Magic in the Moonlight (cinema) with Chrisel. Restaurant after.	7.5	7	Alive: Magic in Moonlight Connection with Chrisel at dinner		connected	Smitten with Chrisel, connected, self conscious at breakfast
8-Sep	Finished Fargo. Shopping at Woolworths. Wikileaks doco.	7	4		Irritated.	irritated	Ok. Irritated. Scream at moon.
9-Sep	Source hiking map. Clean room and kitchen. Jilly Eckhart	6.5	5			irritated	Pill didn't work at times, agitation, better at Jilly's. Intense irritation.
10-Sep	3x walks. Nic group.	9	8		Strong. Intention, compass	peace	Wellbeing, peaceful, excited, motivated.
11-Sep	Tennis with Brendan. (evenly matched). To cinema: Boyhood with Karin & co	8	10	Love to music	LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to music. So powerful.	spiritual high	Emotional but peaceful. Letting go into it. Letting go.
12-Sep	Help Jilly with computer. To cinema: The 100 Foot Journey with Jilly, Craig	8	8	Alive: The 100 Foot Journey	Connected	peace	Wonderful peace with letting go despite intense longing for relationship. Tired at Jilly.
13-Sep	Walk to Berry Island - take photos. Sex strategy.	10	8	Alive (photo flowers, Berry Island)	Connected.	elated	Peaceful, so hopeful I've reached critical mass.
14-Sep	Hike to Mermaid Pools. Edit photos.	8	6.5	Alive (intro hiking gang to Mermaid Pool)	Nature.	happy	Tired because didn't sleep well. Loved hike, but bit self conscious. Feel need to impress.
15-Sep	Walk in sun. To cinema: Predestination.	7	7			emotional	Very emotional today, lots of crying on walk and to music.
16-Sep	To Jilly for Eckhart (Gregg Baden)	3	5			depressed	Deep pain re sex (masturbation last night.) Tough, tough day, melancholy, frustration, mind whirls.
17-Sep	To Nic group	6.5	6.5		Irritated during day, connected later.	vulnerable	Intense melancholy and pain in morning, then got lot better. Intense irritation at times. By evening, feel much stronger.
18-Sep	To Eden to get balcony plants. To Bunnings. To Woolworths.	4	7	Alive (balcony now beautiful)	Connected, irritation gone, pain made me go deeper	depressed	Sex obsessions. Pain and melancholy very intense at times. Trying to keep mindful, see as opp to practice. Challenging.
19-Sep	Wake late (11 pm) To Dr for sleep pill. To Jilly to help with computer. Bunnings for table. Set up balcony. Clean house.	7.5	8		Low meditation, but some moments of deep connection.	recovering	Much better. No depression. No crying. Took half pill after 3 (maybe why?)
20-Sep	Chocolate tour with Chrisel. To pub (The Clock) with Chrisel's Spanish friends, Angel & co. Chrisel stayed night.	7	7	Alive (choc tour with Chrisel)	Loving at Hyde park pub. Deep connection with Chrisel.	mixed	Enjoyed tour a lot but icky at times. Not flowing with Chrisel and frends as much as would like. Tired and too much to drink later.
21-Sep	Block walk with Chrisel. To Manly with friends. Walk Shelley Beach and cliffs. Watch Edge of Tomorrow with Chrisel in bed.	7	6		Almost no meditation.	mixed	Chrisel "Confused re love at first sight." Believes will happen. Shows not important for lasting relationship. "You desserve more" So do you. Feel bit deflated. Chrisel not attracted to me??
22-Sep	Woke late. (11 pm) Watched The Prestige with Chrisel in bed.	7	6	Connection (movies in bed with Chrisel)	No meditation	mixed	So, so during day. Feel it when Chrisel late. Missing her. Love watching movie. And laughing with Matt and partner at dinner.
23-Sep	Jilly for Eckhart	7.5	10		Love to music and several times in day.	motivated	Feel much better. Pain when Chrisel left house, some deep crying and LOVE. Great at Jilly.
24-Sep	Wrote letter for Chrisel. To restaurant (Radio Cairo) with Chrisel to say farewell.	7.5	7	Connection (letter to Chrisel) Deep sharing re purpose with Chrisel	Felt connected.	connected	Difficult at first to get started (pill weak) but then great. Lovely evening.
25-Sep	Farewell Chrisel. Electrician fix lights. To cinema: The Eqqualizer	7	7		Connected.	good	Not too bad about Chrisel. Nice cry. Not much agitation.
26-Sep	Walk Mack and drop at Liza. Woolies shopping. To Meet Up spirituality discussion (Karin)	8	7		Connected.	good	Very little agitation - little bit much later. Really good, motivated.
27-Sep	Drive to Blue Mountains (Six Foot Track) for Meet Up camping. Hike. Camp life.	7.5	7		Connected.	alive	Great to get out. Comfortable with others. "Camp creep" made me feel little upset.
28-Sep	Hike. See snake swimming. Great swim. Drive home. Photos.	8	9	Wonder (snake swimming) Courage: Bridge Climb.	Connected. Compass. Wonder of nature.	alive
29-Sep	Birthday. To Sue to see her Arctic photos. To restaurant: The Oaks for sole and crumble.	7.5	8		Love to classical music.	connected	Close to Sue. Close to consciousness. Fared well on 5.5 pills.
30-Sep	To Jilly for Eckhart. Christina talked re paedophilia.	8	9		Love to music. Eckhart.	content	Great day, loving, connected, motivated. Very little pain.
1-Oct	To get dex. To meditation (cancelled).	8	7		Connected. But mind very active.	progress	Great. Motivated. Much better re sex. (cherry on top) Really making progress.
2-Oct	To cinema: Gone Girl	6.5	9		Love in car, on walk. Stillness on walk. Mantra in morning.	frustrated	Sex things again, due to problem with porn and last night. Coloured whole day. Also, tired due to short sleep.
3-Oct	Bank account look at. Dinner with Matt and folks	7.5	7	Alive: Funny with Matt's folks.	Connected. Mantra.	motivated	Good most of day. Motivated in work.
4-Oct	Hike Pylons Lookout and Blue Gum forest. Camping overnight.	9	9	Spiritual connection in forest, moon. Alive: swim Inspiration (photos)		elated	Love hiking, comfortable with group, funny, peaceful, spiritual, connected.
5-Oct	Hike Victoria Falls and out. Luch at pub. Drive home. Photos till late.	9	10	Spiritual love (bug on window)	Mantra. Love at bug on carwindow. "You’re the only thing that matters to me."	elated	So comfortable with group, connected, spiritual.
6-Oct	Blog hiking photos + Facebook. Do Sue's arctic photos, to cinema with Karin to see "The Most Wanted Man."	7	7		So, so. Mantra.	excited	Loving the blog, likes on Facebook. But very little space. Tired, driven.
7-Oct	To Jilly Eckhart (Adya)	8	6.5		Mantra, Adya.	motivated	especially around blog. No pain, worries. Good!
8-Oct	To workshop: erotic meditation.	7.5	7		Mantra, meditation movement exercise.	motivated	Rampant while working. Strong, motivated. Tired (not enough sleep.) Bit manic?
9-Oct	Took Mack to vet with Liza. To tennis Meet Up. (Serena, Joyce, Lydia) To Coles for shopping.	7.5	6.5		Big cry.	good	Amazing cry.
10-Oct	Elctrician got fan working. Tennis with Brendan (6:3)	7	6		So, so. Mantra.	motivated	AOL wonderful. Agitation but not bad. Very tired (not enough sleep)
11-Oct	Hike Mount Jellore with hiking gang. To Opera House for Exreme Adventure (Bryan Smith)	7.5	7.5	Wonder (intro montage at Opera House)	Cried with Opera House montage (beauty of world)	excited	Re Opera House. Bit of agitation on hike, self conscious with Gavin. "Dad jokes"
12-Oct	Worked a lot on blog. Hiking photos.	8	6		So, so. Mantra.	motivated	So motivated re blog. Great day.
13-Oct	To Cosgrove. Dani emailed re moving in with new partner.	7	7		Connected.	mixed	Motivated through day. Tired, good nap. Surge of pain with Dani, good cry, then ok.
14-Oct	To Deborah to discuss sex. To Nic group.	5	9		Very connected, joy in touch meditation.	depressed	Times when felt bad re Dani being in relationship. Managed not to engage with mind too much.
15-Oct	Presentation by Behram	5	7		Connected, but irritated too.	depressed	Lots of grief re Dani. Old wounds opened. Deep, deep crying.
16-Oct	Hair done. Tennis Meet Up.	4	4.5		Intense irritation, then forgiveness. Better.	depressed	Tired, depressed especially at tennis. Ok working. Melancholy. Bruised.
17-Oct	Shop. Drive to Barrington Tops.	7	10	Spiritual cry I surrender to you, burn my ego)	Huge cry "I surrender to you. Burn my ego."	mixed	Huge cry. "I surrender to you." Great drive.
18-Oct	Meet Up Weekend away. Hike to top of Carey's Peak. Stars.	8	6	Connection (Elna)	Not that connected. No mantra.	connected	Great to be in nature. Wanting to impress girls. Feels a bit empty.
19-Oct	Morning hike at lodge, hike with Ken. Meditate by river. Port with Ken. Stars.	10	10	Connection (Ken) Spirit connection in forest (love)	Spiritual love in forest. Beautiful medition by river. So connected. Deeply bless Dani.	spiritual high	So peaceful and in love in forest with life and consciousness. Melancholic when alone, then spiritual high by river.
20-Oct	Hike at William's River. Drive home. Photos till 2 am.	7.5	8		Still connected.	calm	Lovely drive home. Still deeply connected.
21-Oct	Photos on blog. To Jilly for Eckhart (Pelma on mindful meditation)	7.5	7		So, so. Memories.	blog struck	Much better day at home. Dani pain not painful.
22-Oct	To Nic group. Discuss jealousy.	7.5	8		Beautiful cry to music.	motivated	Enjoying work. Feeling much better. Big cry.
23-Oct	Swim 600 m. Meet Up hike through Waverton to Lane Cove.	7.5	8		Connected, big cry. Emotional listening to jazz	motivated	Amazing during day, at ease on hike, agitated and Dani ridden later in evening, big cry.
24-Oct	Letter to Dani. Shopping for camping.	7	10	sharing & openess (Dani letter) Wave of a cry.	HUGE cry. So connected.	connected	HUGe cry, like on a wave. Sublime beyond belief. Agitated later in day.
25-Oct	To Wingello. Hike in forest.	6	6	alive (photo black cockatoo)	Car drive ok. Not feeling it.	deflated	Lara liked Indian guy not me. Felt deflated, not even slightest interested in her! Couldn't find keys - such a stressful rush.
26-Oct	Hike Wingello (into river, black snake) To Bundoona to Fairy Bower. Home for photos.	7	6	alive (snake, climb down to river with Joe)	So, so	semi elated	Dani thoughts and sex. But loved hike, especially river, snake and Fairy Bower waterfall.
27-Oct	Sick as dog (throat) Photos most of day. Tennis with Serena. Homeland.	5	5		Low	sick	Motivated re photos. But sick as dog, low on consciousness. Compulsive need for comments.
28-Oct	Sicker (flu like symptoms.) Work on blog labels most of day.	5	5		Low	sick	Mind is susceptible. Dani and sex thoughts. Tired. Feverish. Huge doubt in evening, doubt everything.
29-Oct	Sick. Work on blog labels. 2014 priceless moments. Reference letter for Su and Alex.	6.5	8	release (huge cry)	Deep wonder and crying on walk. Hug tree.	semi sick	Tough start, hit by truck. Melancholy at times. Better in afternoon. Need to cry (blocked melancholy)
30-Oct	Sick (cold breaks) To Dr. Blog labels. Pay expenses. To cinema: Whiplash	6	7	alive: Whiplash, mum pay fare to SA	Huge cry	emotional	Melancholy, agitation. Massive cry went on and on, building. Excited re movie & SA. Not suffering too much.
31-Oct	Sick (cold) To get dex. Blog priceless moments & labels. To Liz to plan Tasmania.	6	6		Lowish	intense unease	Zyprexa cold turkey hell (Dani, feeling in penis) Tired. Nose streaming. 12 pills so some work highs too. Tired.
1-Nov	Worked on blog (priceless moments)	7.5	6.5		Neutral	motivated	Loving blog and AOL. Nostalgic re Dani memories. Some melancholy but mostly strong.
2-Nov	To Le Perouse for Meet Up hike.	7.5	6	Photographing Le Persouse coast.	Photography, felt it. Angry with consciousness re computer.	engaged	Loved Le Perouse and photography and connecting. But sex issue, icky feeling at times, huge urge to impress. Irritated with computer later. Zyprexa withdrawals?
3-Nov	To cinema: Fury	6	6		Mantra in car brought me back from obsession.	obsessed	Sex whirls with emotion. Quite motivated with AOL and Wisdom Trove, but sex clouded it, especially later in movie.
4-Nov	Jilly for Eckhart group.	6	6.5			semi depressed	Work ok, but palled by bits of depression. Strong after 4 hrs work. Huge cry to music, then felt tons better. Semi depressed at Jilly. Penis feeling and sex.
5-Nov	To Sculptures by Sea with Sue. Edit photos. To Nick group. Blog photos.	7.5	6.5	Edit Scultures By Sea photos.		creative	Excited re photos but lots of grit too. Really felt photography. Becoming inspired. Emotions got great towards end of day.
6-Nov	Worked on 2011 priceless moments (blog). Worked on Sue's photos. Cleaned house. Tennis with Lydia.	7	6			improved	Much less depression feelings today. Lots of nostalgia re past. Great catnap which needed. Still thinking of Dani a lot.
7-Nov	Cat naps very powerful.	7	5.5		Little irritated.	mixed	Motivated at work, enjoying blog. But getting to work hard, agitation. Agsty at times, cat nap good. Little cry in shower. Feeling a little battered from past weeks?
8-Nov	Tennis Meet Up. Worked on 2009 Priceless Moments	7	6.5		Little bit of love.	ok	Anxious at tennis, especially at start. Improved. Enjoyed blog work
9-Nov	Hike (along coast to Woolongong) Work on photos.	7	6	Pool by lighthouse		semi good	Enjoy walk, especially later after swim. Little agitated earlier, in train.
10-Nov	To cinema: Interstellar. Dinner at Japanese place next door to Event Cinema.	7.5	6.5		Bit more	great	Felt strong all day, almost no agitation until very late. Movie was engrossing.
11-Nov	Walk - chat with Lizzy. To Jilly for Eckhart	7.5	7		Eckhart	motivated	Loving AOL (Home) Pretty good all day. Rampant on 1 pill after Jilly.
12-Nov	Walk block. Blog more Dani photos + photo jobs. To Nic group.	7	5.5		Irritated a bit	nostalgic	Photos fo Dani make me nostalgic, bitter sweet longing. No crying (blocked _ no music) Feel quite melancholic.
13-Nov	Chatswood bush walk (7km) Bavarian caffee.	6	3		Irritated. Slight connec at end.	irritated	Agitated and irritated. Dani obsessed and semi depressed in hike. Cry to music.
14-Nov	To cinema: Radical Reels.	7.5	6		So, so	good	Good day. Motivated. Enjoyed Radical Reels but very anxious Dani was there.
15-Nov	Dinner with Shanista and Matt. Blog 2007 labels	7.5	8		Very connected through music and Handel story	good	Much better. Almost no agitation.
16-Nov	Hiking with Meet Up. To Central Coast Hike (Palm Beach, Maitland Bay, Putty Beach) Work on photos till late.	8.5	6.5	Maitland Bay swim and rock leaping with Srini.	ok	free	Great day, lovely to be out, unselfconscious, fun.
17-Nov	Admin + blogging. Tennis with Serena	7.5	7		Cry to Beethoven.	fine	Pretty good during day. Bit agitated during tennis.
18-Nov	To cinema: Finding Vivien Maier. Dinner with Sue.	7	9		Cry to Mozart. Love. Movie Finding Vivien Maier	motivated	Motivated. Agitated during + after movie.
19-Nov	Walk. Dani memories. To Nic group.	7.5	7		Deep cry to Secret Garden. Love.	motivated	Motivated with AOL (cats, horses) Nice walk. Bittersweet but healthy Dani memories. Worked long and fine.
20-Nov	Cleand house, fix gate, shopping. Start The Fall	7	6			mixed	Good during day, motivated with AOL. But agitation later.
21-Nov	Tnnis cancelled. To cinema "To Kill a Mockingjay"	6.5	5			mixed	Fine earlier. Agitation during movie + after.
22-Nov	To Shoalhave River hike. Drive there. Hike in. Swim. Camp.	7.5	6.5	Swim in Shoalhaven river, also lilo.		loving nature	Only 5 pills. Late night, very tired in car. Nap. Enjoy day, but strong need to impress (Sara, Liddy)
23-Nov	Shoalhaven hike. Hike out. Pub for lunch. Edit photos and blog. 3 am sleep.	8	7	By the river, early am.	Bit of compass (hike up). Beauty of nature.	loving nature	Great day. More peaceful.
24-Nov	Cosgrove - got Xanax! Walk.	9	7			elated	Motivated, strong, elated. Almost hyper later.
25-Nov	To park with Mack. Jilly Eckhart.	7.5	7		Eckhart. Music cry.	motivated	Enjoying AOL (death) Tired a bit, little agitated at Jilly, altogether good.
26-Nov	To Jilly for phone. To Nic group (Camillo quit job)	8.5	7	Big hug with Jilly, declare love.	Compass, Nic	motivated	Loving Wisdom Trove, elated, even manic at times, able to work long hours, agitated only at 10.30 pm.
27-Nov	Fixed gate. Worked on AOL (death).	7.5	7		Cry to YouTube of Matt dancing with all people round world.	motivated	Motivated, good, but agitated too, due to tiredness I think.
28-Nov	Hair cut. Shopping at Coles. Paint gate. Clean car. Drive with Srini to Kangaroo Valley for camping.	7	6.5			motivated	Strong agitation at times, handled through sleeping and meditation.
29-Nov	Hike to flooded forest. Only 3 pills for hike. Pub for dinner.	8	6.5	Swim at flooded forest.	Mantra on walk up.	loving nature	3 pills only for most of day, but ok. Got bit drunk later to help. Feeling pretty good. Funy.
30-Nov	Hike in Kangaroo Valley to 3 views. Pie place. Pub. Drive home with Srini (heart to heart)	8	7	Cliff outlooks. Editing photos		connected	Great day. Loved hike. Connected.
1-Dec	Tennis with Serena.	7.5	7			motivated	Good, motivated. Agitation only later after tennis.
2-Dec	Jilly for movie "The Human Experience"	8.5	9		The Human Experience, the joy and wonder of life	connected	Motivated, happy, spiritually connected, connected to Jilly and co. Tell Jilly and co re my spiritual experience.
3-Dec	Car to garage. To Nic Group (Camillo pregant!!)	6	7		Glimpses of love. Meditation x 2. Cry music.	flat	Worried re car - call. Tired, flat, worried re money. Enjoyed AOL. Bit doubtful tho.
4-Dec		7.5	9	Joy to Beethoven and big release.	Very connected to music, joy, love. Hallelujah (Jesus song)	motivated	Very motivated with AOL. Scarcity is nagging me though.
5-Dec	Admin (financials) Lydia over for site. Fetch car. Comedy Store with Howard.	7	7		Connected, lose later.	mixed	Good during day. Very self conscious with Howard, need to impress, irritated and agitated later with journey home.
6-Dec	Hike in Grand Canyon to Govett's Leap. Rainy!	7.5	7	Hiking in rain, feeling alive, swim.	Hiking in the rain, aware.	good	Enjoyed hike. Kept calm despite disasters (camera, phone), forgot lens, one battery. Connected to Srini. "I'm alive!"
7-Dec	Cinema: Pride	7	7.5		Connected, esp to music	agitated	Not able to work much. Tired? On edge, esecially after movie. Watch The Newsroom
8-Dec	Picked up Mack, walk	6.5	6			agitated	Agitation after work and strong late.
9-Dec	Jilly Eckhart ("gay guy" there, and Pru - amazing conversations.) Liza altercations re Mack.	7.5	7	Working on AOL (universe)	Cry to Eckhart	mixed	Great in am. Awake, worked many hours. Then Liza terse email. Fed up with her. Agitated and stressed at Jilly. Ranting on walk.
10-Dec	Cinema with Sue "Winter Sleep" To Nic Group.	7	7		Connected at Nic, on drive to movie	mixed	Connected but strong scarcity with carpet.
11-Dec	Got iphone. To shop to buy hairdryer. Dried carpet. To pub with Serena	7.5	7			good	Productive, felt good. Relaxed with Serena
12-Dec	Issue with Sue's DVD. Shop IGA for food. Drive to Newnes with Srini, arrive late.	7	10	Deep love and release to music (Sacred Garden)	Very connected, love.	ok
13-Dec	Walk to abandoned shale mine. Hike to Echo Point for great view. Dinner together.	8	7	Shale mine, Echo Point		excited	Love the mine and the walk. Connected. Funny. Desired (by Elna)
14-Dec	Hike to Glow Worm tunnel. Drive home. Edit photos.	8	7	Glow worm tunnel. Editing photos.	Glow worms. Mantra on walk.	loving nature	Loved the walk. Connected. Only agitated late at night a bit.
15-Dec	Blogging and Facebook. Jilly to photo car.	7.5	7		Connected	good	Loving blog and Facebook. Positive feedback. Motivated with AOL.
16-Dec	Jilly Eckhart	7.5	10	Sublime love & gratitude to Secret Garden	Love & gratitude to music	mixed	Good most of day, motivated. Agitated late, at Jilly
17-Dec	Organise medical invoices. Nic Group	8		New i-phone buzz		great	Very motvated with iphone and life.
18-Dec	Move excel sheets back to mindmaps, shopping, Medicare, Elna and Srini pop by (blogging and GoPro), dinner	9	8	New i-phone buzz	Love to Secret Garden	great	Loving iphone. Excited re new computer. Loving maps for to do. More in control. Loved making dinner for Srini & Elna
19-Dec	Work: Templates for Lydia. Worked out GoPro for Srini. Skype with Srini for GoPro. Christmas party at Atom Thai Restaurant. Then Max Brenner.	8	7	Set up Basecamp for Lydia, GoPro. Mindmanager 14.		great	Motivated. Connected. On a high. Excited re new computer. Self conscious at party a bit.
20-Dec	To hiking picnic in Pyrmont Park. Dancing after.	8	7	Picnic, iphone panos, dancing		great	Coonected. Loving i-phone. Not too self conscious at picnic or dancing.
21-Dec	Buy Secret Santa gifts & dish. To Gavin an Tanya for Xmas party. Elna declares interest.	7.5	9	Love to music	Love to music. Eckhart.	good	Connected, popular, relaxing, bit agitated with work, self conscious at party, ugly and old in lift.
22-Dec	To Sue's 70th birthday, get venue wrong! To Luna Park to try camera.	7.5	8	Love to music	To music, plus in car	connected	Motivated, loving blog, connected and relaxed at party.
23-Dec	Memories for Sue. Roger and Jocelyn at Darling Harbour. To lights at St Mary's	8	10	Geat love to music	Love to music	good	Connected, excited re computer and camera to be, loving iphone.
24-Dec	Little sleep. Tennis with Brendan (5-1) Shop at Coles. Shope at Manly Mall. Roger in Manly, go for walk. Chrisel Skype. Help Srini with GoPro. Potato bake + choc mousse. Skyped with Chrisel. Srini over.	7.5	8	Love to music	Love to music	hurried	Lots to fit in. Overextended myself. Ok though, slightly manic.
25-Dec	Cook potato bake. To Brendan and Eva for Xmas.	7.5	9	Love to music. Brendan "We're family"	Love to music	connected	Connected to Xmas group, but slightly agitated, sombre, self conscious (tired?) Great after.
26-Dec	Drive to Victoria Snowy Mountains. Jezz talks incessantly. Petrol fiasco in wilderness. Sleep in car.	5	7		Trust. Prayer. Aware.	stressed	Frazzled by Jezz. Sex talk. Boasting. Panic in car at night.
27-Dec	Get back to town just. Start hike on track. (4WD track)	6.5	7		Trust. Prayer. Aware.	stressed	Disappointed with hike. No views or photos.
28-Dec	Hike up humungus hills. Realise in wrong area. Camp on ledge.	6	7		Trust. Prayer. Aware.	stressed	Panic stricken night.
29-Dec	Long hike back. 4WD (Ross and Sally) lift us back. Drive back through the night.	7	7			tired	Tired, relieved, happy to be going home.
30-Dec	Xmas photos. Sleep.	7	6			tired	Reeling from trip.
31-Dec	Shopping for dinner. New Year's eve with Jilly. Fireworks. Computer research. Nearly bought Lenovo ultrabook.	6.5	5			tired	Still recovering from hike. Self conscious with Elna at Jilly's. Feeling bit down.

edit