Mrs Mac, the swimming teacher. "You'll be here till the lights shine tonight."
The silkworm incident
Mum and dad highly strung & judgemental at times
Mum and dad often uptight. "It's not ok. You need to worry."
Sometimes fantasised I was adopted.
Dad could be a bit negative yet quiet, and sometimes I felt judged.
Being smacked (the only time) by dad for something I was completely innocent of.
Mum always warning what can go wrong all time.
Mums strong silent disapproval. Judgemental.
Dad hyper critical and judgemental.
Mum irritable
Terror of Sunday mornings and mum's tirades - usually anger I hadn't put washing out or my room being messy.
Barging into my room, open cupboards, railing about washing.
"I'll murder you!" in UK when lost train pins.
I love you but I don't like you.
Fearful and obsessive thoughts
Fear of hell. The concept was introduced at Sunday school I think. The whole idea traumatised me. So did the concept of the devil and evil.
Hell thoughts re Granny and Grandpa. The first signs of obsessive compulsive thoughts.
I went through a time of praying incessantly, feeling very connected to God. Then I watched a movie called "The Dark Crystal" and it filled my mind with dark, "evil" images while praying. I couldn't control it, and felt bad, so I stopped praying. I felt like I had lost something precious. I also felt like my mind was against me, that it wanted to sabotage me, and it made me anxious. The fear of my mind as a malevolent saboteur would torment me for decades and only ceased when I befriended and mastered the mind in my 40's.
Judgement and lack of affirmation
No I love you's when young.
No physical affection from dad.
Very little praise, expressed love, affirmation, even now. Just advice and innuendo.
Not interested in what have to say. Doesn't listen.
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