Memorable moments: The two little waves

I met my wonderful friend, Ivor, during my university years while attending a youth group. He quickly became one of my closest confidants—one of those rare people in whose presence you can be entirely, unapologetically yourself.

Our relationship possessed a beautiful depth; we spent countless hours in those "putting the world to right" conversations that only seem to happen in the quiet intensity of youth. But we also shared a relentless sense of fun and a love for those deep, gasping belly laughs that leave you breathless.

In fact, we developed a term for our friendship that I still think is the perfect descriptor: "Two Little Waves."

In physics, there is a magical effect called constructive interference. When two small waves overlap in just the right way—at the exact right frequency and phase—they don’t just pass each other by. Instead, they merge and amplify, suddenly transforming into one massive, powerful wave.

That was Ivor and me. On our own, we were just two students navigating life, but when we got together, the interference was purely constructive. We didn't just add our energies together; we multiplied them.

Suddenly, two little waves became a swell of double the fun and double the hilarity. It’s a metaphor that epitomizes our bond to a T.

These days, he’s in Cape Town and I’m in Sydney, living separate lives on opposite sides of the world. Many months pass between seeing each other.

And yet within within minutes of reconnecting, it’s back. The same rhythm. The same laughter. Two little waves coming back into perfect alignment.

Memorable moments: The rose and the bromance

It’s amazing to think how the most important friendship of my life began. At the start of my final year at university, I had just started dating Ally. We were completely smitten, spending every spare moment together.

But I wasn't the only one who noticed her.

Every day, as Ally sat on the Jamie Steps at UCT, a charming, quirky guy named Russell would approach her and gallantly present her with a single rose. He was persistent, funny, and utterly unique. Ally was flattered, but eventually, she had to break the news: "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend."

Russell, being the gentleman he is, backed off immediately, but he and Ally remained friendly. Then, the day came when I finally met the man who had been "wooing" my girlfriend.

I didn't feel a shred of jealousy. Instead, I immediately fell for him.

He was hilarious, adventurous, and possessed a spark of madness that matched my own. Our "bromance" was instantaneous. Ally and I stayed together for the next seventeen years, and throughout that time, Russell was the third pillar of our lives. He even moved in as our housemate for several years—a period I still count among the most enjoyable and laughter-filled times of my life.

Ally and I eventually went our separate ways in 2009, but my bond with Russell remained unshakable. Even now, living in different countries, our friendship is priceless. Whenever I return home to visit family, we don't just "catch up" over coffee; we disappear into the mountains or head off on some new adventure, picking up exactly where we left off on the Jamie Steps.

Beautiful article from Shushan that I helped inspire

Hi there dear Graeme

Here is the article that I’m planning to post out on Tuesday. Please let me know if there is anything that feels uncomfortable for you.

Looking forward to walking and catching up

Love Shushann

 

He Offered To Do The Dishes..

I’ve been fortunate enough to have had some good hearted, kind, caring men in my life who have supported me in various ways through their acts of service. These include my accountant, my mechanic, various handymen and a couple of male friends. One particular male friend I would describe as a soul brother. I have really appreciated his capacity for presence, insightful conversation, playful humour as well as thoughtful affirmation and encouragement when I’ve needed it.

But I would describe his male superpower as his acts of service. These are caring things he has done for me that have made my life easier.  This soul brother has been a wonderful model of the high masculine for myself as well as other female friends that have loved and appreciated his company and friendship. 

Giving and Receiving

My soul brother's presence and modelling has created a valuable template for me in my own healing journey around men. His masculine quality of Giving has taught me step into my feminine quality of Receiving. To do so I've had to learn to trust and open my heart and allow myself to feel my own vulnerability and need. We can spend a lot of our life pretending we don’t need others or anything.  This can often lead to isolation and exhaustion. There is an art in receiving things graciously. Allowing the gift of being given-to, to land in our hearts with that feeling of acceptance and worthiness and without feeling we must give something back. There is something special about the acceptance of being given to that is also an affirmation, a gift to the giver.

There is a certain honour in my soulful brother’s actions that feels old fashioned in the sense that they carry with them a sense of safety, protectiveness and genuine care without any obligation.  Women’s instinctive desire to feel protected by a man hasn’t gone away. It’s a hard-wired instinct and it is difficult to ignore for even the most independent, strong women amongst us.

Safety in Relationships

Safety is one of the key elements that women seek in their relationship with men. Perhaps this is part of our tuning into a collective consciousness where almost 1 in 5 women (18%) and 1 in 20 men (4.7%) have experienced sexual violence (sexual assault and/or threats) since the age of 15.  And globally, one out of three women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.

The trust and safety that has been built in my relationship with this particular male friend has been built on a foundation of small but consistent acts of kindness, care and service over the time of our friendship. These are qualities that I endeavour to cultivate in myself in my relationships. The consistency is key in building trust. Walking our talk when we stand for integrity.

 

I'll Do The Dishes...

I remember last Christmas I had a lovely gathering of friends over for a shared lunch. Just at a point after lunch where I felt I was flagging, my soul brother got up from the table and quietly said “I’ll do the dishes” in that matter of fact way.  I felt a momentary impulse to say I'd do them later, but chose instead to simply graciously accept. As he started moving back and forth from the table to the kitchen I could feel myself relaxing. I felt an incredible wellness wash over me, that I didn’t have to ask or to carry on doing things on my own. There was help and mostly that it was given without having to ask. That felt such a blessing.

What has been liberating for me in having this soul brother is to engage in our friendship and emotional intimacy without the complication of sex. We haven't tried to label it or change it, but to simply appreciate what is there without any expectation of something more or less. Many of us know what it is like to jump too quickly into a sexual relationship that carries no intimacy.

Are you waiting for the evolved partner?

I know many of us as women can get caught up in our complaints about the many shortcomings of men around us. We are waiting for that evolved male partner or even friend to turn up. But what if we simply started to explore this as our own soul journey of integration rather than waiting. What qualities of the high masculine are you curious about in your life? Would like more of in your life? Are there men around you who are role models for you around this?  And how do these qualities live in you? Or not?   

Love and blessings

Shushann