Life Trove: farewells

19 September 2002

Farewell to Gran

"Gran always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete." Marcy DeMaree

Memories of Gran (excerpt from letter from Jo - 2002)

I remember so clearly all Gran and Gramp’s yearly visits to Cape Town and all the excitement leading up to their arrival and the huge empty void that was left when they returned home.

Unfortunately this huge void that I am feeling right now is never going to go away but I have so many special memories of Granny to help me replace it with instead.

I remember, every year, without fail Granny would bake up a huge batch of meringues (glued together with strawberries and cream) for my school bake sale. In fact, I remember her making them for all my birthday parties as well. Granny was a fabulous cook. I can even smell, even now, all the wonderful roast dinners she cooked for us and the delicious crispy roast potatoes that always accompanied her meals. Her lumpy custard was legendry, although if I think about it, we all still ate it with gusto and would have complained bitterly if she had made it any other way!

I remember sitting for hours in the lounge at Epworth Road playing endless hands of card games with Granny. She certainly had a huge supply of patience as she taught me that there were more to cards than snap!! I have so many happy memories of them both in that house and I remember cycling round to swim in the pool, or to spend the night or just to come over and have a chat. We were so fortunate not only to have had them in Cape Town all these years but to have had them no more than 15 minutes away at any time during the past 20 years is also amazing.

I also remember the knitting bag that was always beside Granny’s chair. I certainly had a good few jerseys and bed socks knitted for me while I was growing up.

I remember how much Granny loved traveling round South Africa and how she and Gramps would head off on some coach tour to view the flowers, the whales or some beautiful mountain peak.

I remember how much Granny loved her yoga and how important her church was to her. It certainly gives me comfort to know that she is in a beautiful, safe place, free from pain and discomfort. I can just picture her now running around freely. In fact, she and dad are probably talking non-stop to each other catching up on all the latest news and drinking a toast of gin and tonic to all of us right now!

Oh, how I am going to miss Granny. She was such a loving person, so kind, considerate and gentle and yet so strong and brave. She really fought with all her might right up until the end. How lucky Sam was to have had her Great Granny for 2 ½ years. In fact, I think Sam also gave such joy to Granny as I remember how her face used to light up every time she saw her and how it even caused Gran to smile even when it was so hard for her to do! Gran, I will always love you and I will always remember you with a huge smiling face!!

Excerpt from a letter I wrote to Gramps in 2003 after Gran passed away

I also feel nostalgic when I think back over all my memories of gran and what she means to me personally.

I remember how excited I would feel when I heard you and she were visiting South Africa. I have a memory of lieing in bed with her when I was 6 and had just won my first book prize and she read me a couple of chapters. I remember visiting her at Epworth Road and telling her all about School and how she would listen intently to every single word – always making me feel like I was the most important person in her world right then. How she would ring me to find out how my test or match or play had gone- always thinking of me, always interested in my life. How she would cut something out of the newspaper that she thought I would find interesting or useful – often about something that I had mentioned months before. She never missed anything did gran.

And of course, I remember her delicious meals – especially her roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and veggies and trifle. Not to mention the kiersh and ice cream – do you remember that? Also sleeping over with you guys and watching old movies like The 39 Steps till late and then going to bed with a hot water bottle that Gran had prepared. And lots of later memories too. Like the wonderful, spontaneous speech she did at your 50 th wedding anniversary. The hug she gave me on the day I married Ally. The pride and love love in her eyes whenever she held Sam.

Gran’s speech at her 50th wedding anniversary (see all speeches)

All I want to say is that there are good things in life and I was blessed first of all with good health; that is very essential in a happy marriage. And then my second good thing in life was choosing my husband. And I know I made the right choice. I know I am illogical. And I know I am intolerant at times. And I shall still be illogical and intolerant at times. And I am not going to start saying sorry because most times I don’t think I am wrong! And the third thank you is for our lovely daughters. They’ve bought us so much joy and I thank you both very much indeed.

I’ve realised that growing up in any generation, it’s always the same. Whether you’ve chosen the right area to live in to get your children to the right schools, whether they are going to pass exams to go on, what subjects they ought to give up, and then there is the rushing to and fro taking them to guides, the skating, the ballet which they weren’t very good at! And that goes on today, it’s just the same, every generation is the same, it doesn’t alter.

After that, they left home and decided to go overseas. I was very happy about this and thought “What brave girls they are - but I wasn’t at all happy when they let us know that they weren’t coming back because they were going to get married. I cried buckets and Tony had a terrible time.

But then I soon realised how lucky I was that this happened because if they hadn’t done this, we would never have come to South Africa and visited our lovely son in law and grandchildren who have always made us so welcome. We would never have made friends with so many of their friends who have also made us so welcome. And the same goes with Canada. We would never have visited Canada and seen the beauties of that country and met the lovely people there.

So all in all, this life of ours has gone on at a terrific gallop and it gallops along too fast really, but all I want to do today is to thank my family and all our friends, both new and old, for giving us this wonderful opportunity of such a beautiful day.

Gran as a youngster

Gran as a beautiful young woman

Married to Gramps for over 60 years

With her beloved girls

A loyal friend for 50 years

Very special childhood memories

Her very special "surprise" speech at their 50th wedding anniversary

Some later photos

Getting to see her great grandchild

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Related links

My childhood letters to Gran and Gramps
Photos of Gran
Gran and Gramp's 50th wedding anniversary
Posts tagged as "Gran and Gramps"

14 February 1995

A tribute to dad

Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad. Anne Geddes

My Memories of Dad

His wonderful (and often naughty) sense of humour.
The way his eyes sparkled while telling a funny story.
His green eyes (the same shade as mine).
Patting mum's behind when they hugged.
Calling mum "didums".
His excitement when he completed his first big locomotive.
Going round and round the track on his train.
His steam train hat and the train pins.
Often laughing so much at his own jokes that he would start coughing.
Holidays to Eight Bells (and the crack of dawn starts).
The trip to Knysna and the Swartberg pass.
Telling me the dead cockroach I found in my bed at Knysna was a bed bug (I'll never forgive him!)
Camping at Uilenskraal (big breakfast fry ups, walking round the caravan park at night).
Teaching me to fish and to tie on hooks and sinkers.
Sharing a canoo for 5 days on the Orange River and capsizing on the rapid.
SA trip to Zululand (Umfolozi and Mkuzi wild life parks).
His video recorder - and the "train videos" he made.
Our family holiday to Mauritious.
Visiting Uncle Stan at Melkbos.
His love of visiting gran and gramps for his 11 am whisky.
His very soft spot for gran and gramps.
Gramps trimming dad's beard.
His red beetle and old Variant.
Helping dad to carry his locomotive to his car.
His hip shirts.
Trying to encourage me to drink beer, not cider (a girl's drink!)
His soft spot for Julian and helping him with his engineering project.
Working on his trains and lathes in the outside room.
His beautiful steam engines.
His generosity.
The steam club - especially Jimmy and Derek.
His wonderful speech at Julian's 21st.
Visiting Stan in Melkbos for a braai.
His special relationship with Uncle Jimmy and Derek.
The Viste Nova fete.
Picking us up in the variant and the red beetle (and being told by Jo to hide round the corner. so her school friends would not see her).
Falling asleep on the couch watching TV.
Our saturday night family TV (Magnum PI,A Team) with coffee and chocolate.
Listening to classics with a beat and "Pomp and Circumstance" on long car journeys.
His love of classical music and his music system.
Braaiing meat on "the barrel" and starting fires with petrol.
Introducing me to his favourite childhood book about the blind lumberjack and his dog (title unknown).
Buying Lima trains with me - both equally excited.
Burping after a beer.
Family camping with the big tent.
Putting up our tree house in the garden.
Taking me to the St Georges cathedral to get my matric marks.
His stamp collection.
Combing his hair in car before leaving the beach (much to the chagrin of people wanting his parking spot!)
His love of books on history and "The World at War" series.
His chain-saw and chopping down our big tree (and how he hurt his goolies when he slipped)
San marco icecream and walks at Sea Point - and going on the "choo choo" train.
Videoing us opening our presents at Xmas.
Helping us wash up (mum washed, I dried and handed to dad, dad handed to Jo, and Jo put away!)
Sleeping out on the patio (I tripped over him at 5 am in the morning after a party but he did not wake up).
His pride in his (once very high tech) music system.
His mountain bike (not used much!).
Making Tina widdle with excitement by opening his arms in greeting.
Swimming in the pool.
His love of surfing at Muizenberg.
Lazing on Boulders beach and St James.
His love of "Finance Week".
His expletive: "Jesus Crept".
His old camera (a veritable dinosaur!)
His squirrel ways (and the resultant cluttered maid's room).
Throwing the ball for Tina and Meg and shining the torch for Tina to catch.
Cleaning the dogs with "Dermadeath".
"Servicing his car in the driveway.
His love of chocolate ginger.
Taking one of my teeth out in his workshop.

Excerpt from a letter written to Dad, 4 months after his death

Dad, I never told you that I loved you but I did. That always seems to be the most tragic of regrets, doesn't it? I loved you for never forcing me to follow a line - you always let me be what I wanted; to follow my own path. I loved you for taking me on camps when I was little; for the fishing and those delicious camp meals you cooked us. Sometimes the love was so much, my heart would swell and my eyes would tear.

I loved it when you and I would go on our drives across the country to Knysna and Zululand - our so called "Trips for the Boys." We had some real chats during those times. And, Dad, I loved your sense of humour, the jokes you told, the way your eyes would sparkle, and you'de laugh so much you'd start coughing. You were so much fun when you were in your funny mood!

I loved you at Xmas when you'd video tape us - I'm going to cherish those videos of you and us for the rest of my life. They symbolise all that was good about our family. It was always great knowing that you and mum were there to call whenever we wanted. You were always there when we needed you. You were also so generous with your time, it was one of the reasons that I knew how much you loved Jo and I. And you were such a gentle person.

What I'm trying to tell you, dad, is that I loved you - love you - for the person you were and the father you were and the things you did, and it hurts like hell you'll never hear that. There will always be a big part of you in me, dad, in so many respects. I am like you in many ways and in some respects I am different - but just about everything I am has been influenced by you - and you'll be with me for the rest of my life.

Dad as a boy