Challenges (School years: 1977 - 1988)

Anxiet

• Sub A:  Fear of caning (terrified on 1st day that "cuts" meant being punished with a knife)
• Convinced I was stupid, and the only reason I did well was because I studied harder that everyone else.
• Mental Tests every Friday (Std 2)
• Anxiety and dread ahead of school tests (e.g. geography crying)
• Agony after tests, remembering mistakes I'd made
• Messed up my English test (Std 3) - felt so bad, I pretended to be sick and went to sick-bay.
• Missed the Std 6 mid year exams (I pretended illness by putting the thermometer in my coffee, wrote exams at home)
• Std 7 history test about 2nd world war - hadn't studied part of it. Agonised over it.
• Taking days off (pretending to be sick) so I could study.
• Feeling the need to start studying for exams long before everyone else.
• Final exams - an inability to sleep. Wrote several exams stupefied.
• Acort and the note to see the headmaster
• Only an A and coming at the top of the class will do.
• Dreading school swimming when cold.

Depression and obsession

• Nordika soap obsession
• Outside room and smell of hamster urine
• Obsession re contaminated pond water
• Std 9 depression - not know what was happening
• Afraid I had schizophrenia (for some reason I can't remember)

Emotional bullying

• High school bullying (Leon, Gorrie, Canagoski, borders)
• Myburgh's mommy
• Gorrie "You're so ugly."
• Leon "He'll never get an A."  Learns by rote.

Humiliation and shame

• Unprepared speech when I had a mind blank in front of the school and Gramps
• Forum Discussion chairman - mind went blank (Std 8). Madam Suttle tirade as a result.
• Afrikaans essay on rugby read to the class. I was accused of cribbing (Std 8)
• In Std 1, I said something to a new student that others in the class didn't like and felt judged by them and ashamed (fuzzy memory of the details but I remember being in floods of tears during the break.)
• Had to put my hands on my head and keep them there as punishment for talking (Sub A)

Guilt

• Took stamps and hid in desk
• Rowan Alston and the little china figures
• Money for stamps
• Missed a physics test that I had to write when I came back. Andrew Miller gave me his paper to prepare.
• Andrew found Afrikaans exam questions ahead of the exam and some of us cribbed.