Challenges (Childhood years: 1970 - 1980)

Traumatic memories

• Mrs Mac, the swimming teacher. "You'll be here till the lights shine tonight."
• The silkworm incident

Mum and dad highly strung at times

• Mum and dad often uptight. "It's not ok. You need to worry."
• Sometimes fantasised I was adopted.
• Terror of Sunday mornings and mum's tirades - usually anger I hadn't put washing out or my room being messy.
• Dad could be a bit negative yet quiet, and sometimes I felt judged.
• Being smacked (the only time) by dad for something I was completely innocent of.

Fearful and obsessive thoughts

• Fear of hell. The concept was introduced at Sunday school I think. The whole idea traumatised me. So did the concept of the devil and evil.
• Hell thoughts re Granny and Grandpa. The first signs of obsessive compulsive thoughts.
• I went through a time of praying incessantly, feeling very connected to God. Then I watched a movie called "The Dark Crystal" and it filled my mind with dark, "evil" images while praying. I couldn't control it, and felt bad, so I stopped praying.  I felt like I had lost something precious.  I also felt like my mind was against me, that it wanted to sabotage me, and it made me anxious. The fear of my mind as a malevolent saboteur would torment me for decades and only ceased when I befriended and mastered the mind in my 40's.